HOME AT LAST!!!

We are so excited to tell you that we made it home just three days before the first day of school for our kids!  We are happy beyond words to be back in our house in time for the kids to start school!  We have been insanely busy trying to get our house back in order after being away for over ten months, but we are loving every minute of it!

Tricia continues to get stronger, although she is still having trouble putting on any weight.  She is getting her rehab in at a local gym.  We are returning to Duke about twice a month for checkups and other appts.  Tricia's latest bronch showed that her new lungs are continuing to improve.

Gwyneth is LOVING Kindergarten! She has been talking about it for what seems like forever, and she was so excited the first day.  She recognized a few friends the first day and has made several new friends.  We're very encouraged to see how much she is learning and growing already!

It's hard to imagine that we've been gone for ten months.  Our last memories of being home were from this time of year last year, so everything seems like it just happened yesterday even though it has been an entire year...it's a very odd feeling.  So many things have changed while we've been away, including several new neighbors (with kids!) who we are getting to know.  We have been able to enjoy a few days at the beach and are catching up with friends.  Life is slowly returning to normal.

We have so many people to thank for the past year of our lives, including those of you who continue to read and pray and encourage.  This has been, by far, the most difficult part of our journey to date.  I'll write more about this later, but while we prayed and hoped, neither Tricia nor I realistically believed that she would survive this past winter and spring.  So many obstacles were place in her way, and yet, God continued to bless us far beyond what we could ever deserve.  We continue to hold the Duke staff in the highest esteem and are so thankful for their amazing knowledge and care and for the way God used them to bring Tricia back to life.

To Tricia's two donor families, wherever you are, whether you ever read this or not, thank you.

Nate

Disappointment

Several people have expressed their disappointment, sadness and even anger about yesterday's dry run, but please don't be sad or upset for us about yesterday. We honestly were at perfect peace about the dry run. We did not get overly excited, and we certainly didn't feel any sadness when we were told it wasn't going to happen. The staff we worked with were all very kind and took great care of Tricia while we waited, and we made a few new friends. It happened on a Saturday, so we had nothing on our schedule and the hospital wasn't busy so we didn't have to wait for anything Tricia needed. Our kids were back at home to celebrate a cousin's birthday, so we didn't miss any time with them. The weather was nice outside, so we drove with the windows down on the way home. Tricia got a good nap in afternoon and I got our place cleaned up a bit. Three of Tricia's best friends drove eight hours round trip just to spend a few minutes with Tricia last night and this morning. All in all, it was a good day.

Yesterday happened exactly as God planned it, and we're not disappointed about it at all. Whether new lungs come yesterday or tomorrow, even if they don't come at all, God is good all the time, and He knows the plans He has for Tricia.

Thank you for your prayers today and for the future.

Dry Run #1

Nearly everybody waiting for a transplant experiences at least one dry run.  And, in our opinion, we'd rather have no lungs than bad lungs.  Today turned out to be a dry run, even though, for a few minutes, it looked like it was a go.  We received the word that the lungs were good around, but just a few minutes later got another call that the lungs were no good.  Being told the lungs good and then no good isn't the norm, but we're thankful for the team doing their due diligence to protect Tricia from anything less than suitable for her.  Unfortunately, we assume that means the lungs weren't good for anybody, but that doesn't mean other organs from the donor weren't used for other people waiting.  We'll continue to thank God for this donor and his/her willingness to give and to pray for his/her family.

The fact that we received a call this quickly is incredibly encouraging, and we're praying for another call very soon.  Honestly, we are neither disappointed nor frustrated.  God's timing is perfect, even when the results aren't want we want.

Nate

LISTED!!!

Tricia was listed and activated late yesterday afternoon.  We are incredibly thankful.  It appeared for a while that it might not happen...not everyone is offered a second double lung transplant, so we consider this a huge blessing.

Here are some details and thing you can be praying for:

> While the success rate of a first double lung transplant for CFers is well over 90%, a second is typically much more difficult.  As Tricia's surgeon explained to us this week, "not ten times more difficult, more like 100 times."  This isn't true for everyone...we have one friend who tells us her second TX was much easier than her first...but, we are preparing ourselves for a long recovery.  There are bigger risks, like bleeding, clotting, infection, and considering Tricia's immune system is still shot because of the CAMPATH, she is at an even greater risk than most.  We've been told, and we know from watching the experience of friends who have gone before Tricia, that Tricia could be in the hospital for several weeks or months as she recovers.

> Unlike her first transplant, when we were told that there was a less than 1% chance of finding her a match, she should be a much easier match this time around.  The antibodies that were in her system due to blood transfusions and being pregnant with Gwyneth are long gone, which creates a much larger donor pool for her.  This is a blessing.  However, Duke is more stringent that they were 5 years ago, and because her blood type and antibodies is easier to match, they will be looking for the best set of lungs possible.
Five years ago, Tricia was at the top of the list at Duke and in this region, which meant that she was first in line for any set of lungs that were a match.  This time around, although we're not sure where she is on the list, we know she's not at the top.  The average wait on the list at Duke is around two weeks, and considering she was on the list for six weeks the last time, we are encouraged that she will not wait long.

> Her TX team had a difficult time making a decision to put Tricia on the list.  She is borderline at best with her weight and strength.  Ideally, we would love for her to gain about ten more pounds and be able to spend more time at physical therapy without becoming fatigued.  It is incredibly important that she be as heavy and strong as possible going into surgery because she will lose at least ten pounds immediately after surgery.  There is the possibility that she could be taken off the list if she were to become sick or lose weight.  We are incredibly thankful for her team for making the decision to get her on the list.

> We know that Tricia will only get worse from here out.  The rejection has caused irreversible damage to her lungs, and she says it feels like every day it gets a little harder to breathe.  She is on O2 24/7, about 1 liter at rest and 4-6 liters when active.  Her situation is much different than five years ago when she was on a ventilator in the hospital and unable to move from her bed without complete assistance.  In many ways she is not as sick as she was then, but in some ways she is more sick. She is dealing with several related issues as well like high blood sugars, high blood pressure, and congestion in her lungs.  She is very close to dying...the slightest cold or infection will probably be deadly and, even without those factors she is not going to last much longer with her lungs as they are.

We continue to trust God completely.  Some things that took place this past week which I can't share with you have proved to us once again that He is the only One Who knows exactly what will happen with Tricia.  We don't anticipate anything at this point except that God is in control and will continue to do what is best for Tricia.  Humanly speaking, we hope this means new lungs and an extended life, and we understand that the medical odds are against us again.

