Dear Pat Robertson,
You remember that one time a few years ago when your Cristian Broadcasting Network (CBN) contacted me about running a story about our family? Do you remember that I decided not to allow you to run a story about us because I disagreed with many of the theology and values of CBN? Do you remember that I told you that I didn't want people to associate my beliefs and the beliefs of my family about God, sickness, family values, etc. with your beliefs? Remember how it was a tough decision, and I didn't really tell anybody about it then because I didn't want to look like I was being judgmental?
Well, right now, I'm incredibly thankful that God helped me make that decision, because it is painfully (and yes, I do mean that it pains me) obvious that the God and Bible you believe in are very different than the God and Bible I trust.
A question posed to you, Pat Robertson this week:
"I have a friend whose wife suffers from Alzheimer's. She doesn't even recognize him anymore, and, as you can imagine, the marriage has been rough. My friend has gotten bitter at God for allowing his wife to be in that condition, and now he's started seeing another woman. He says that he should be allowed to see other people, because his wife as he knows her is gone...I'm not quite sure what to tell him. Please help."
Your, Pat Robertson's response:
"I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again...to make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her. If you respect that vow...you say until death do us part...this is a kind of death."
Pat, I am thankful that I know better than to listen to your words and "logic" about marriage and death. I am thankful that I know the Bible and the heart of God well enough to believe with everything I am that God can do amazingly beautiful things in a marriage even when one person is sick and on the brink of death.
Your response to this person comes from a heart that either does not know God's Word or refuses to trust His Word when it doesn't make sense to our sinful hearts and minds. I am disappointed but not surprised. I am a sinful man with an incredibly sinful heart, and I know that I allow my human brain to rebel against the commands and promises of God far too often as well. I know, looking around me, in my church and in the Church (universal) that we all allow Satan to trick us with human logic into rebelling against God's perfect plan.
But, I also know that marriage is sacred, that God hates divorce, and that those who honor their marriage vows despite the difficulties that come with age and poor health are being fully obedient to His Word. I have never once considered leaving my wife because of her illness, not because I am a "good" person, but because I know that God desires that I remain committed to my vows, and because I trust that He works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.
I don't expect you or the person who asked you that question to ever read this, and I certainly don't expect that my words would ever change your heart or mind about this. But, I want the world to know that there is another way, that those who stay committed to their vows even in the difficult times can come through it with miracles and incredible blessings. The love I have for my wife today is beyond anything I ever experienced during the time we spent together before she became so sick.
Pat Robertson, I love you in Christ, but you are flat out wrong. I know this because the Bible tells me so. My wife would tell you the same thing.
Sincerely,
Nathan Lawrenson
90 comments:
I agree with you. It is sad when man feels his thinking trumps God's.
Standing ovation. Well said, friend!
Wow. Just wow. What a tool. The scary thing is that there are millions of people who DO listen to him. (shakes head)
What?!?!?!? That's crazy! Pretty sure the Bible is very clear on what circumstances must be present for a divorce and Alzheimer's, or a "changed" person, is not one of them. SMH.
Ronnie
Nathan, I commend you for taking this stance. Marriage is under attack in our generation. I praise God there are still people who stand for what is right. Thank you and may God continue to bless your marriage.
Bravo, bravo. Passionately and truthfully written.
Amen! The Word is THE WORD weather we like what it says or not. There is always another way, and it's Christ's way. Way to speak. I pray he actually gets to read it. As Iron sharpens Iron!
A-M-E-N.
Wonderfully written & totally true. Praying that your words reach those who don't know better than to listen to someone who appears to speak God's Truth but has it all wrong.
AMEN!!! Thank you! I hope he does read your words to him. EVERYONE should read your response to him. It's a shame that media gives those that don't know the TRUTH airtime and space.
Thank you for your powerful testimony to the truth and for living its reality. In sickness and in health, doesn't just mean colds and flu, it means even cancer, mental illness, and other debilitating disease that may transform a person from the one you married. Ultimately aging does the same thing too in the end. You either take the vows seriously or you don't. Reinterpretation is not an option.
