Wednesday, January 18, 2012

(Repost) Our Choice

The following was originally posted on January 20, 2008, less than two weeks after Gwyneth was born and just a few days after Tricia woke from her coma. I thought that today was a good day to repost it. I've changed a few dates so that they are accurate for today.

For all of her life, Tricia has been praying a very specific prayer, that God would use her life with CF to do something amazing and extraordinary. And, for the past few years, she has added a second specific prayer. Until recently, this second prayer was a secret from all but a few was even a secret from me.

But, first, let me give you a little background about us.

Tricia and I met about 11 1/2 years ago one Sunday morning at our church (I promise I'll give you the whole story another time, 'cause it's good). It was love at first site for me, and we began dating almost a year later. I was (and still am) Tricia's first and only boyfriend.

I knew that this was the girl for me, and very early on in our relationship I explained to Tricia and her parents that I fully (or at least as fully as I could at that point) understood Tricia's disease and what that might mean for my future. While we wouldn't be married for another three years, I told them all that I was committing, then and there to becoming the caretaker that Tricia would need. I promised that I was looking to marry Tricia, and that if I had any doubts up to that point, I would have already bailed because I knew Tricia didn't need the stress of a hurtful relationship on top of the hardships of her disease.

I was 20 and Tricia was 19.

Tricia was in good health while we were dating, with just a very slow descent. Even when we married, you would never have known she had a killer disease. But, we knew that there were no guarantees, and that even a simple cold could literally become deadly for her in the matter of a few days. Talk of marriage came early, and we soon decided that we wanted to take advantage of every minute of our lives together. On August 24, 2003, we became engaged. We were married less than a year later on June 27, 2004.

The day after our honeymoon ended, I began my first full-time job (as worship leader at Westwood Hill Baptist Church) in VA Beach. Neither of us had finished college at that point, because, again, we wanted to make the most of the time we had. Some people thought we were foolish, and it wasn't an easy decision, but looking back, we know it was exactly what God wanted for us.

We knew we wanted to start a family, but we also wanted to have at least a little time all to ourselves, so, we gave ourselves about a year to just enjoy being two. That first year of marriage was full of fun and excitingly new things for us.

God did not make a woman more perfectly fit to be a mother than Tricia, and, although being a father scared me (and still does), I've always known that it was what I wanted as well. For nearly two years, we tried to get pregnant.

I know that this is not a long time compared to many stories I've heard, but, because of Tricia's declining health during that time, we knew our window of opportunity was not very large. And, because of Tricia's CF, as well as some other issues, we knew that conception was a small chance and pregnancy a huge risk for the two of us.

All during that time, while Tricia's CF doctors informed us of the risks, they were also very supportive of our decisions. In the spring of this past year (2007), however, they finally told us that a pregnancy would be more risk than we were willing to take. So, although it was very difficult, especially for Tricia, we halted our pregnancy plans.

At that same time, Tricia's docs also advised us to consider being evaluated for the double lung transplant that could save Tricia's life. The 5-day evaluation process took place at the end of June (2007) with good results (meaning Tricia was a candidate), and we began making our plans to transition to living part-time (and later full-time) in Durham.

All this time...all the while that we'd been married, Tricia had been praying that secret prayer. She knew, that what she was praying for would take something that beat the odds, that defied science and that could only be explained by God.

Tricia was praying for a "miracle baby".

We decided that September 4 (2007) would be the day that we would officially make the transition to Durham and Duke to begin the physical therapy that Tricia would need before being placed on the Transplant list. We moved out of the house we'd been renting for two years (in Nags Head, NC) and placed most of our belongings into storage while taking our bedroom furniture, medical supplies, clothes and a few other things into a spare bedroom at my parents house (where we planned on staying when we cam home on the weekends).

September 3 was a Sunday, and that night, as our church gathered together for a service, I took the stage to share the new and plans with many of our closest friends and family. Tricia stayed home because she was not feeling well (not unusual). Little did I know that, literally as I was sharing our plans with the church, Tricia was finding out that God was about to take us on a huge detour.