Thank you for your prayers.  Let me know if you have any questions.

Nate

Friday Update from Tricia

Feeling at my weakest now. But I need to be reminded of the grace in my life & of God's goodness. Thankful for this lesson from the Jesus Calling, "Thank Me for the very things that are troubling you. You are tempted to indulge in just a little complaining about My treatment of you. The best protection against this indulgence is thanksgiving. It is impossible to thank Me and curse Me at the same time...your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart. Thankfulness awakens you to My Presence, which overshadows all your problems."

GREAT NEWS!

Got a call this morning from Duke...Tricia's rejection is GONE! Thank you God! And, thank YOU for praying for Tricia!!!

She'll be tested again in a few weeks, but it appears she is out of the woods with this.

Nate

(Bump) A Very "Good Friday"

This was originally posted on April 2, 2010.

Have you ever wondered why the church calls today “Good Friday”? What’s so “good” about the fact that the One who Christians acknowledge as their “Savior” died such a horrible and “unexpected” death?

As humans, isn’t it hard for us to see death as a good thing? Most of us will spend all of our lives living in fear of death…doing all we can to avoid death. Many of us try to eat right, exercise, and stay generally healthy so that we can live long lives…and the rest of us feel guilty about not eating right and exercising.

But, Jesus said that He came to the earth, to live for a short 33 years, to have a public ministry of just 3 years, and to die, all so that we might be able to live an abundant life. To our simple human brains, that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. The idea that death can bring life is what we would call a “paradox”.

A paradox is a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement, idea, person or thing that is true or may be true. In other words, a paradox is something that is true even though it might not seem to make any sense to our human intellect.

For example, the statement, “This sentence if false” is a paradox. If the statement is true, then the statement is false. In which case, the statement is true, which means the statement is false...and so on for infinity.

Another paradox: “You can't get work without experience, but you can't get experience without work.” Somebody explain to me how exactly that’s supposed to play out.

How about this: “The customer is always right.” So, if two customers say that the other is wrong, both are right, and therefore, both are wrong that they are both right that they are both wrong that they are both right that they are both wrong, etc.

God is a God of paradox. For example, have you ever tried to think about the fact that God “Always has been”? For God, there never was a beginning. That’s a hard thing for us to wrap our minds around, considering we know without doubt that everything we experience as humans had a beginning at some point, even if we weren’t there to witness it.

Or, how about the idea of The Trinity – God is One and Three all at the same time. Even our best attempts as humans to explain this idea fall short. Maybe you’ve heard somebody use water to illustrate the Trinity of God…water can be a solid, liquid and gas. But, water cannot be all three of those things at the same time.

And, just as God often reveals Himself as a paradox, Jesus’ life on this earth was a paradox…listen to this:

JESUS had no servants, yet they called Him MASTER...
JESUS had no degree, yet they called Him TEACHER...
JESUS had no medicine, yet they called Him HEALER...
JESUS had no army, yet KINGS feared Him...
JESUS won no military battles, yet He CONQUERED the WORLD...
JESUS committed no crime, yet they CRUCIFIED Him...
JESUS was buried in a tomb, yet He LIVES TODAY...

It probably seems odd to most people outside of the church that Christians would gather together once a year to remember and celebrate the anniversary of Jesus’ death, but it’s because of this paradox, that Jesus’ death means life for you and I, that we have reason to celebrate. Death on a cross is a gruesome thing…bloody and painful and humiliating. Yet, there is a beauty in the death of Jesus, knowing that He willingly died because of His great love for us.

Maybe that still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to you…so, let me share a short, personal story that might help illustrate why we call today “Good Friday”.

Two years ago today, on April 2, 2008, I woke up in a hospital room at Duke University Medical center in Durham, NC. I had slept there that night, just as I had many nights before those past few months, on the floor at the foot of my wife’s bed. Tricia was dying of Cystic Fibrosis and, at that point, had been bedridden at Duke for about three months.

A month earlier, Tricia had been placed on the double lung transplant list. A transplant, her doctors told us, was the only option Tricia had left. She was literally growing sicker and weaker every day, and the prognosis was that she would be dead by the end of that summer if her medical team could not find her a new pair of lungs. In fact, just the day before, on April 1, Tricia’s right lung had collapsed, which was a sign that her lungs were at the very end.

There were a few big factors that made finding a donor for Tricia very difficult:
1) Tricia’s blood type is very rare…so rare, in fact, that the doctors would later explain to us that there was less than a 1% chance of finding a donor that would be a good match for Tricia.
2) Lungs deteriorate more quickly than other donated organs while being moved from the donor to the recipient, so the window of time between the death of the donor and the actual transplant surgery would have to be extremely short. Unfortunately, transplanted organs are often moved thousands of miles from donor to recipient.
3) Because she had to have a double lung transplant, she could not have a living donor. Her donor had to be a deceased donor. Donating organs after your dead doesn’t hurt much (in case you’ve ever wondered), but, unfortunately, very few people make the decision to be an organ donor, so the “supply” of healthy lungs is very limited.

So, the chances that Tricia's medical team would locate a match and have the time to retrieve the lungs and perform the successful 9-hou surgery were incredibly small. Which is why, when we got the call that April 2nd morning that a match had been found and that Tricia would be going into surgery that evening, we were full of mixed emotions.

Knowing that a match had been found also meant knowing that somebody had died that day, probably unexpectedly and possibly tragically. It meant knowing that there was probably a mother, father, brother, sister, wife or husband, maybe even children who were experiencing a great loss, and others who were just being told the news of the death of their friend.

But, it also meant that somebody had made the decision during their life to become an organ donor…to offer the chance for Tricia to experience abundant life. So, not because of death, but because of life, we both prayed a prayer of thanksgiving for the donor and peace for the family AND we celebrated.

And, two years later, on this anniversary, we continue to remember the death of Tricia’s donor and the pain that this day might bring his or her family and friends...we pray for their peace and comfort today, and we continue to celebrate the abundant life that Tricia has been given.

So, tonight, at Nags Head Church, we’re also going to remember and celebrate, because we too know that Jesus’ death was meant to give us life, abundantly here on earth and for eternity. We will remember His death, thank His Father God for sacrificing His one and only Son for us, and celebrate our new life together.

