(Repost) Our Choice

The following was originally posted on January 20, 2008, less than two weeks after Gwyneth was born and just a few days after Tricia woke from her coma. I thought that today was a good day to repost it. I've changed a few dates so that they are accurate for today.

For all of her life, Tricia has been praying a very specific prayer, that God would use her life with CF to do something amazing and extraordinary. And, for the past few years, she has added a second specific prayer. Until recently, this second prayer was a secret from all but a few people...it was even a secret from me.

But, first, let me give you a little background about us.

Tricia and I met about 11 1/2 years ago one Sunday morning at our church (I promise I'll give you the whole story another time, 'cause it's good). It was love at first site for me, and we began dating almost a year later. I was (and still am) Tricia's first and only boyfriend.

I knew that this was the girl for me, and very early on in our relationship I explained to Tricia and her parents that I fully (or at least as fully as I could at that point) understood Tricia's disease and what that might mean for my future. While we wouldn't be married for another three years, I told them all that I was committing, then and there to becoming the caretaker that Tricia would need. I promised that I was looking to marry Tricia, and that if I had any doubts up to that point, I would have already bailed because I knew Tricia didn't need the stress of a hurtful relationship on top of the hardships of her disease.

I was 20 and Tricia was 19.

Tricia was in good health while we were dating, with just a very slow descent. Even when we married, you would never have known she had a killer disease. But, we knew that there were no guarantees, and that even a simple cold could literally become deadly for her in the matter of a few days. Talk of marriage came early, and we soon decided that we wanted to take advantage of every minute of our lives together. On August 24, 2003, we became engaged. We were married less than a year later on June 27, 2004.

The day after our honeymoon ended, I began my first full-time job (as worship leader at Westwood Hill Baptist Church) in VA Beach. Neither of us had finished college at that point, because, again, we wanted to make the most of the time we had. Some people thought we were foolish, and it wasn't an easy decision, but looking back, we know it was exactly what God wanted for us.

We knew we wanted to start a family, but we also wanted to have at least a little time all to ourselves, so, we gave ourselves about a year to just enjoy being two. That first year of marriage was full of fun and excitingly new things for us.

God did not make a woman more perfectly fit to be a mother than Tricia, and, although being a father scared me (and still does), I've always known that it was what I wanted as well. For nearly two years, we tried to get pregnant.

I know that this is not a long time compared to many stories I've heard, but, because of Tricia's declining health during that time, we knew our window of opportunity was not very large. And, because of Tricia's CF, as well as some other issues, we knew that conception was a small chance and pregnancy a huge risk for the two of us.

All during that time, while Tricia's CF doctors informed us of the risks, they were also very supportive of our decisions. In the spring of this past year (2007), however, they finally told us that a pregnancy would be more risk than we were willing to take. So, although it was very difficult, especially for Tricia, we halted our pregnancy plans.

At that same time, Tricia's docs also advised us to consider being evaluated for the double lung transplant that could save Tricia's life. The 5-day evaluation process took place at the end of June (2007) with good results (meaning Tricia was a candidate), and we began making our plans to transition to living part-time (and later full-time) in Durham.

All this time...all the while that we'd been married, Tricia had been praying that secret prayer. She knew, that what she was praying for would take something that beat the odds, that defied science and that could only be explained by God.

Tricia was praying for a "miracle baby".

We decided that September 4 (2007) would be the day that we would officially make the transition to Durham and Duke to begin the physical therapy that Tricia would need before being placed on the Transplant list. We moved out of the house we'd been renting for two years (in Nags Head, NC) and placed most of our belongings into storage while taking our bedroom furniture, medical supplies, clothes and a few other things into a spare bedroom at my parents house (where we planned on staying when we cam home on the weekends).

September 3 was a Sunday, and that night, as our church gathered together for a service, I took the stage to share the new and plans with many of our closest friends and family. Tricia stayed home because she was not feeling well (not unusual). Little did I know that, literally as I was sharing our plans with the church, Tricia was finding out that God was about to take us on a huge detour.

When I arrived home that night, feeling a sense of relief from telling the church about our plans, Tricia met me at the door with, "I have something to tell you, and I'm not sure how you're going to react..." Of course, I'm thinking our dog had gotten run over by a car, or something crazy... She took me into the bathroom, showed me the pregnancy tests (I think she used three just to be sure) and told me that she was pregnant. God was giving Tricia her miracle.