When I arrived home that night, feeling a sense of relief from telling the church about our plans, Tricia met me at the door with, "I have something to tell you, and I'm not sure how you're going to react..." Of course, I'm thinking our dog had gotten run over by a car, or something crazy... She took me into the bathroom, showed me the pregnancy tests (I think she used three just to be sure) and told me that she was pregnant. God was giving Tricia her miracle.

The next day, when we arrived at Duke, we immediately set up appointments with the transplant doctor, the OBGYN and Tricia's CF docs. The transplant doctor's reaction is not something I want to repeat (it went something like "holy ......!"). He advised us that our best choice would be to terminate the pregnancy.

The OBGYN told us that she had never once recommended to any of her patients to terminate a pregnancy, but in Tricia's case, she was making the exception.

Tricia's CF doctors already knew exactly what our decision was going to be about keeping/terminating the baby, and other than a look of shock, they were very supportive (as was everyone else once we told them of our choice).

This Sunday morning, thousands of churches across our country are remembering National Sanctity of Human Life Day. (read My Dad's Blog for more about the history/purpose of this day)

In years past, I've taken part in considering what this day is all about, but it's always been just a passing thought. I'm sure there have been a few years when I didn't even really think about it at all.

But this day has now taken on such a completely different meaning. In the past, it has been about standing up for what my Christian world view tells me is right and against what is wrong. But, now I'm seeing those things as the smaller picture.

God is showing me, through the life of my wife and my daughter, that today is really about two things.

1) Sanctity of Human Life is about trusting God.

No matter what side we may fall on with the issue, abortion is not a belief. It is a choice that is birthed out of a belief. Our belief was that God wants what's best for lives, that it was God Who allowed this pregnancy to happen, and that it needs to be God who determines the final outcome. Because of our belief in God, our choice was easy.

For us, abortion was not about life or death, murder, right or wrong, etc. Our choice simply came down to whether or not we were seriously willing to trust God. And really, what else did we have to hang on to at that point? To abort would mean to turn our back on God...Tricia's chances of surviving the pregnancy were 50/50, Gwyneth's were even less, and the window of opportunity for the transplant seemed to have come and gone. But we knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God was answering Tricia's prayer by giving us this opportunity.

2) Sanctity of Human Life is about making the most of our time with others.

If I have learned anything during the past few months, it is that my time with Tricia, and her time with me and others she loves is never a guaranteed thing. I have probably spent more time with Tricia in the past 5 months than I had the previous 3 years of our marriage, by her bedside nearly every moment.

I have seen my attitude and perspective change about certain things regarding my role as a care-giver. The things that used to make me cringe, I do with joy. The tasks that caused me to roll my eyes because I missed a few minutes of television show, or a few seconds of football game have become the things that I look forward to the most. My favorite part of the day now is getting into my Jeep and driving to the hospital, knowing that I have a full day of just being with or around Tricia and Gwyneth.

It would only take a few moments for me to easily become a childless widower. But, that's really how all of life is. We never know what the next second will bring. I hope to never look at life the same, never again choose to take my family and friends for granted, and never pass by another stranger without looking for an opportunity to be a blessing.

I am not perfect. In fact, I consider so many others in my own life to be much more spiritual and strong and loving than I am. All I know is that, the moment we made that choice to trust God, my entire life changed.

And, for me, that is what Sanctity of Human Life is really all about. Simply living life in pursuit of loving God and loving people does so much more to change hearts and minds and lives than any hellfire sermon, political personality, or picketing campaign will ever accomplish.

Tricia literally came within a few breaths of sacrificing everything to give Gwyneth life. If that had been the case, and even if that is still what happens, to know that we have trusted God with our choice will get me through today and tomorrow.

God is answering both of Tricia's life prayers, at the same time...He is doing something extraordinary with her life by giving her the miracle baby.

I pray that today, you will take time to consider that human life is sacred because it comes from God, spend time appreciating the life you've been given, and love on the people you find yourself with.




*super dude and super dog* said...

