Incoherent

Life is mysterious and miraculous.

I've caught myself today, as I have been doing often recently, recalling things that were taking place in my life exactly 1 year ago, and today was especially poignant. January 1, 2008 was the most emotional day of my life up to that point.

I didn't write much about my thoughts and emotions of that day, but as our friends and family (and many around the world) gathered by Tricia's bedside to pray for her and the baby, just seven days from Gwyneth's birth, I allowed myself to release a lot of pent-up emotions. Today, I could feel a lot of those emotions again.

A year ago today, I really had no idea what life was going to look like over the next 24 hours, much less the next 7 days. And, if you had asked me to be honest, I probably would have told you that I wasn't very hopeful for the future. As far as I could see, my wife was dying and my daughter was only a dream.

Life is both mysterious and miraculous, and most certainly impossible to predict.

I lay awake last night, as I often do, watching Tricia breathe. I remembered laying awake a year ago, in hotels and hospitals, watching Tricia breathe, incredulous that anyone could survive a few minutes of sleep breathing as she was, literally the shallowest of breath every second, much less an entire night. I remembered watching her entire body tense and relax, tense and relax with each breath.

I woke up this morning after a deep night of uninterrupted dreams to the sound of Gwyneth's coos from her crib. I remembered waking up many times during the night every night a year ago, and, even with the lights on, having to place my hand on Tricia's chest just to be certain that she was still breathing. I remembered waking up each morning, immediately reaching over to feel the warmth of her body.

Normally I'm the one up with Gwyneth in the morning, allowing Tricia the extra sleep she needs and enjoying some time alone with my White Rose before the business of the day begins. But, today, I lay in bed for a few more minutes of sleep as Tricia happily got up and fed Gwyneth breakfast before she brought Gwyneth into our room to wake me up with a slobbery face, toothless smile and a strong headbutt to the nose.

Oh, how things have changed. 1.1.08 was a turning point for me. I believe it was a turning point for Tricia and Gwyneth as well. 1.1.08 was the day that thousands began to learn of our journey, as the handful of those reading our blog up to that point began to spread the word and ask for prayer. Simply amazing.

Life is mysterious and miraculous.

I don't know if anything I've just written makes any sense, but I needed to get some thoughts and things out of my head and onto "paper" before going to bed, so forgive me if this post is incoherent.

Nate

BTW, read my dad's blog for a glimpse into his thoughts about 1.1.08 a year later.