Nate

Rejection

We received the very bad news at the end of last week that Tricia has grade 2 acute and chronic rejection. Just short of four years (April 2 is her fourth transplantiversary). As I've told you in the past, the two big killers for transplant recipients are infection and rejection. Most likely, the rejection is a direct result of this pneumonia/RSV infection she has been fighting for nearly two months now.

The horrible thing about rejection is that nobody knows a whole lot about it. Despite years of research, we still don't know exactly how, when and why rejection happens, which means fighting it is a bit of a guessing game.

Tricia has been put on some very strong meds and steroids to try and reverse the rejection. We would desperately appreciate your prayers right now. We are asking God for another miracle. If the rejection cannot be reversed, Tricia will be in very serious danger.

You can read more about this on Tricia's Blog.

Thank you,

Nate

(Repost) Our Choice

The following was originally posted on January 20, 2008, less than two weeks after Gwyneth was born and just a few days after Tricia woke from her coma. I thought that today was a good day to repost it. I've changed a few dates so that they are accurate for today.

For all of her life, Tricia has been praying a very specific prayer, that God would use her life with CF to do something amazing and extraordinary. And, for the past few years, she has added a second specific prayer. Until recently, this second prayer was a secret from all but a few people...it was even a secret from me.

But, first, let me give you a little background about us.

Tricia and I met about 11 1/2 years ago one Sunday morning at our church (I promise I'll give you the whole story another time, 'cause it's good). It was love at first site for me, and we began dating almost a year later. I was (and still am) Tricia's first and only boyfriend.

I knew that this was the girl for me, and very early on in our relationship I explained to Tricia and her parents that I fully (or at least as fully as I could at that point) understood Tricia's disease and what that might mean for my future. While we wouldn't be married for another three years, I told them all that I was committing, then and there to becoming the caretaker that Tricia would need. I promised that I was looking to marry Tricia, and that if I had any doubts up to that point, I would have already bailed because I knew Tricia didn't need the stress of a hurtful relationship on top of the hardships of her disease.

I was 20 and Tricia was 19.

Tricia was in good health while we were dating, with just a very slow descent. Even when we married, you would never have known she had a killer disease. But, we knew that there were no guarantees, and that even a simple cold could literally become deadly for her in the matter of a few days. Talk of marriage came early, and we soon decided that we wanted to take advantage of every minute of our lives together. On August 24, 2003, we became engaged. We were married less than a year later on June 27, 2004.

The day after our honeymoon ended, I began my first full-time job (as worship leader at Westwood Hill Baptist Church) in VA Beach. Neither of us had finished college at that point, because, again, we wanted to make the most of the time we had. Some people thought we were foolish, and it wasn't an easy decision, but looking back, we know it was exactly what God wanted for us.

We knew we wanted to start a family, but we also wanted to have at least a little time all to ourselves, so, we gave ourselves about a year to just enjoy being two. That first year of marriage was full of fun and excitingly new things for us.

God did not make a woman more perfectly fit to be a mother than Tricia, and, although being a father scared me (and still does), I've always known that it was what I wanted as well. For nearly two years, we tried to get pregnant.

I know that this is not a long time compared to many stories I've heard, but, because of Tricia's declining health during that time, we knew our window of opportunity was not very large. And, because of Tricia's CF, as well as some other issues, we knew that conception was a small chance and pregnancy a huge risk for the two of us.

All during that time, while Tricia's CF doctors informed us of the risks, they were also very supportive of our decisions. In the spring of this past year (2007), however, they finally told us that a pregnancy would be more risk than we were willing to take. So, although it was very difficult, especially for Tricia, we halted our pregnancy plans.

At that same time, Tricia's docs also advised us to consider being evaluated for the double lung transplant that could save Tricia's life. The 5-day evaluation process took place at the end of June (2007) with good results (meaning Tricia was a candidate), and we began making our plans to transition to living part-time (and later full-time) in Durham.

All this time...all the while that we'd been married, Tricia had been praying that secret prayer. She knew, that what she was praying for would take something that beat the odds, that defied science and that could only be explained by God.

Tricia was praying for a "miracle baby".

We decided that September 4 (2007) would be the day that we would officially make the transition to Durham and Duke to begin the physical therapy that Tricia would need before being placed on the Transplant list. We moved out of the house we'd been renting for two years (in Nags Head, NC) and placed most of our belongings into storage while taking our bedroom furniture, medical supplies, clothes and a few other things into a spare bedroom at my parents house (where we planned on staying when we cam home on the weekends).

September 3 was a Sunday, and that night, as our church gathered together for a service, I took the stage to share the new and plans with many of our closest friends and family. Tricia stayed home because she was not feeling well (not unusual). Little did I know that, literally as I was sharing our plans with the church, Tricia was finding out that God was about to take us on a huge detour.

When I arrived home that night, feeling a sense of relief from telling the church about our plans, Tricia met me at the door with, "I have something to tell you, and I'm not sure how you're going to react..." Of course, I'm thinking our dog had gotten run over by a car, or something crazy... She took me into the bathroom, showed me the pregnancy tests (I think she used three just to be sure) and told me that she was pregnant. God was giving Tricia her miracle.

The next day, when we arrived at Duke, we immediately set up appointments with the transplant doctor, the OBGYN and Tricia's CF docs. The transplant doctor's reaction is not something I want to repeat (it went something like "holy ......!"). He advised us that our best choice would be to terminate the pregnancy.

The OBGYN told us that she had never once recommended to any of her patients to terminate a pregnancy, but in Tricia's case, she was making the exception.

Tricia's CF doctors already knew exactly what our decision was going to be about keeping/terminating the baby, and other than a look of shock, they were very supportive (as was everyone else once we told them of our choice).

This Sunday morning, thousands of churches across our country are remembering National Sanctity of Human Life Day. (read My Dad's Blog for more about the history/purpose of this day)

In years past, I've taken part in considering what this day is all about, but it's always been just a passing thought. I'm sure there have been a few years when I didn't even really think about it at all.

But this day has now taken on such a completely different meaning. In the past, it has been about standing up for what my Christian world view tells me is right and against what is wrong. But, now I'm seeing those things as the smaller picture.

God is showing me, through the life of my wife and my daughter, that today is really about two things.

1) Sanctity of Human Life is about trusting God.