Thanks for reposting your wonderful and moving story. There really should be a movie about your family :)

When we found out about Carter's CDH (at a 21 week ultrasound) and were sent to Duke, and during our very first meeting with the Pediatric Surgeon, the first thing he asked us was if we were prepared to continue with the pregnancy. He told us that we didn't have much time to make the decision, but that termination was an option we should consider. We sat there, in complete shock, that he would ask us that. And then we immediately told him that we'd never terminate. That was not a choice to us, but it would be up to God whether or not our child lived. The road was certainly not easy, but today, he's a 16 month old bundle of joy!

Your family continues to be an inspiration.

SimmonsFamily99 said...

I totally agree, your life should be a movie..

What a true story of faith, love and over coming odds...

I love reading your blog, I lost my bff Jennifer to CF, and I see all that you have all gone through, but with so much more faith than I had at that time. ANd she all the advances that CF has overcome, and the new meds. But your love for each other surpasses it all...

Love you guys and I pray for you all every day!

Laurie in Ca. said...

Just beautiful Nate. This is when I first became aware of your blog when this occured. The Impossible. A challenge I could pray for because I always have believed in the miracles of God. And I have not been disappointed one moment. I have been scared right along side of you as both of your girls lives hung in the balance. But I knew whose balance it was and still is. I love you guys and continue to be blessed by your miracle unfolding. We owe all the glory to God. Thank you for sharing your lives with us.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Paula said...

Thanks for sharing - I thought you might be interest in this link

Susan said...

You are wise beyond your years. Thank you for re-posting this beautifully written entry. I think it's an important message, that we should all treasure the time we have here on earth, as well as the people we share that time with.

Anonymous said...

Which god decides who lives? People believe in many different gods - with highly varying moral absolutes. It really makes "absolute" seem at lot less absolute.

Mary Anne Whiteley said...

Thank you for choosing life. God Bless you and your family!

Trevor's Mama said...

Thank you for reposting this! You have said some beautiful and inspiring things. So glad to see that your faith in God has seen you through the darkest of hours with hope. That's what it's all about, after all. God bless you, and your wonderful family!

DogsDontPurr said...

This is a post that really spoke to me. We do take sooo much for granted. Your post inspired me to take a little time out today to spend some one on one time with my love. Thank you!

Many hugs to you and your family!

Wherever HE Leads We'll Go said...

What a beautiful post. Life is about the sovereignty of God. He decides when it begins and when it ends. He also decides what happens in between. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have a daughter that was born with Cerebral Palsy. My pregnancy was uneventful - her birth was not. I could be angry and blame others for what went "wrong", but I choose to trust God. He made her in His image. She is exactly the way that He intended her to be. Her CP is not a mistake. It was not caused by someone's error. She has CP because a sovereign God chose that for her (and us).

If I had it to do over again - I would choose life!

Priscilla Barnes said...

Nice "choice" to plan a pregnancy that all the doctors warned against. There were obvious reasons why Tricia couldn't carry a baby safely to term, without risking a premature birth and all the suffering that goes along with that. So, now, your poor daughter gets to suffer from hearing loss and vision problems all because her mother was seflish in wanting to have her "own" pregnancy despite being told the extreme risks. Ever hear of adoption?

Helen Anninos said...

To Priscilla Barnes:

You have no right to judge the decisions of these two parents. The decisions they made were not out of selfishness, but what they felt led to do by their God. Noting their daughter's overall health and development, they obviously made the right choice. Their daughter developing well, has lots of fun as a two-year old should, and she sings. She is a delight to all who know her. Yes, the Lawrensons took risks--some risks that we are not brave enough to take. They knew God had a purpose with this pregnancy and for their daughter. They were brave enough to do the will of God, despite people like you criticizing them for loving something they created.

Martha said...

TO: Priscilla Barnes
You would do well to mind your own business and stay out of the lives of others.

Tamara said...