Much love to you both,
Becky (Fletcher) Holloway
childhood friend in NJ
Absolutely beautiful and so right on.
Totally agree with you. I have always questioned some of his "beliefs" as they are very different from mine but "respected" him from the standpoint of keeping God in the limelight in a world that often tries to hide God. He has become more and more of a negative influence on Christianity over the years and the people at CNN need to be looking for some way to replace him. I can't help but wonder if perhaps he is experiencing some health issues that are clouding his judgement. Marriage is "till death do us part" which part of that is not clear!
Amen! Very well said.
Amen!!!!! As my husband said, apparently Pat Robertson needs to divorce his brain because it is sick.
Thank you for sharing and for taking a stand for marriage.
{applause} {standing O}
"Til death do us part" is pretty danged clear if you ask me.
Ditto. Ditto. I was appalled and saddened and aggravated. Sad. Very sad. Thank you for posting this.
I completely agree with you! The Bible tells us "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through EVERY circumstance". I hold dearly to that and don't put any stock in the words of Pat Robertson. But what makes me angry is that there are people who do and he is so careless with his words.
Thank you for sharing, Nate. I had read an article about this earlier today and felt sick in my heart. I pray people look to the Bible and not to Pat Robertson for marital advice.
Thank you for writing this and thank you for sharing it with us. Written so beautifully with love -- I pray somewhere he has the opportunity to read it and changes his view -- God bless you and your family!
Very well said.
I am horrified by his words. My father-in-law, was steadfast by my mother-in-law's side as she died mentally and then physically with Alzheimers'. Never once did any of us (the extended family) would ever leave her to face death without a family member in those final hours. Yes, she was in professional care in the last year, but she was visited by her husband or son or other family member every day. I have never liked Pat Robertson, but this is proof that he is mentally failing and needs to be removed from a public forum by his own family.
Beckie in Brentwood, TN
Way to stick to your convictions and furthermore, I agree wholeheartedly with YOUR perspective!! Maybe you should start a radio station, you could share your story and your beliefs!! :) ;)
amen Nate!!!!
ToOdLeS.
Thank you. I wish Pat Robertson could read it.
Very well said! I was outraged to hear about this. It saddens me to think about the number of people who listen to this lie and think that it is good, godly advice.
Wow. I am sickened by Pat Robertson's response to this question. That husband is not the exception to the rule. Just because his wife is sick, he doesn't got a free pass to do what he wants. And what awful Christian counsel, I can only pray that people heart's and minds are open to how blatantly wrong this response is.
Standing ovation inserted here!!!!!!!!!
Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree with you. THere is another great video of the other side of the Alzheimers story on this page...
http://www.visionforum.com/news/blogs/doug/2011/09/9657/
How awful and terrible for him to say that...it truly saddens me :(
Amen! Completely agree! Very well said. Thank you.
Amen. I am so glad you responded publicly.
I'm not even a Christian and I agree with you. If we divorce when things get tough then really who can you count on? I'm pretty surprised to hear Pat Robertson's response and applaud you for speaking up.
I have a very special needs child and some people are surprised that we "kept her" like that makes us heroes. She's our child. It's been a hard road but because of all we've been through the love I have for her is extra special (I have two other kids who I love deeply). I think many people can't understand it because they can't imagine going through it. Sticking by the people we love when things get hard isn't just the "Godly" thing to do, it's the right thing to do.
wow-wee. I am just so repulsed at this. I have been noticing a lot of people using the Lord to state opinions that are NO WHERE NEAR God's Truth. I am so proud that you stood up for this. We don't need to let people influence us just because they are on TV or have shows. We are in a time where we really must know the Truth. There will be a lot of people who will have Truth but will pervert it. That is what the anti-christ may use in the future to make people believe he is somehow good. Thank you for standing in this matter.