No matter what side we may fall on with the issue, abortion is not a belief. It is a choice that is birthed out of a belief. Our belief was that God wants what's best for lives, that it was God Who allowed this pregnancy to happen, and that it needs to be God who determines the final outcome. Because of our belief in God, our choice was easy.

For us, abortion was not about life or death, murder, right or wrong, etc. Our choice simply came down to whether or not we were seriously willing to trust God. And really, what else did we have to hang on to at that point? To abort would mean to turn our back on God...Tricia's chances of surviving the pregnancy were 50/50, Gwyneth's were even less, and the window of opportunity for the transplant seemed to have come and gone. But we knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God was answering Tricia's prayer by giving us this opportunity.

2) Sanctity of Human Life is about making the most of our time with others.

If I have learned anything during the past few months, it is that my time with Tricia, and her time with me and others she loves is never a guaranteed thing. I have probably spent more time with Tricia in the past 5 months than I had the previous 3 years of our marriage, by her bedside nearly every moment.

I have seen my attitude and perspective change about certain things regarding my role as a care-giver. The things that used to make me cringe, I do with joy. The tasks that caused me to roll my eyes because I missed a few minutes of television show, or a few seconds of football game have become the things that I look forward to the most. My favorite part of the day now is getting into my Jeep and driving to the hospital, knowing that I have a full day of just being with or around Tricia and Gwyneth.

It would only take a few moments for me to easily become a childless widower. But, that's really how all of life is. We never know what the next second will bring. I hope to never look at life the same, never again choose to take my family and friends for granted, and never pass by another stranger without looking for an opportunity to be a blessing.

I am not perfect. In fact, I consider so many others in my own life to be much more spiritual and strong and loving than I am. All I know is that, the moment we made that choice to trust God, my entire life changed.

And, for me, that is what Sanctity of Human Life is really all about. Simply living life in pursuit of loving God and loving people does so much more to change hearts and minds and lives than any hellfire sermon, political personality, or picketing campaign will ever accomplish.

Tricia literally came within a few breaths of sacrificing everything to give Gwyneth life. If that had been the case, and even if that is still what happens, to know that we have trusted God with our choice will get me through today and tomorrow.

God is answering both of Tricia's life prayers, at the same time...He is doing something extraordinary with her life by giving her the miracle baby.

I pray that today, you will take time to consider that human life is sacred because it comes from God, spend time appreciating the life you've been given, and love on the people you find yourself with.



Thanks!

Nate

Dear Pat Robertson

Dear Pat Robertson,

You remember that one time a few years ago when your Cristian Broadcasting Network (CBN) contacted me about running a story about our family? Do you remember that I decided not to allow you to run a story about us because I disagreed with many of the theology and values of CBN? Do you remember that I told you that I didn't want people to associate my beliefs and the beliefs of my family about God, sickness, family values, etc. with your beliefs? Remember how it was a tough decision, and I didn't really tell anybody about it then because I didn't want to look like I was being judgmental?

Well, right now, I'm incredibly thankful that God helped me make that decision, because it is painfully (and yes, I do mean that it pains me) obvious that the God and Bible you believe in are very different than the God and Bible I trust.

A question posed to you, Pat Robertson this week:

"I have a friend whose wife suffers from Alzheimer's. She doesn't even recognize him anymore, and, as you can imagine, the marriage has been rough. My friend has gotten bitter at God for allowing his wife to be in that condition, and now he's started seeing another woman. He says that he should be allowed to see other people, because his wife as he knows her is gone...I'm not quite sure what to tell him. Please help."

Your, Pat Robertson's response:

"I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again...to make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her. If you respect that vow...you say until death do us part...this is a kind of death."



Pat, I am thankful that I know better than to listen to your words and "logic" about marriage and death. I am thankful that I know the Bible and the heart of God well enough to believe with everything I am that God can do amazingly beautiful things in a marriage even when one person is sick and on the brink of death.

Your response to this person comes from a heart that either does not know God's Word or refuses to trust His Word when it doesn't make sense to our sinful hearts and minds. I am disappointed but not surprised. I am a sinful man with an incredibly sinful heart, and I know that I allow my human brain to rebel against the commands and promises of God far too often as well. I know, looking around me, in my church and in the Church (universal) that we all allow Satan to trick us with human logic into rebelling against God's perfect plan.

But, I also know that marriage is sacred, that God hates divorce, and that those who honor their marriage vows despite the difficulties that come with age and poor health are being fully obedient to His Word. I have never once considered leaving my wife because of her illness, not because I am a "good" person, but because I know that God desires that I remain committed to my vows, and because I trust that He works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.

I don't expect you or the person who asked you that question to ever read this, and I certainly don't expect that my words would ever change your heart or mind about this. But, I want the world to know that there is another way, that those who stay committed to their vows even in the difficult times can come through it with miracles and incredible blessings. The love I have for my wife today is beyond anything I ever experienced during the time we spent together before she became so sick.

Pat Robertson, I love you in Christ, but you are flat out wrong. I know this because the Bible tells me so. My wife would tell you the same thing.

Sincerely,

Nathan Lawrenson

Sanctity of Human Life Sunday

"Oh yes, You shaped me first inside, then out; You formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—You're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, You know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, You watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before You, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day."
(Psalm 139:14-16)

Below is what a 24 week "fetus" looks like. I only wish I could describe to you what it feels like. I have no doubt that anyone who could have held that tiny hand would truly understand just how sacred every human life is, born or unborn.

Nate

Blessed to be a Blessing

This week, Tricia and I began a new adventure. This week, Tricia and I became foster parents.

Of course, I won't be able to share specific info about the children we will be caring for, but we are so excited about this new opportunity and wanted to share about it with you. We began the process several months ago and received our first placement this week.

I've shared with you in the past about our heart for adoption, and while it is still an option that we are considering for the future, our goal right now is to simply provide a safe place for children to live during difficult situations. As you may remember, Tricia (and two of her brothers) was adopted after being placed in the Kirschner house as a foster child. I have a few cousins, uncles and aunts and others in my family who have been adopted. And, we have many friends who are adoptive and foster parents.

We have been blessed to be a blessing. I believe that with all my heart. To not take the blessings He has given to Tricia, Gwyneth and I and turn them into blessings for others would be selfish. Being foster parents is a great way for Tricia and I to be a blessing...we have the time, we have the space, we have the heart for children.