One thing I try to.remember dear that your issues are not my issues and therefore just because you want to be a hateful human being does not mean I must be one back to you. So my prayer is that you are able to find happiness as you so obviously are missing it in your current existence.

purejoy said...

to priscilla barnes, (not that you will read this):
didn't listen to your mommy, did you? if you haven't got something nice to say, don't say it.
i am not sure to what purpose you were writing, other than perhaps to elevate your standing in your own mind.
nate and tricia are heroes, and their daughter is a courageous fighter (just like her mommy).

LA said...

Priscilla, I would ask that you re-read the story again. Nathan and Tricia didn't PLAN this pregnancy, they were actively taking measures to NOT get pregnant because they knew the risks involved.

But for whatever reason they got pregnant anyway, which is a miracle in itself if they were using some form of contraception PLUS the fact that Tricia has CF (my understanding is that CF often causes fertility issues, and I think Nathan has already mentioned that too).

Instead of giving permission to end their unborn child's life, they choose to get the best medical care to aim to try and get the best of life that was already there - Tricia took huge sacrifices to her own health (her choice) to help her unborn daughter grow and develop healthily for as long as possible in her womb.

Though we can choose to judge or play God with other people's lives, my own thoughts are that it is not our place.

I hope that you take the time to re-think what you have said and perhaps take the time to read their story more fully. Yes, it was a tough road for them, but I think all of us who have been on this journey with Nathan, Tricia & Gwyneth both in-person & through the means of blogging etc, and most importantly the Lawrenson & Kirschner families would agree it was worth it. Tricia is in better health than she has ever been, and Gwyneth is a happy child who is developing well.

And I do believe adoption is likely something they WOULD have considered (and maybe they might in the future) and something the Lawrensons are VERY aware of, if you read the other posts on Nathan's blog.

The Thornton Family said...

Priscilla, God knew how things would turn out. We have to trust His timing.
Nathan doesn't just come out and say they stopped having sex (it's silly to think they would), but I would have to guess since they knew they were preparing for a double lung transplant that they were no longer "trying". True - they were still praying for a baby but I'm sure the prayer was not "let me get pregnant just weeks before starting my pre-transplant therapy. I want to give people something to talk about so I want a baby now and risk both of our lives so people like priscilla who don't know me can question my motives"

have a nice day priscilla.

Megan and Company said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Megan and Company said...

Ms Barnes:
As someone who lived this story first hand it is clear you have a very limited grasp on what actually happened. You may want to go back and reread the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy. "Ever heard of adoption?" made me laugh outloud.

Furthermore, your view on the quality and value of life is alarming. If you are seriously suggesting that one's quality of life is defined by their need to wear glasses or use hearing aides, I can't imagine what kind of world you live in.

Perhaps take some time to find out what other famous people with hearing or vision loss were able to accomplish? Maybe start with Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Galileo or Marla Runyan.

Shari said...

Nate, I have been followig your story and praying for the family since the week Gwenyth was born. Your faith is such a testimony and witness to others. I know many that have trial & were advised to abort, but like you, they chose their trust in God and life. 35 years ago I carried a pregnancy to term knowing there was a huge chance of medical issues-yes we had some, but not one regret. I no have 3 wonderful grandchildren from that life & one angel baby.

Priscilla--you need a life. My mom always told me to not say anything if it could not be something nice. You are certainly entitled to you own opinion. I would suggest instead of trying to stir a pot & say unkind things,don't troll here, find a blog that is of the your like opinion & play there. I stay off blogs that I do not agree with--Iam sure not one person commanded you to read this one.
I will pray you find peace in your life.
Have a great day and remember.. Jesus loves you too!!


Recipe For Disaster said...

Funny thing about 'have you ever heard of adoption'-isn't Tricia adopted?

The family is an amazing inspiration to all of us. Too bad there are so many toxic people with nothing better to do.

The Beaver Bunch said...

Just a few short weeks ago I had the extreme privilege of sharing a few minutes chatting with Tricia, in person, after reading this blog since the time Gwyneth was born.

Although I'm sure that many people could deceive someone with an encounter of a few brief moments, having read your story from afar for such a long time, I knew that Tricia was as genuine as you depict her to be.