Oh, amen, amen. Pat Roberson is not someone I want representing the Savior I love, the Bible I treasure or the Christianity I claim. It's a sad day for our people... Destiny
Longtime follower, infrequent commenter... read about this earlier today and can only pray that I would stand firmly on my marriage vows if ever presented with the deteriorating health of my husband. Thank you for standing on the word of God, His promises and being you! Amen, Nate, Amen!
Mr. Robertson needs to get a new definition of death. My husband died at the age 44 from H1N1 and as long as he had a heartbeat and breath in his body, he was alive. I would give anything to sit at his bedside, just holding his hand again, even if he couldn't respond. This is not just a slap in the face of marriage, it's an insult to those who truly have lost their spouse to death and now face a life alone with only the Lord to lean on.
Agreed!
Another standing ovation over here!
amen!!! thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you, Nathan. I agree 100% As a student and teacher of the Bible, there is absolutely no basis for Mr. Robertson's conclusions except for simple, sinful human preference for ease and comfort instead of holiness and righteousness. My advice to the friend would have been completely different, as I know yours would be. Thank you for speaking truth and modelling covenant love.
Well said! It's sad how people want their views to be right even when it contradicts what the Bible says. Thank you for your response!
Amen!!!
I get what you're saying, but Pat wasn't talking about terminal illness in general. And he wasn't talking about leaving whenever the going gets tough. Here's an interesting article with a different opinion on Pat's words: http://www.slate.com/id/2303989/
@Anonymous
You are correct in that he wasn't specifically talking about terminal illness or leaving during rough times. He is talking about divorce, and he is contradicting everything the Bible says about divorce. I simply used my experience to compare to the example he gave.
I heard that & really questioned it. My marriage vows/covenant is until death do us part. I had pre-exsisting medical condtions when I met my husband 23 years ago. He has stood by through the good, bad & absolutely horrible. I can't imagine going through it without him or leaving him if he had a serious health problem. He "almost" had a heart attack at age 42. I love him more now than 22 years ago when I said I do. WE decided when we got married divorce is NOT an option for us.
Bravo for your stance Nate.
Dear Pat, You seem to be getting a lil old and feeble yourself. I wonder if your wife is just counting the days till they tell her you have dementia or something else. I pray that it never happens to you I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy,
Good for you, Nate!
I have to say "WOW" as well. For 2 reasons. First of all, Pat Robertson has always just kind of disturbed me (for lack of a better term). It meade me feel guilty because here is this preacher and I felt like maybe he was right. And secondly, I am so grateful God led me to read to specifically because my husband and I are in a huge battle against Satan concerning divorce. The words "marriage is sacred" jumped out at me. I am a Christian woman and my husband is a Godly,Christian man. But we have entered a time in our almost 17 years of marriage where things are just really tough. It is so hard to to stick it out.
Thank you for writing this post. And I love checking in on y'all. Have not left a comment since Gwyneth was really,really itty bitty! P.S. what is a troll comment?
I agree. As someone who has watched my grandmother and our family suffer through the disease, what he said truly hurts. Even though she didn't know who he was, my grandmother still lit up when my grandfather visited her. While she ended up in a nursing home to get the care she required, her family always visited no matter if she knew who we were anymore or not.
I don't agree with these particular comments made by this man either, but I also think we should cover each other in love rather than continuing to post and expose errors of others. A good way of addressing his comments would be to keep the leader who made them anonymous rather than bringing shame upon him in an open forum. I appreciate your heart and zeal for justice on these issues. Just please don't cause more problems of gossip and division in the church in the process.
Amen!!!
@Shari
I understand what you're saying, but when a person publicly teaches a false doctrine, he/she must be publicly rebuked. I think the fact that this is the first time I've ever done this on my blog (that I can remember) is proof enough that I consider carefully before calling another brother or sister out.
Romans 16:17-18
I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people.
Acts 20:29-31
I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. So be on your guard! Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears.
2 Peter 2:1-3
But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves. Many will follow their depraved conduct and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. In their greed these teachers will exploit you with fabricated stories. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping.