The next day, when we arrived at Duke, we immediately set up appointments with the transplant doctor, the OBGYN and Tricia's CF docs. The transplant doctor's reaction is not something I want to repeat (it went something like "holy ......!"). He advised us that our best choice would be to terminate the pregnancy.

The OBGYN told us that she had never once recommended to any of her patients to terminate a pregnancy, but in Tricia's case, she was making the exception.

Tricia's CF doctors already knew exactly what our decision was going to be about keeping/terminating the baby, and other than a look of shock, they were very supportive (as was everyone else once we told them of our choice).

This Sunday morning, thousands of churches across our country are remembering National Sanctity of Human Life Day. (read My Dad's Blog for more about the history/purpose of this day)

In years past, I've taken part in considering what this day is all about, but it's always been just a passing thought. I'm sure there have been a few years when I didn't even really think about it at all.

But this day has now taken on such a completely different meaning. In the past, it has been about standing up for what my Christian world view tells me is right and against what is wrong. But, now I'm seeing those things as the smaller picture.

God is showing me, through the life of my wife and my daughter, that today is really about two things.

1) Sanctity of Human Life is about trusting God.

No matter what side we may fall on with the issue, abortion is not a belief. It is a choice that is birthed out of a belief. Our belief was that God wants what's best for lives, that it was God Who allowed this pregnancy to happen, and that it needs to be God who determines the final outcome. Because of our belief in God, our choice was easy.

For us, abortion was not about life or death, murder, right or wrong, etc. Our choice simply came down to whether or not we were seriously willing to trust God. And really, what else did we have to hang on to at that point? To abort would mean to turn our back on God...Tricia's chances of surviving the pregnancy were 50/50, Gwyneth's were even less, and the window of opportunity for the transplant seemed to have come and gone. But we knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God was answering Tricia's prayer by giving us this opportunity.

2) Sanctity of Human Life is about making the most of our time with others.

If I have learned anything during the past few months, it is that my time with Tricia, and her time with me and others she loves is never a guaranteed thing. I have probably spent more time with Tricia in the past 5 months than I had the previous 3 years of our marriage, by her bedside nearly every moment.

I have seen my attitude and perspective change about certain things regarding my role as a care-giver. The things that used to make me cringe, I do with joy. The tasks that caused me to roll my eyes because I missed a few minutes of television show, or a few seconds of football game have become the things that I look forward to the most. My favorite part of the day now is getting into my Jeep and driving to the hospital, knowing that I have a full day of just being with or around Tricia and Gwyneth.

It would only take a few moments for me to easily become a childless widower. But, that's really how all of life is. We never know what the next second will bring. I hope to never look at life the same, never again choose to take my family and friends for granted, and never pass by another stranger without looking for an opportunity to be a blessing.

I am not perfect. In fact, I consider so many others in my own life to be much more spiritual and strong and loving than I am. All I know is that, the moment we made that choice to trust God, my entire life changed.

And, for me, that is what Sanctity of Human Life is really all about. Simply living life in pursuit of loving God and loving people does so much more to change hearts and minds and lives than any hellfire sermon, political personality, or picketing campaign will ever accomplish.

Tricia literally came within a few breaths of sacrificing everything to give Gwyneth life. If that had been the case, and even if that is still what happens, to know that we have trusted God with our choice will get me through today and tomorrow.

God is answering both of Tricia's life prayers, at the same time...He is doing something extraordinary with her life by giving her the miracle baby.

I pray that today, you will take time to consider that human life is sacred because it comes from God, spend time appreciating the life you've been given, and love on the people you find yourself with.



Thanks!

Nate

The Adventures of Fearless Super GRL!

Nate

Happy Birthday Gwyneth Rose!!!

Our Gwyneth Rose turns four today! So excited to celebrate with her! If I can find the pug toy, I'll take a photo for you.

Nate

Reverse Gifting

One of our favorite days of the year is coming in just over a week! Gwyneth will be turning four! And, while we love birthday parties and cake and ice cream, our favorite part about this grand day is what we like to call "reverse gifting".

For the past two years for Gwyneth's birthday we've asked our friends and family to forgo any birthday gifts for Gwyneth (really, she has everything a four year old could want/need already) and instead purchase new or gently used preemie clothes for us to deliver to the Intensive Care Nurseries at DUKE and CHKD (the two hospitals that have taken such great care of Gwyneth for us). Over the past three years we've delivered nearly 100 gift bags full of clothes.