I cannot imagine how anyone can look at your story and NOT see God's fingerprints all over it. The miracle of Gwyneth's conception, the miracle of her growth and health after delivery, the miracle of Tricia's recovery after delivery, the miracle of Tricia's ability to get back on the transplant list so quickly, the miracle of her transplant, and I could go on and on and on.

I keep coming back and reading not because I think you guys are excessively extraordinary, but because I know that an excessively extraordinary God is doing miracles in your life.

That's a show worth watching.

Thanks for letting us have glimpses of your lives and knowing that with extreme proclamation of God's goodness comes a little persecution.

Mary Anne Whiteley said...

"Priscilla Barnes"- G. is here now. How would you propose they turn back time and either not get pregnant or terminate? They took on the pregnancy knowing the risks. It was THEIR choice,not yours. It seems as if that little girl is happy and loved. Any full term baby could have vision and hearing problems, but do you go around asking their parents to abort or not get pregnant? I have a niece who was born full term to a healthy mom. She's almost 4 and doesn't talk. She didn't walk until after 2.5. This child is almost in her own little world, but she is loved, and she is happy, and that is ALL that matters.

Nathan and Trisha- THANK YOU for having such a lovely child and sharing her with us. We share a birthday, so I will always remember the day that little miracle was born!

LittleM said...

This Priscilla person has been on my mind since I read her comment hours ago. I shouldn't admit that because it gives her too much credit. I'm currently married, I have CF, and I'm 27 years old. I can't help but dream about bringing a life to this world with my loving husband. My method of choice is surrogacy, but I still question whether I am willing to bring a child into a world where she is statistically likely to lose her mother young, and where it will be a lot of work (and require a lot of help) for us to raise her.

That being said, I think about what great parents we would be. How we would love our child (one is blessing enough) more than so many "unfit" parents out there, how we appreciate life and would instill that in our child. See, I think despite all the genuine negative things that come along with being a child of a CF parent, come so many uniquely beautiful things. So we continue to contemplate our choice...

On top of this, I think about my life, and my parents. I'm willing to bet that Priscilla does not have children of her own, because if she did she would realize that making public negative comments about Nathan and Tricia is, among other things, unnecessary. Parents love their children so much, that whether a childs pain is within their control or not, they grieve and feel guilt about it being there. My mom and dad hate that they gave me CF and hurt when I suffer. Nate and Tricia don't need to hear her thoughts on Gwyneth's hearing/eyesight/etc because its already hurting them enough, and they are bravely giving Gwyneth the love and faith to have all she needs in this life.

J.M. said...

I think Priscilla was being a bit harsh in speaking about a family she apparently does not know. However, I think some of her points are good ones to consider. The fact that this lovely child is now suffering with medical issues because her parents make the decision to get pregnant and follow through a high risk pregnancy (that even the doctors were against), knowing that their child would suffer or even die.

I pray for Gwyneth and hope that she can forgive her parents one day.

Jen said...

Oh good grief. "Forgive her parents"?! "Thanks for not killing me because it posed too much of a problem for your health" more like.

There is a risk of something going wrong whenever any woman gets pregnant, regardless of health issues. Anyone over the age of 30 is considered high risk for a plethora of things happening to their child... Downs, for example. Are you going to spew this kind of thing to countless women who had children "past their prime"? Any woman who doesn't take folate runs the the risk of Spina Bifida. Dare you to say something to those precious mothers who kept their children, regardless of what it would mean to their neat, orderly lives.

And then, on the flip side, a Downs Syndrome lady can have a perfectly "normal" baby. A blind woman can have a child with no deficiency whatsoever.

Get over it. Pregnancy is a risk, no matter what. I have 6 children... and I did nothing different through each pregnancy and I have one with Autism, twins with learning delays, two so far "normal" and one on the way, so who knows?!

And you know what? I wouldn't trade a single one of them. And I did nothing wrong.

CFHusband said...

Don't let J.M. fool's the same troll that posted as "Priscilla Barnes".

LA said...