Titus 1:10-16
For there are many rebellious people, full of meaningless talk and deception, especially those of the circumcision group. They must be silenced, because they are disrupting whole households by teaching things they ought not to teach—and that for the sake of dishonest gain. One of Crete’s own prophets has said it: “Cretans are always liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons.” This saying is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply, so that they will be sound in the faith and will pay no attention to Jewish myths or to the merely human commands of those who reject the truth. To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.
Amen, Amen and Amen!
It's sad and bad enough that P.R. responds as he does. It's even worse that he completely ignores the real issue - the husband's heart. The man is bitter at God. He doesn't need a divorce; he needs to get right with God.
Well said!
Preach it, brother. I was sickened when I heard that. WHAT? Are you KIDDING me? What happened to "in sickness and in health"....oh, my word. Thank you for taking a strong stand on it...it must have felt like a blow to your heart, considering what your sweet wife has had to deal with. And to tell someone that...someone who obviously needs another Christian to come along side him and encourage him and lift him up, and help him be faithful in this very hard journey. Oh, my...I would not want to have to answer to God on that one!
Thanks again...love to all...
Nancy in CT
Isn't compassion the heart of Christianity? Not to mention love....
As someone who has spent many years working with and for people with dementia, this story saddens me.
what dangerous ground people walk upon, when they start applying man's wisdom, instead of God's wisdom. God hates divorce. And, to even CONSIDER it in the sad and devastating circumstances such as this, are unthinkable. If my husband had alzheimers, I wouldn't be going anywhere - i would be sticking closer than I ever had before. sad. Thank you for taking such a strong stand Nathan - may God bless you and honour you for honouring him.
Ditto and Amen. We will not be judged on what, who or when we are tempted, but we will be judged according to God's unchanged Word.
Adam and Eve weren't judged by what the serpent tempted them with, but by what God's commandment to them was.
I am thankful for an unchanging God & His Way.
Karen
I was so disappointed in what Pat said. Thanks for voicing what the Bible truly teaches.
Thank you for being a voice of not just sanity but love. When I worked in a nursing home on the Alzheimer floor, I sadly saw a few of them die. Even though their minds were gone, when they died it was unmistakable that the spark of life God gave us all was within them up until that final breath. That is what we honor when we care for each other in the end. And yes, it is as heart breaking as it is beautiful. So it is with many gifts we are given. Bless you and your family always :)
Nathan, I haven't commented here before, but begin reading your blog (sometimes twice a day when your girls were challenged with life) since before Gwyenth was born. Your family was the subject of many of our prayers when things were more challenging.
Your letter/response to Pat Robertson is "spot on". I showed my three children the Robertson clip and we had a good discussion about the importance of taking a vow and obedience to God. I call that Christian Ethics & Worldview 101.
I also shared your post with my friend, Barbara, who writes and blogs at Mommylife. Now, she has shared your letter with her readers: http://mommylife.net/archives/2011/09/pat_robertson_a.html
I admire the way you've handled all of this, from the first request to feature your family until now, and applaud you for speaking up. Diplomatic phrasing and choice of words.
Keep on, brother.
Nathan -
While I agree with your statement about Pat Robertson, I also agree with Shari about calling someone else out in the way you did. If we as Christians are really called to rebuke someone when they teach false doctrine, then it seems as though all we are all going to do is call each other out for teaching false doctrine. Why? Because so many of us disagree on things. E.g. I believe that same gendered couples should be able to be married, I also support a woman's right to choose to have an abortion. Based on the fact that you went to Liberty, I suspect you disagree with me on these things. We both call ourselves Christians though - me being Episcopalian.
If all we do is call each other out (which is actually what all of us in the celebration of Christ seem to do these days), when do we get together and celebrate our similarities? When do we get to get together to celebrate the life of our Savior?
I live in Utah right now, but I was born and raised in Blacksburg, Va and moved here from Eugene, Ore. I live in a town that is 70 or so percent Mormon, and my dearest friends are LDS. I could spend all my time calling them out for teaching false doctrine, but instead I look to how similar we are - what we DO agree on, which is so much. It makes my life easier, but even better - it means that I get to talk about some pretty important stuff - Christ's life, with some pretty amazing people and their children.