Gwyneth is now old enough to begin to understand what we're doing, and we're looking forward to continuing this for many years to come. It's a lot of fun and a great way to teach our daughter that her special day doesn't have to be all about her. Collecting and delivering these gifts has truly become one of the highlights of our year.

We learned from our experience at Duke that every little detail for a family of a newborn preemie can be a huge mountain of stress, including (maybe, especially, considering how hard they are to find) finding preemie clothes. Finding clothes tiny enough to fit a 4lb baby can be very difficult.

Here is a blog comment from a mother who received one the gift bags:

I just wanted to say Thank You! I arrived at the duke NICU today and received our onesie and your letter!! My son keylan, was born 3 wks ago @ 24 wks and weighing 1 lb 8 oz. Your gift really touched my heart. With everything going on, I haven't even thought about clothes. At times I feel so alone, to know their are people that care is truly a blessing!! Christy

Last year, we extended the invitation for our "reverse gifting" celebration of Gwyneth's birthday to our blog readers, and we had several people respond! We'd like to again invite you to participate if you want to. Gwyneth's birthday party isn't going to take place for a few more weeks, which means we have plenty of time to gather as many preemie clothes as possible.

If you would like to celebrate Gwyneth's 4th birthday with us in this way, here are three ways to do it:

1. Donate new or gently used preemie clothes to your nearest hospital Infant Care Nursery in honor of Gwyneth and/or any other preemie that has blessed your life.

2. Mail new or gently used preemie clothes to us. We'll deliver them for you to Duke and/or CHKD. (see mailing address and instructions below)

3. Mail or Email gift cards to us from either BabiesRUs or Target and we'll do the shopping for you. (see email and instructions below)

Thank you so much for considering joining us as we bless other preemie families in celebration of our daughter's birth and life!

Nate


Mail to:
Nathan Lawrenson
105 W. Soundside Rd. (for UPS)
PO Box 302 (for all other)
Nags Head, NC 27959

Click Here for My Email

We have had the most success shopping for preemie clothes at BabiesRUs and Target. You can also find lots of preemie clothes at Online Retailers.

E-GiftCards can be purchased at BabiesRUs Here and Target Here.

Please, keep clothes unwrapped (as in, don't wrap them in wrapping paper). The hospital prefers for gifts to be unwrapped so there are no surprises...we'll make sure to put them in gift bags for you when we deliver them. Also, feel free to include a personal note to the preemie family(s) with your gift.

We'll be accepting donations until the end of January. If you have any questions, please email or leave me a comment. Thanks!

COTA

I've got a little buddy named Wyatt (below) who is in desperate need of a heart transplant and is receiving help from COTA, Children’s Organ Transplant Association. Wyatt was born early with his twin brother Davis at Duke several months ago. Davis is healthy and now home with his family, but Wyatt is still at Duke waiting for his new heart. Both of these little guys have been cared for by the same staff who took care of Gwyneth.

COTA's Facebook Page is currently being sponsored. Every time someone "likes" their page, $1 is donated to COTA to assist transplant-needy kids and young adults!

Please visit the COTA page, click "like" and spread the word! Thank you!

Nate

Gwyneth Says "Merry Christmas!"

Christmas Lights

Christmas tip of the Day: before packing away the lights, have a little fun with your best friend.

Nate

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!

Merry Christmas.

Nate, Tricia & Gwyneth Rose

Merry Christmas!

Nate

Nathan Lawrenson Photography Sale

I'm very excited to be offering prints and digital downloads of some of my favorite professional shots from 2011 at SmugMug. I have a Christmas sale going on through Christmas day AND a coupon for 25% off (all orders made between now and Christmas) to say thank you to my CFHusband blog readers for all the prayer and support over the past few years!


And, if you haven't yet, check out my Photography Website!

Nate

Firehouse Santa!

My dad's fire station holds a breakfast with Santa every December. We'll hopefully make it to the mall later this month to see the real Santa, but this guy did a pretty good job in the meantime!



And, just in case you're wondering, Gwyneth has no reservations about the jolly old elf. But, as much as she enjoys Santa, she's absolutely obsessed (with no real prompting from us) with Baby Jesus...we have several nativity sets around the house right now, and she loves to play with them and carry Jesus everywhere with her. She also LOVES Rudolph (and any reindeer for that matter)!

Nate

(Bump) Coming Soon to a Magazine Stand Near You!

We were disappointed to learn that the magazine has bumped our story...they're telling us maybe May or June of 2012. We will let you know as soon as we know for sure.