I don't think it's any coincidence that we are beginning this journey during the Christmas season...God gave us His Son so that He could become our heavenly Father. No greater gift could He have given to us. Christmas should be a time for us to be thankful for our blessings and give from our heart to those in need.

Last year, Tricia and I participate in Advent Conspiracy. It forever changed the way we celebrate Christmas and gave us one more reason to consider becoming foster parents. Not everyone can open their home to children, but we can all invest in the lives of others in some way. Take a look at the video below, visit the Advent Conspiracy Website, and consider making this the best Christmas you've ever had.



Nate

Next Stop, France!

Tricia and I are leaving tomorrow (Tuesday) morning for France on our one-week mission trip! This is, in itself, exciting enough...but, what I really want to post here on my CFHusband blog is that my band will be playing a concert for the local Cystic Fibrosis Foundation in Grenoble, France this Friday! Tricia and I (with the help of some talented interpreters) will be sharing a bit of our story as well!

Our contacts with the local French churches have friends who have a child with CF, so it was an easy fit for us to plan something to help them raise local awareness and support. Needless to say, we are stoked at having this opportunity!

If you're interested in learning more about our trip, our mission and our team, please visit our Team France Blog! I doubt I'll have any time to post here while on our trip, and probably won't be posting much on Facebook or Twitter either, but we're going to attempt to update our France Blog at least once a day during our trip with stories, photos and videos.

Thanks!

Nate

Tricia's Story Video

I've put together a video of Tricia's Story from this past Sunday, including a news clip that was shown. I'd still encourage you to check out the entire podcast to get the context of why she was asked to share her story.



Nate

Bless Haiti

In my opinion, living life the way it was meant to be lived is about two things...knowing your purpose and discovering your passion(s). Without a doubt, I know that my purpose in this life is to love God and love people. And, again without a doubt, I know that my passions include my God, my family, my friends, music and photography, among other things. The greatest blessing in this life for me is when I'm able to do something that fulfills my purpose via my passions.

It's probably no secret by now that I've had a passion for photography for a very long time. In fact, if I hadn't found my niche in the world as a musician/worship leader, there's a very high probability I would have pursued photography as a lifelong career. But, up until very recently, photography has been just a passion.

But, over the past few years, I've begun to see photography as a means for me to realize my purpose in new ways. Despite my best efforts to avoid it (literally, I said, "No way!" when a photographer friend asked me in June of this past year if I'd seriously thought of doing some professional shooting), the opportunity to begin a photography business has hunted me down, and I am finally giving in. By the end of this past year, without any advertising of my own, several of you (my blog readers) emailed me about shooting some photos during family vacations here on the Outer Banks. I found the time to do a few of those shoots this in 2009 and am already booking several shoots for 2010. Through this recent experience, it's been confirmed in my heart and mind that professional photography is something I can do.

As I've been praying and thinking about this, my biggest desire has been to use this new endeavor to continue living out my purpose to love God and love others. Although I'll only be doing this part-time, I will be looking for ways to use the majority of the profits to bless others. Honestly, if I end this coming year with a few new pieces of equipment that will help me become better at this art, I'll be very happy for myself.

So, having said all of that, I'm very pleased to tell you about my brand new photography website, NathanLawrenson.com. I'll be specializing in candid, beach photography/family portraits. To celebrate my new business adventure and to set the precedent that I will be using this as a means to bless others, I'm going to be doing two things:

1) For every 2010 photo shoot that I book from today until midnight, January 31, I'll donate $50 of my paycheck to go directly to the relief work in Haiti via Samaritan's Purse.

2) For every unique visitor that NathanLawrenson.com receives from today until midnight, January 31, I'll donate an additional 5c of my own money to the relief work in Haiti via Samaritan's Purse.

I'm sure, by now, everyone reading this has heard, read or seen the news about the incredibly devastating earthquake in Haiti. This massive quake, which has possibly left well over one-hundred thousand dead, is only the most recent in a long series of natural disasters which have, in part, given Haiti the recognition as the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Reports are saying that thousands of people are, right now, still alive, trapped in the rubble of fallen buildings. And, with the absence of electricity, clean water and medical supplies, the death toll could rise dramatically in the next several days unless dramatic action is taken.

To join with me to support the relief efforts in Haiti, you can do three things:

1) Visit NathanLawrenson.com.

2) Tell everyone you know to visit NathanLawrenson.com.

3) Book a photo session with NathanLawrensonPhotography by the end of January.

It's that easy for you to help me support the relief efforts in Haiti.

I have personally been supporting Samaritan's Purse for several years...the video below explains the work they are currently doing in Haiti to help those affected by the earthquake.



Thanks!

Nate

A special "Thank you!" for the encouragement from my family, friends and blog readers over the past few years concerning my photography skills. Your words of encouragement and guidance have given me the motivation to get this project up and running.

2009

As we approached Thanksgiving this year, Tricia and I attempted to reminisce about last year's Thanksgiving...only problem was, as hard as we tried, we could barely remember just a few fuzzy details about it. As we moved closer to Christmas, we realized that we couldn't remember much of Christmas 2008 either.

This time last year, Tricia was just coming out of several months of chemo, and was still in the early stages of her transplant recovery. We were still "new" parents, adjusting to life with a little one who was still completely dependent. We were living with my parents and had just bought our first home, and I was spending several hours each week working on renovations. It's not wonder we can't remember much else...

2008 was a year of incredible stress and hardships in our lives. But, as I read My Last Blog Post of 2008, I am also reminded that it was a year of miracles, gifts and blessings. In comparison, as I look back on 2009, this year has been a time for us to use those same miracles, gifts and blessings to give to others.

For the first time during our marriage, Tricia spent less than a week in a hospital in one year (in fact, I can't remember the last time she spent less than several weeks in the hospital). For the first time in our marriage, we've gone more than a few weeks without a scheduled doctor appointment or an unexpected trip to the ER.

2009 has proven that our lives can be, comparatively speaking, "normal". We traveled more this year than ever before, unhindered by medical equipment and doctor appointments. We spent more time on the beach, walking around our neighborhood and just enjoying time with our friends and family than we could have ever imagined before the transplant. We found our groove as parents and have rediscovered what the word "routine" means.

We do not take for granted all of the people, most who are complete "strangers" to us, who have spent hours praying for our family, all of the cards and gifts that were sent our way while we were living at the hospital, all of the encouraging emails and blog comments. Because of the blessings we've been given and the freedom we're now experiencing, we find ourselves in a place where we can return the blessing to others...2009 has been a year for us to "pay it forward" in so many ways.

