Tuesday, January 15, 2008
(Falling In Love) Again
I am, without a doubt, falling in love with Gwyneth Rose. All through Tricia's pregnancy, because of both the high risk for the baby and our desire to keep it a secret from most people for so long, I held back a lot of the emotional stuff that I would have probably normally have felt for the baby. And, with the suddenness and high emotions involving her birth and the few days following, I just never really had a chance to let things sink in, knowing and enjoying the fact that I am a father.
Even still, while I know that Gwyneth has a great chance at surviving all of this, especially with so many prayers for her around the world, I still understand that God could take her at any time (and again, if that is His will, I will do all I can to accept it). But, finally today, I was able to really spend some extended time sitting and watching and thinking over her, and she is absolutely taking over my heart.
As many of you have noted, my White Rose is incredibly beautiful. Even her nurses (and I'm sure they have to say this about every baby) seem to be taking special note of her. She was sleeping all the time, every time I went to see her today, and it's amazing just to watch her face. She yawns, and wiggles her ears, and scrunches her eyebrows (yes, she has eyebrows already) and opens and closes her eyes whenever she hears my voice or feels my touch. It's simply amazing!
And, when I wasn't with Gwyneth, I was spending most of my time with Tricia, who was incredibly responsive today. She also opens her eyes whenever she hears my voice. I was constantly at her side the moment she moved. She responds to my questions and stories with nods, smiles, frowns and nose scrunches. She even puckered her lips for a kiss when I was telling her about how beautiful Gwyneth is and how proud I am of Tricia (which of course, made me cry). And, she held her eyes open long enough for me to get a few Gwyneth pictures in front of her...not sure if she could see them or if she'll remember, but it was good nonetheless.
They reduced the amount of one of Tricia's sedatives in the morning, which is why she was so responsive today. She did fairly well, but her breathing becomes faster as her conscious becomes more aware of the vent, so they had her back to her previous levels of sedative by the end of the day.
I'm not sure if the transplant team ever came by...I'll be sure to ask about that tomorrow. They were able to suction a lot of stuff out of her lungs, which again, is a great thing. And, her heart rate stayed consistantly below 100, which is great and surprising (to me).
Gwyneth is continuing to do well. No word yet on the CF screening, and no poops. But, they are going to begin the tiniest bit of feedings tomorrow. Just a few drops a day until they see that everything inside is working well. Tricia, because of all of the drugs/meds she is on for her CF, will not be able to feed Gwyneth. But, they do have a local breast milk bank (trying not to think about that one too much) that they will draw from for her.
So, tomorrow marks one week that Gwyneth has been awake and Tricia has been asleep. They both have an incredibly long way to go, and especially for Tricia, I'm afraid the worst is before her (with the recovery and transplant).
I want you to know that I continue to read every comment word for word, and appreciate every last one. I am amazed that I have yet to receive a negative or even attacking comment (there have been a few about us elsewhere), and it blows my mind how many new people keep showing up every day. I think I'll blog some more about this tomorrow. For tonight, Meka's already asleep on my legs, and I am getting groggy, so goodnight!
BTW...I'm pretty sure that K. Byrd is a girl...they run marathons too. :)
PS...just noticed this as I was about to publish. In the picture above, Gwyneth's right hand is saying "I Love You" in sign language...something Tricia and I do often to each other. God is good!