Well, J.M. I pray that Gwyneth would grow up surrounded by people who remind her she is perfect and accepted exactly as she is without people telling her she is imperfect or shouldn't have been born.

I pray my brother who has autism knows that too - who by the way has had eye surgery same as Gwyneth to correct his vision, and was born full term after a healthy pregnancy.

Or the adults I have cared for and made my life fuller and richer who have cerebal palsy, autism, downs syndrome... not one of them regrets their parents choice to have them.

Or what about my friend's cousin who died before she was 2 after being in and out of hospital with respiratory problems - again after a healthy pregnancy.

I'm sad for you that you cannot appreciate the gift of life when it is not 'packaged' in the way you see as being of worth.

Megan and Company said...

Rest assure, Gwyneth is surrounded on every side of her family by people who love her, flip at every step she takes forward in development and believes she is a precious gift ordained by God before anyone even fathomed she'd be on earth.

Anonymous said...

"So, now, your poor daughter gets to suffer from hearing loss and vision problems..."

Wait, so people with vision problems and hearing problems shouldn't be born? So, Priscilla, would you have me commit suicide now? I am moderately hard of hearing and very nearsighted--SAME AS GWYNETH. I have mild cerebral palsy too. (By the way, I was full term and there was no reason to suspect anything was wrong during the pregnancy.) Now I'm 21 and I live a full and happy life. Gwyneth can, too, and if you don't like that, then you don't have to read this blog.

Anonymous said...

It's great being able to say "it was god's choice" but it wasn't was it? It was their choice. And like it or not, the problems Gwyneth now suffers with are due to that choice, due to the phenomenal strain her poor body was put through at the beginning of her life. I have no doubt of the love N&T can provide is that really all a child needs? Love outweighs everything else does it?

It is great to be able to say that God makes a decision, not you, as it lessens the feeling of guilt and responsibility one feels should things not quite be as perfect as you hoped.

I wish them both good fortune and luck for the future but cannot align my ethical beliefs with theirs.

CFHusband said...


The thing is, you're an anonymous troll, so your "ethical beliefs" mean absolutely nothing to anyone. You might as well be a figure of somebody's imagination. Who gives a rip about your opinion? Now, if you were to ever care to actually use a real profile, with a real name, a real location, etc. people might actually begin to take you seriously. But, as it is, you're a joke. I don't say this out of anger or hurt by what you say, but out of humor...if you want to be taken seriously, become real.

Free said...

I'm very happy that you had a choice, and got to make the best one for your family.

Anonymous said...

hi CF husband

it's the anonymous that you replied so curtly to. The reason I am posting as such is contrary to popular belief, many of your followers are pretty vicious when someone has a contradictory opinion and I am not brave enough to disclose my real identity for fear of rebuke. I am a member of the CF community and have been in a positition not dissimilar to yours. So I am not just making up opinions to cause havoc. I understand that you do not like to read what I write, as it so contradicts your own feelings, but there's no need to resort to the "Troll" card.

If my anonymity means that you will not acknowledge that this is a genuine opinion (despite the fact I attempted to remain polite and level and genuinely do wish your family the best despite not agreeing with your decisions) then that is up to you and your ability to judge depending on how you categorize something as a valid point.

Anonymous said...

I'm posting anonymously, not because I'm a troll but because my username/password is not working for some reason.

I think Priscilla, JM, anonymous...whatever...has a right to their opinion. With that being said, I think their opinion suck. Just my opinion.

I have a son who was born full term with issues. Had I known earlier that there was going to be issues, it never would have changed whether or not i continued the pregnancy. While it's unclear exactly what "issues" he may have as he gets older, we love him for who he is. No matter how big or little the hurdles are we may have to jump.

I don't think anyone has the right to tell anyone else whether or not their choice was the right one. It's their choice. Period.

It's clear that Gwenythi is happy and loved. And healthy. Yes, she had a rough start. Yes, she may have some obstacles to overcome. We all do in our own way.

Keep up the good work Nate and Tricia. I looovvveee following Gwenyth's progress. You guys are all amazing.