The investment that others have made in us over the past few years is now bearing fruit in our lives and in the lives of others. Much like I've learned to love giving Christmas gifts more than receiving as I've grown older, this year, Tricia and I have been able to focus less on our own needs and more on the needs of others, giving more of our time, energy, resources and lives to people who could use an extra blessing or two.

I've told you before that I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that God never wastes a hurt...He always has plans to use the struggles and dark days in my life to eventually help others who are experiencing similar situations. I also believe that He asks us to never wastes our blessings either by using them for selfish gain and prideful recognition. Everything I have and all that I am is only because of Who He is and what He has given to me...to keep these blessing to ourselves would simply be to waste them.

So, thank you, our friends and family and blog readers, for blessing our lives and giving us the opportunity to return the favor!

There is no way to know what 2010 will bring. We certainly pray that it will be another "easy" year for our family. But, whether it's another season of good health or a year of stress, our only desire is to use what He gives us all to bring glory to Him and blessing to others.

Nate

The Lawrenson Family Carolers

Enjoy the sweet harmonies of The Lawrenson Family Carolers...our album is hitting a Walgreens near you in late June, 2017!

In all seriousness, we were able to carol for some people who really needed some extra Christmas cheer this year...I hope that you're doing something fun and meaningful with friends and family this Christmas as well!

Nate

Advent Conspiracy

Christmas is just about my favorite time of the year, for so many reasons. And, considering we haven't been able to truly celebrate the season the way we would like to the past few years, this Christmas is already turning out to be more special than usual.

Last night, with the help of some hot chocolate and apple pie, Tricia and I decorated our own tree for the first time since 2006! Some of my most treasured possessions are the ornaments that I've been collecting my entire life...not because they carry some great material value, but because every one has a story to tell and memories that will never be forgotten. It will be fun sharing our stories of Christmases past with Gwyneth this year (and keeping her from destroying the bottom of the tree).

This year, Tricia and I are participating in Advent Conspiracy, a global challenge to return Christmas to it's original purpose. We're committed to worship fully, spend less, give more and love all this Christmas season in the hopes that we can help change the world by focusing less on the stuff of Christmas and more on the spirit of Christmas. We'll still celebrate in many of the same ways we always do, but we've also chosen, this month, to be more purposeful about using the blessings God has given us to make a practical and eternal difference in the lives of others. We'll be making personal "sacrifices" so that we can give to those who need and don't just want.

Check out the video below...

Answers

Some really great questions this time, and we've had fun answering all of them!

Because a lot of questions were about and for Tricia, I thought I'd let her answer those...

How about a "Tricia" update? How are her lungs? Is she feeling healthy and able to do everything she wants to do? What about her other CF-related issues? Is life after transplant better, worse or exactly what she thought it would be?

My lungs are doing well. They are not at %100 function, which still make exercise difficult for me, but I can't complain. The only thing I feel restricted by is full cardio workouts. I have other CF related issues and transplant related issues, but I don't feel like discussing those. Life post-transplant is definitely easier than pre-transplant and I wouldn't change it for anything.

What's the one thing you'd say to the parent of a child with CF?

Be consistent, encouraging, creative and show discipline when needed. I needed to be shown discipline a lot during my high school years (to keep on my meds and treatments). Be involved with the CF community and don't limit your child if possible. Allow them to dream and achieve all their dreams!

What's a typical day in your families life? Is Gwyneth a good sleeper? What do the girls do during the cold season (when they have to hibernate away from germs) to keep busy and entertained?

A typical day-there is none. Many days involve medical appointments, visiting friends, family, errands, going to the YMCA or park, traveling to church to visit papa or one of his games he is refereeing. Spending our evenings together for dinner, then bath, play, reading time and bed. During the MLB games, we visit G and G at night since we don't have cable.

What are your favorite parts about motherhood? What activities are her bonding times with Gwyneth?

I love all parts of motherhood except when Gwyn is sick. It's nice relating to both my mom and sisters during this season in life and sharing mothering experiences. It is also nice spending play dates with my friends who are also mothers.

I wondered how you were taught about Jesus when you were younger, and how you share your faith with Gwyneth?

Look at My Blog regarding the first question. Right now, just sharing my life and being an example. Using books like the Jesus Bible and some other stories that share values and character traits we hold dear. Lastly, spending time with friends and family who share the same Christian values we share.

Personality wise, who is Gwynethth more like?
I don't know yet. She is strong willed, silly, and very loving. I guess a lot like her papa now.

How do you manage anxiety about the future?

I trust in God daily and don't worry about the future. My personality tends to worry about daily, insignificant things.


The rest of the answers are from me (Nate).

I just want to know how that sweet baby girl of yours got to be so cute?!

I think that's a pretty self-explanatory question, considering most people say she looks "just like her papa".

I'd love a big Gwyneth update! How is she growing and what milestones is she hitting? Do you have any long-term concerns for her?

Gwyneth has actually been growing very little for the past few months. She has been plateaued around 18-19 lbs since July. When you see her in person, you immediately notice that she is very long and slender for a baby of her general weight, which means she doesn't have any of the usual fat rolls of a baby her size. She has three cousins who are all about a year younger than her and about her same weight right now, but they're all a few inches shorter than Gwyneth and much "chubbier".

Recently, she's learned to say "up" when she wants to be picked up (which gives her two words now). She's also recently learned to make a G sound, which sometimes sounds like a K instead. She's crawling all over the place, although her crawl is a little awkward looking (have you ever seen a Komodo Dragon walk?). She is scooting really well along our furniture, and she'll do a pull-up (with her feet coming off the ground) hanging from the kitchen table if you let her. Her upper body is very strong and pretty well coordinated, and we're hoping her legs catch up soon. And, she's learned how to blow kisses with her hand.

We don't have any long-term concerns for her.

Does Gwyneth still drink any kind of formula or is she on regular milk now, and baby food/real food?

Gwyneth still drinks formula to give her as many calories as possible. She's a picky eater, but we think that's in large part because of her other developmental issues. She's just now learning to feed herself with a spoon and fork, and we try to feed her just about anything we want to along with the formula. She's not big into baby food.

How do you/will you handle Halloween as Christian parents? Do you have any Scripture-based evidence to avoid Halloween, or do you see it as harmless fun?