I can't go head to head with you on scripture quoting, but I know for a fact that Christ challenges us to see the good, to love, to forgive, to honor, to break bread with those we disagree with. I am a Christian not only because I believe Christ died for Our sins, but because he challenges me every day to love those who I can't imagine ever loving. Now, I suck at this challenge, but I'm grateful for it.
I'll shut up now. I hope you don't feel called out, I'm just expressing my own opinions about how I view the call of Christ.
@Brooke
Everything I believe comes from Scripture. I could argue with some things you've said, based on Scripture, but I won't. Anyone is free to disagree with me, but I believe that anyone who wants to know what God/Christ says in the Word only needs to read it. Yes, there are some things that can be interpreted in different ways, but there are many things that are black and white.
I get together all the time and celebrate my Savior with other believers, and on certain points, as I said above, we can agree to disagree and still know that we are brothers and sisters in Christ living as God desires us to live. But, there are certain things that cannot be left to mere "interpretation"...certain things that the Bible makes clear that we do need to hold each other accountable for. If there is no accountability, if nobody is ever permitted to say to another believer "you are wrong, according to Scripture", than nothing in the Bible can or should be trusted, and all of this Christianity stuff is worthless.
It amazes me when someone thinks that they can be more compassionate than God. The idea that maybe God didn't really mean what he said, based on the fact that it may hurt someone's feelings ( that you DO need to honor your vows, and that SO MANY things that SO MANY churches "say" are ok, really are NOT) I could go on and on about the other topics brought up like same sex marriage and abortion, but the reality is God knew what he meant when He gave us His word, he knew what it would mean in the future, knowing He would not have to "adjust" it to fit some cultural poor reasoning that would happen later.
Public leaders in the church need to be held to a higher standard, they have asked for it. And when they are flat out wrong they need to be told.
Thank you for sharing this Nate, I could not agree more with you.
@ Shari and Brooke,
So what would you say to Paul about calling out Peter in Galatians 2:11ff?
Was Paul wrong to do this? Of course not. Peter was influential and his reversion to legalism was causing others to follow his error, including Barnabas, Paul's one-time missionary partner.
It's about accountability. Check out James 3:1-2. "Love" doesn't cover up blatant heresy. "Love" protects those who might believe and follow it.
Touche...couldn't have said it any better!!!
amen!
Well said. My marriage has been through some extremely difficult times. Many people told me to call it quits, but I refused to do so. My perseverance (stubbornness?) has paid off and hubby and I have turned our marriage around and are building a wonderful relationship right now. Was it miserable getting here? Unfortunately, yes. Has it been worth it? Absolutely. My marriage vows said, "For better or for worse", not "For better or goodbye".
This guy is jsut as big a jerk as I have alwyas thought him to be. I have worked iwth Alzheimer's/Dementia diagnosed people closley for 4 years. HE IS SOOOOOOOOOOO WRONG,, she is in there she is behind the dried up stone grown brain, She still has a heart and those who work with these people can if they choose look int hte eyes of these people and see their hearts. WHAT A JERK.. I am being nice here.....
Amen!!!!
I just want to say that my mom had Picks Disease at 46 years of age. It's very very similar to Alzheimer's and my dad depleted his retirement and every single financial means they'd worked for to care for my mom. A medical professional suggested he divorce on paper so that medicaid could kick in and alleviate my dad of the burden. My mom was not aware of anything, had gone mute, and was still well cared for by my family. My dad ended up meeting a woman and dating her. It was understood that he would still care for my mom 100% and this woman stepped up and cared for her too. I think if you haven't experienced something like this you're not really the expert to pass judgment.
@Kristin
I agree with you that I can't judge everyone, and I'm not judging the person who asked the question of Pat. But, because Pat claims to worship the same God I worship and live by the same world view and standards that I live, I absolutely can judge his words. In fact, those who follow Christ have been commanded by Him to hold each other accountable.