Now I'm going to go figure out why my username/password isn't working so I can step out of the dark. I just wanted to respond while my thoughts were fresh.

CFHusband said...

@Anonymous (1:11pm)

Not that what I'm about to say means anything to you, but to the slim chance that you're not simply attempting to stir up trouble...

If you truly cared to share your opinion with me and prove yourself to be something more than a troll, you could have very easily have sent me an email or added me as a friend on facebook and sent me a message.

Throwing around "CF" and telling me that you're scared of my readers doesn't give you any credibility.

"It is great to be able to say that God makes a decision, not you, as it lessens the feeling of guilt and responsibility one feels should things not quite be as perfect as you hoped."

I have never once denied the fact that Tricia and I made a series of conscious decisions in our journey over the past few years. In fact, I have, on many occasions (did you even read the title of this post?) I have written many, many times about the decisions we've made and the consequences of those decisions.

In actually, God does desire to take guilt away from our lives. Believing that fact is not an attempt to psyche myself and is not dependent on anything that you believe. If you've read my blog much, you understand that my beliefs go much, much deeper than that.

Furthermore, our current situation is so far beyond the best that I dared hope for when Tricia and Gwyneth were fighting for their lives two years ago. To imagine that anyone thinks that I expect my life to be more "perfect" than it already is, is laughable.

"many of your followers are pretty vicious when someone has a contradictory opinion and I am not brave enough to disclose my real identity for fear of rebuke."

Actually, I very, very rarely allow any of my readers/commenters to respond to another comment, and only a few times have I ever allowed people to respond to a comment in an aggressive way. 99% of the time, I simply delete troll comments without even responding to them myself, AND delete any comments responding to the troll. The fact that you're unaware of this tells me that you know very little about me or my blog.

If telling a parent that he/she should feel guilt because they did not abort their child is "polite", I dare say that you and I could never have a civil conversation about this topic, even if we both wanted to (and, obviously, neither of us do). Having an opinion and voicing that opinion are two very different things. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

Anonymous said...

Wow....pretty heated response for someone so apparently understanding Nate. I'm disappointed as I am genuinely trying to remain polite (yours and my views on quality of life do not cross over into manners, there is a difference), and this definitely does not encourage me to reveal my identity!

I do however appreciate the fact that you have let my post stay and you have responded, no matter how bitter the inflection in your reply.

We have actually conversed before; I would not add you on Facebook as I do not wish to be a hypocrite and befriend someone I do not understand. I still feel the reason you are attacking me is not because I remain anonymous but because I disagree with your views. By putting my real name what would I gain? Your respect? I very much doubt it; you dislike me for my view which is that your choice is fraught with ethical complexities.

I have read your blog for around 2 years now and check in regularly....I'm not quite sure why (although you write beautifullY) - whenever I do I hope to see things are going ok and that my skepticisms are incorrect but it does fill me with sadness whenever I read about the struggles created by choices you have made. All this is obviously an opinion, I am just one person but need to voice it as it frightens me with how much positivity you almost encourage people to follow your example and "trust god", whether or not it's medically a good idea.

And when you say that your readers are not vicious in their responses, I suggest you re-read the above comments directed at those who have voiced a negative opinion as to me some of them read as bordering on agressive.

As I say I do appreciate your response. I shall not post any further as I have said my piece and I don't think my commenting any more on this will be proactive. I am extremely pleased that your life is as near to perfect as you would have it be and I hope both Gwyneth and Tricia remain as close to healthy as they can be.

CFHusband said...


I'm sorry, but I have no patience and little compassion for anyone who would tell another adult that they should feel guilt for not aborting their child. I cannot expect anyone who does not know my God to understand my world view, although I wish you would come to that point in your own life.

If all you wish to do with your comments is criticize my decisions, mock my faith and tell me what I know is not true about my blog and my readers/commenters, I say "thank you" for not commenting again!

CFHusband said...

sorry, folks, but you'll have to go elsewhere if your interested in debating or questioning this post any further.