We view Halloween as a neutral thing. Some people use it for evil, others for good, and some just like to have harmless, but pointless fun with it. Our church uses this holiday to serve our community by offering Trunk or Treat every Halloween night (click the link to learn more). We offer a safe and family friendly opportunity for people in our community to do traditional trick or treating with a twist. We offer carnival games, cotton candy, hotdogs, drinks, popcorn, giant moon bounces, and tons of other stuff, all for free. This year, we're expecting over 2500 people to come through our event, most of whom do not attend church anywhere and do not have a relationship with God. It's so much more fun and eternally impacting than barricading ourselves in our home out of fear, or even simply going out trick or treating just to serve ourselves. Anyone with children under 18 who is reading this is welcome to come!

What are your favorite parts about fatherhood and what do your bonding times with Gwyneth entail?

I love watching Gwyneth explore and learn new things. Since her growth and development has been so slow, we've had more time than most parents to enjoy having a small, dependent baby, and every new thing she learns to do is that much more exciting. I love her kisses and her smiles and laughs. I love caring for her...I hog most of her nightly baths, and enjoy fixing her bottles and medications (much the same way I enjoy caring for Tricia's medical needs). And, I love coming home for lunch and after work to see her smile and reach up to have me to take her in my arms. I also enjoy any opportunity that I get to spend with her by myself out in public...especially now that she's wearing her glasses...she attracts a lot of "what a cute baby" attention. :)

Also, how'd you pick you G's glasses?

Tricia picked out her glasses, and let me tell you, there is apparently an incredibly small market for tiny glasses because it took her forever to find what she was looking for. The brand is Miraflex. They're incredibly flexible and very difficult to break. We bought a size that fit her now but also has lots of room to grow. We've also ordered another pair from a different manufacturer, which we're hoping will arrive soon.

How do they work out the prescription for Gwyneth's glasses?

I can't tell you exactly how it works, but with some eye drops, prisms and other equipment, the doctor can determine her prescription. I can tell you that she has some fairly thick lenses.

Personality wise, who is Gwyneth more like?

We see a lot of both of us in her. She's definitely goofy like me, and very sweet like her mother. She's a sleepy-head and a talker like Tricia, and nosy and intense like me.

I was just wondering if Gwyneth is in early intervention?

Gwyneth sees an occupational therapist and a physical therapist once a week for an hour each. She also sees a speech therapist once every two weeks for an hour. Based on our experience, we'd encourage any family with a child who is qualified to receive early intervention to take advantage of it.

I wondered how you and Tricia were taught about Jesus when you were younger, and how you share your faith with Gwyneth?

We were taught, and we're teaching Gwyneth, that our faith in the living God is about life, about a moment by moment relationship with Him and those around us. Every decision we make comes out of our world view, and we hope that world view comes out of our relationship with God and our trust in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Like our parents before us, neither are we perfect...but, we're continually learning about loving God and loving others, and we hope that, as Gwyneth grows older, she'll hear and see our faith in action in the big and small ways in the things we say and do. We hope that our relationships with our family and friends will reflect God's love for Gwyneth, and that those same people will also help us to show Gwyneth what an authentic relationship with God is all about.

Although we hope to be Gwyneth's most effective teachers for many years, we also believe that more is caught than taught. Practically speaking, Tricia has already begun to spend time reading from a children's Bible with Gwyneth, we are teaching her about God's Word through songs and stories, and we involve her, as much as she can be involved, in our family prayer. We also bring Gwyneth along in as much of our adult lives as possible...she sees us serving in ministry at church, she goes with us to serve our community, she is present at our "small group", she comes to watch our band practice on Thursday nights, etc.

Do you have any favorite high calorie foods or recipes that I could use?

Ice cream.

Does G still use oxygen?

No...she hasn't been on oxygen for about a year now.

How is your gorgeous raven haired niece doing? Do her and your blessed white rose have fun playing together?

Evaine is doing very well. She's becoming very aware of her surroundings and is beginning to sit up on her own. She and Gwyneth get to spend time together each week, and it won't be long before they're both playing together all over the place.


I wondered how Jeff was getting on?

My brother-in-law is doing very well, and, in fact, he just received a clean bill of health this past week as he continues to remain in full remission. We're very happy for him and his family!

I wondered if you have noticed a big difference in the quality of sleep that you are now getting since your surgery and are mostly healed from it?

I haven't noticed a "big" difference in the quality of sleep, but I can tell that I'm not nearly as tired during the day. Tricia says I seem to be sleeping much more soundly, and I can tell when I wake up, that I'm often waking up from extended REM, which is something I rarely used to do. I'm planning on having another sleep study in a few months when everything is completely healed up to determine how much of a difference the surgery has made. Like I've said already, the surgery and recovery were much easier than I had expected it to be, and I'd recommend it to anyone who has serious health issues due to large tonsils.

I'm wondering if Tricia is diabetic on top of everything else, or if she needs insulin because of something to do with CF. Also, if she is diabetic, did you find that hospital staff really don't seem to know much at all about diabetes and how to control it?

Tricia is diabetic...she developed gestational diabetes while she was pregnant with Gwyneth (is that redundant?), which has persisted because of the transplant meds she is now on. Many TX patients develop diabetes.

We have had more issues with Tricia's endocrine team at the hospital than any other medical team...it took them forever to figure out how to control her diabetes, and we continue to have issues whenever Tricia is admitted. We know that her case is more complicated than most, because of her health history, her high fat, high caloric diet and her medications, but it can be frustrating. But, compared to the alternative, it's not such a big deal.

How do you balance Tricia and Gwyneth's health issues with having 2 pets? I know you did some serious renovations before you moved in, but have you developed any strategies for winning the battle against pet hair?

Both of our animals shed quite a bit, and along with a few other good reasons, we decided not to have any carpet in our house. All of our new floors are tile and laminate hardwood, and although we can see dirt and hair and other stuff a lot more than if we had carpet, it's also much easier to clean. We have one area rug in the living room, but that's also very easy to clean. We also had a high-tech air filtration system installed, which is a huge help. The doctors informed us that, as long as Tricia isn't constantly rubbing her face in their fur, the dog and cat shouldn't pose any issue for her.

What's the one thing you'd say to the parent of a child with CF?

I'd say, there is a great future for your child if that's what you hope for. There is almost no reason why a child born today with CF, diagnosed early on and given quality treatment can't live a nearly normal and long life. There are a few drugs that are just months away from hitting the market...these drugs have the potential to literally double the life expectancy of a child born today with CF. And, I truly believe that we are getting very close to finding a cure.