Well said. I am going through a divorce right now with someone that has never stood behind my medical care, so I commend you. I have read your blog with interest over the years and totally respect how you have been there for your wife and family. YOU are what a man should be in marriage and what I hoped God would turn my spouse into...........or.....as being "unequally yoked" with an unchristian man... God might lead me to a Christian man if it's his will someday.
Thank you so much Nate for using your platform to attempt to reverse the damage here! I am a proud student of Regent. It is an absolutely amazing school and Pat strikes me as actually sincere, but he is flat out wrong (as you put it) a number of times to the point where I truly wish he'd stop talking. Everyone must "work out their own salvation" which involves missteps along the journey, but my Lord, the public thinks this man represents Christianity and that worries me :( I pray that God gives him an extra measure of wisdom and discernment...
Amen!
Completely Agree! Until Death is not our choice but God's. And I always tell my wife I'll die long before she does.
Thank you for your stand with your wife through "sickness and health". I watched my grandfather care for my grandmother with dementia and even though most of the time she didn't recognize anyone there was still a spark there with him. God bless you and your beautiful family.
...and yet one more AMEN! Well written!
Amen! Thanks for saying what we were all thinking.
*standing and clapping*
Beautiful. I have no other words. Thank you. Just perfect. (well, I guess I did have a couple more words!)
Well said! My grandmother (Mimi) was experiencing mini-strokes the last few years of her life. Her memory would come and go, but she ALWAYS recognized her kids and grandkids. Her youngest son, my uncle, said it was "too hard to see her like that" and did not see her the last 2 1/2 years of her life. She missed him and asked for him often. It was distressing! I told him that even if I went to visit one day and she did not know me, I would continue to go. Because I KNOW WHO SHE IS! I told her once how special she was to me and she said, "You and me... we've always felt that way about each other." How could anyone abandon a loved one for any reason?!
Thank you for standing up for marriage! We too have been through sickness and death(2yr old son w/CF) and I can say there were some really low days. But God has done amazing things in our marriage and it couldn't be any better! It's the difficult times that God uses for our growth! looking back 15 yr ago, not knowing all I know today.... I would not change a thing! God has been so good to us!
Very well put, Nate! Kudos!
Thank you for your response to Pat Robertson. God does hate divorce.
I am not religious but I found Pat's advice to be crass, uncaring and irresponsible. I'm glad I'm not his spouse!
Thank you for speaking what is true, Nate!
While I would't presume to tell anyone else what to do in their circumstances, I admire your stance. I've been married 24 years, and plan to be married for many more, in sickness and in health.
I appreciate your boldness. I also appreciate your testimony in words and life. May God bless you two.
I detested the comment he made, I do hope that by now, and after the firestorm that followed, that he has gone back and studied up a little, or a lot. Preachers are held to a higher standard and should be able to stand up to public scrutiny, be willing to give a fit word in and out of season. I also hope a brother or two went to him personally to instruct him and correct him on the matter.
I have read websites that do nothing but call out Christians on their views all day and seem to enjoy it, but your post didn't strike me as being vicious at all, just making a point that what he is saying is in direct opposition to Bible "black and white" and put your scripture back up
I do believe that we need to be more cautious of our internet sources because anyone can post anything at anytime without checking fact at all. Besides the fact that they can easilt set up a Christian website and themselves actually be satanist, atheist, etc and just be there for the sole purpose of trying to mislead, and we never know it. Its amazing how we just take a "Christian" website as full gospel sometimes
And with all of the nasty mudslinging you unfortunately find among Christian denominations, it is now at a point where the skeptics are even more skeptical and throw our own mud in our own faces. So thank you for eschewing the mud.
My grandmother has slow progressing dementia for the last 20 years of her and my grandfathers marriage, then he died. My dad, who is not even a Christian, moved in and took care of her and his mentally handicapped brother for 7 years until she died, now it is just them. He had and still has hard days, but he has always maintained that it is very much worth it. I am so proud of him :)
On a side note, I am an OBXer and Gwyneth and Tricia out and about from time to time, and it just amazes me how big Gwyneth is! What a cutie pie!
With many blessings,
Amy
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