Tricia, Gwyneth and I spent yesterday evening with David and Tammy Molnar. In case you don't know, David is an incredible photographer and a childhood friend. David was asked to shoot us (actually, mostly Tricia) for a magazine article about our (Tricia's) story which is scheduled to be published this December. We'll post more info about what magazine soon!

In the meantime, check out David's Website, Blog and Facebook Page!

Nate

Did You See...

...Tricia on the Today Show this morning?!?

O Christmas Tree

Ever see a Christmas tree decorated in 7 seconds?

France!

Tricia and Gwyneth and I are spending a month in France...yes, we have already arrived and are into our second full day. You might remember that we came to Grenoble, France for a week with my church band two summers ago on a mission trip. I've been on several overseas trips, but France is the first place I've ever been where, as I got on the plane to go home, I began trying to figure out how I could return as soon as possible. We loved the people, the culture, the food! And, my specific skill set with music and creative arts is something that can really be used.

So, after over a year of planning, we have returned. I am working with a few local Grenoble churches and their musicians. We'll also be looking to serve the local Cystic Fibrosis community in any way that we can. We are also scheduled to visit Rome for a few days to scout out another mission trip that our church is planning for 2012!

We have good internet access at times, so I will be posting photos and updates from time to time.

au revoir,

Nate

Dear Pat Robertson

Dear Pat Robertson,

You remember that one time a few years ago when your Cristian Broadcasting Network (CBN) contacted me about running a story about our family? Do you remember that I decided not to allow you to run a story about us because I disagreed with many of the theology and values of CBN? Do you remember that I told you that I didn't want people to associate my beliefs and the beliefs of my family about God, sickness, family values, etc. with your beliefs? Remember how it was a tough decision, and I didn't really tell anybody about it then because I didn't want to look like I was being judgmental?

Well, right now, I'm incredibly thankful that God helped me make that decision, because it is painfully (and yes, I do mean that it pains me) obvious that the God and Bible you believe in are very different than the God and Bible I trust.

A question posed to you, Pat Robertson this week:

"I have a friend whose wife suffers from Alzheimer's. She doesn't even recognize him anymore, and, as you can imagine, the marriage has been rough. My friend has gotten bitter at God for allowing his wife to be in that condition, and now he's started seeing another woman. He says that he should be allowed to see other people, because his wife as he knows her is gone...I'm not quite sure what to tell him. Please help."

Your, Pat Robertson's response:

"I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again...to make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her. If you respect that vow...you say until death do us part...this is a kind of death."



Pat, I am thankful that I know better than to listen to your words and "logic" about marriage and death. I am thankful that I know the Bible and the heart of God well enough to believe with everything I am that God can do amazingly beautiful things in a marriage even when one person is sick and on the brink of death.

Your response to this person comes from a heart that either does not know God's Word or refuses to trust His Word when it doesn't make sense to our sinful hearts and minds. I am disappointed but not surprised. I am a sinful man with an incredibly sinful heart, and I know that I allow my human brain to rebel against the commands and promises of God far too often as well. I know, looking around me, in my church and in the Church (universal) that we all allow Satan to trick us with human logic into rebelling against God's perfect plan.

But, I also know that marriage is sacred, that God hates divorce, and that those who honor their marriage vows despite the difficulties that come with age and poor health are being fully obedient to His Word. I have never once considered leaving my wife because of her illness, not because I am a "good" person, but because I know that God desires that I remain committed to my vows, and because I trust that He works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.

I don't expect you or the person who asked you that question to ever read this, and I certainly don't expect that my words would ever change your heart or mind about this. But, I want the world to know that there is another way, that those who stay committed to their vows even in the difficult times can come through it with miracles and incredible blessings. The love I have for my wife today is beyond anything I ever experienced during the time we spent together before she became so sick.

Pat Robertson, I love you in Christ, but you are flat out wrong. I know this because the Bible tells me so. My wife would tell you the same thing.

Sincerely,

Nathan Lawrenson

Duke Speech

In case you missed it, you can watch our keynote speech at Duke's CF Education Day Here.

Nate

Gwyneth's Great Strides Page!

Gwyneth is three and a half, and with our Great Strides Walk for Cystic Fibrosis coming up this Saturday, we thought she was old enough to begin helping us raise money to find a cure for CF. Please, take the time to check out Gwyneth's Great Strides Page and consider donating to help us find a cure for CF!!!

Nate

Come Outside and Play

Chatting Live Right Now

Tricia and I are chatting live with you right now about CF at http://www.justin.tv/dukecfcenter#/w/1746729760

Nate