Are you guys getting a swine flu vaccine?

No, but we did all get the "normal" flu shot.

What's a typical day in your families life? Is Gwyneth a good sleeper? What do the girls do during the cold season (when they have to hibernate away from germs) to keep busy and entertained? What TV shows do you and Tricia enjoy watching?

A typical day for us involves me getting up around 8am with Gwyneth. I'll spend a few minutes with her before taking her into our room to wake up mommy together. We'll spend some time snuggling in bed, and then get up to eat breakfast, shower, etc. I'm usually at work an hour or two later. The girls will often run errands in the morning before Gwyneth goes down for a nap around noon. I go home pretty often for lunch, and then back to work while Tricia either takes a nap or does some things around the house. Gwyneth usually sleeps for about 2 hours, and then she and Tricia will go out to spend some time with friends, at the park, beach, etc. I'm usually home from work around 5, and we eat supper together. While the weather's nice in the evenings, we take lots of walks, run errands, and spend time around the house reading books and playing with Meka. We always end the day with a bath for Gwyneth, reading a few books together, and singing a good-night song. Gwyneth is usually in bed around 9pm, and she'll usually sleep through the night until 8 the next morning.

During the cold season, we'll spend more time at home than usual, and lots of time hanging out with family and friends. Because Gwyneth is mobile and good at entertaining herself, it's much easier to stay busy.

We actually don't have cable...it's too big of an expense, and we know we'd end up spending way too much time in front of the tv if we could. We do watch a few shows on the internet, and we rent DVD's from time to time (and we'll hang out with friends or family if there's something we really want to watch...like playoff baseball!). Gwyneth watches some Baby Einstein every now and then, but for the most part, we don't spend a lot of time in front of the tv.

What are some Christmas traditions you want to start with Gwyneth? What were your favorite ones? How about Tricia's?

My mom always made a big deal about Christmas...we basically started celebrating the day after Thanksgiving, and growing up, we had too many traditions to count, most of which I would love to continue with Gwyneth. Some of my favorites include picking out a new ornament every year (mine were all nutcrackers and soldiers of some kind), putting up the live tree as early as possible and making a big deal about the decorating (we had a ton of very sentimental ornaments), listening to and singing Christmas songs 24/7, watching movies like "It's A Wonderful Life", "White Christmas" and "A Christmas Carol", opening one gift on Christmas Eve, reading the nativity story from Luke on Christmas morning, and going out to watch a movie on Christmas Day.

What denomination is Nags Head Church? And what do you like most about being a worship leader/pastor?

Nags Head Church is affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention, although we're about as un-traditionally Southern Baptist as any SBC church. I love investing my life and gifts into the lives of others...I believe that there is no greater calling than to use the resources God has given you to show love to others. It doesn't hurt that I get to rock with an awesome band a few times every week either.

You mentioned on twitter a while ago that your work at NHC was going to be cut back to more "seasonal" work. What are your hours like and how does it affect your family life?

I'm basically working a very part-time job right now...any hours I spend there and any money I make there is deducted from my work time and pay from the church. This gives me more opportunities to be out in the community and gives our church some extra financial help during these difficult economic times. This was a decision that our staff made to help our church family through this season, and it's also giving me some good exercise. It's not affecting my family life at all, except that my hours away from home are moved around a bit during the week.

What is one major thing that you would like to accomplish in the next few months?

Hmmm...I would love to lose at least 20 more lbs. I've lost a total of 30 lbs in the past three months, half of that before my surgery and half since.

Having seen a show on the OBX, I wonder if you talk like them?

Not sure exactly what that means...the OBX is very much a melting pot. Before my generation, there were very few people who we born and raised here...growing up, I only knew of a few people my age who were born here on the beach. My mom is from VA and has a bit of a southern accent...my dad was in a military family and lived in a few different places around the country, so I, and most young people who grew up here, really don't have a heavy accent. You will find some very strange accents if you talk with the older generations who were born and bred in places like Ocracoke and Wanchese, but there are very few of those folks left.

How do you - both of you - manage anxiety about the future?

To be honest, neither of us has much anxiety about the future. Yes, we have our moments, but we believe that our future is secure because of Christ, and that God always wants what is best for us, even if it doesn't appear so at the time. We certainly have a responsibility to make wise and healthy decisions that can affect our future, but none of us really has much control over what tomorrow will bring...so, why worry about it? Any time that we spend worrying about what could happen in the future is time we're stealing from our present. We accept the lot we've been given and the life we've already lived...Tricia's CF and Gwyneth's prematurity are as much a part of who we are as anything else in our lives, and based on the faithfulness of God in our past, to worry about the future would seem silly.

Is there anything specific we could pray for?

If you want to pray with us, we're praying that several things will fall in place very soon that will allow Gwyneth's growth and development to speed up. We're hoping that her glasses, her upcoming eye surgery, her upcoming ear tubes, and some new meds that she is on to help with some digestion issues (which should help with her appetite) will all help to spark her development.

Thanks again for the great questions! Answering them kept me busy this week while my girls were away in NJ. BTW, if you have any good follow-up questions based on this post, I'll be more than happy to try to answer them in the comments section.

Nate & Tricia

Blessed

It hits me often...the understanding of how blessed Tricia and Gwyneth and I are. To have both of my girls alive, even with their lingering medical needs, is simply unexplainable.

I have spent many hours talking with and reading the stories of people who have lost their premature children and their CF/TX loved ones. I try to empathize with their loss and pain, but I know that I can't fully understand where they find themselves.

According to medical science, I should be one of those people, in both categories.

I shouldn't be sharing pictures and stories of the three of us together.

I shouldn't be asking for you to think of my wife and daughter's needs.

I shouldn't be thinking of falling asleep in my wife's arms tonight and waking up to my daughter's laughter tomorrow morning.

According to medical science, we beat the odds...we're lucky.

According to God, I am blessed.

I can't explain to you why we are where we are and not where we were told we should be. And, although I don't fully understand why, I can share with you the blessings that have come out of our journey.

I don't take it for granted. This is why I can't complain, publicly, about our current situation. I have my moments, and my days...I've had my desperate conversations with God and family and friends. But, no matter how hard I try, I can't get passed the fact that I am blessed.

Nate