Thursday, May 22, 2008

Adoption and Offenses

Unfortunately, it's apparent to me that I need to clarify something I said in my Last Post (the one about the Chapman family). But, I've been meaning to write a few things about adoption, so this gives me a good excuse.

A few people have commented and emailed me about my use of the word "adopted" to identify the Chapman's youngest daughter, apparently having been, at least, slightly offended by my choice of words.

Firstly, I meant no offense. I doubt that anyone believes I purposely meant to offend, but just in case...

As most of you already know, Tricia is adopted. I also have several other family members and many, many friends who are adopted/adoptees/adopting. In fact, we were seriously considering adoption before Gwyneth came along, and may still consider it in the future. Tricia (and her family) are very open about the adoption of three of their six children...in fact, Tricia's adoption is a HUGE part of her story and our story.

In my humble opinion, adoption is one of the most beautiful acts of love that we as humans can show to anyone. It is, perhaps, the most incredibly tangible reflection of the love of God we can witness on this earth (as He has chosen to "adopt" us into His kingdom), and I know that Tricia and so many others use their stories of adoption to show the story of God to others, just as the Chapman family has done. Even if you don't believe in God, it is always an incredible gift of love and life. I respect that some choose to keep adoption a secret (when it is possible), but I don’t understand it, especially in light of the incredible miracle that it truly is.

I also recognize that there are a lot of adoptive families who read my blog every day. My hope is, by recognizing that Maria is adopted, even those who aren't familiar with the Chapman family will take the time to stop and pray/think about them. I also pray that those who have never given adoption much thought might see this story and consider the miracle that it is.

Perhaps, with posting the picture of the Chapman family (which I added to the post later), it was unnecessary to specifically spell it out, but I consider it an important part of their lives, and an important reason to pray for them now. I can only imagine that the loss of any child is too difficult for words.

I find it discouraging that people are so easily offended (several other people left comments like your email under that post) when my post was meant to do nothing more than ask that you remember the Chapman family. I am not hurt or offended, but, I also continue to find it amazing that every single one of my posts has the potential make somebody feel offended...I've even had a few angry comments/emails about my pictures-only posts... The only way for me not to offend anyone on this blog to have never started it in the first place, which of course, is not something I'm sorry for.

I’ll be the first to stand in line and say that I’m offended by things that weren't meant to be offensive, and I’m attempting to be more consistent in making the choice to not be offended (because, most of the time, we're only offended because we choose to be).

Again, I meant no offense, and I took lengths to make sure that I posted about the Chapmans with sensitivity. I am sorry that a few of you were offended by my words, or least felt enough emotion to tell me about it. I hope you’ll understand my position and motives, and that you’ll consider thinking the best of me next time you’re tempted to be offended by something I write.

To all those adoptive families who read my blog, thank you so much. Without adoption, neither Tricia nor Gwyneth would be in my life right now.

Thanks!

Nate

174 comments:

Betsy said...

WOW Nate, that was a wonderful way to put that... I am just sorry you had to do it at all. I have 5 'adoption blessings' and I was not offended at all... I love for people to know how we choose to serve God and also hope the faces of my children might even speak to just one other heart about adopting. The Chapmans are so deserving of our prayers today of course, but even today... I know they would want to shout to the world that their precious daughter came to them through Gods' plan of adoption! Adoption is a wonderful word indeed! Thanks for your post on this. I know the world is praying for them now!
Elizabeth

Brenda said...

Good gracious. Get over it people! Try to walk in someone else's shoes for a change. If you don't like what's being said on THIS MAN"S blog, don't read it!

kbs said...

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace 8that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ,to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.
We are all adopted. I thank God for adopting me. Your tribute was beautiful and caused me to cry again as I think about their loss.
Nate, you have never offended me and I've read your blog every day since Tricia was admitted in the hospital. Thank you for caring so much about others. It's what draws us to your special family. Karen

Lesley said...

Well said!!

jamie said...

my goodness. It seems you can't say ANYTHING these days without offending someone, doesn't it?? I saw nothing to offend anyone. But then I seldom do....
Between being PC about the things I am aware of, and not knowing what may bother someone else, all I (or you) can do is the best we can!!
Try not to let it get to you, ok? This blog has been such a blessing for me and countless others. Thank you.. I've been praying for the Chapman family. So heartbreaking.
God Bless you all
Jamie in Texas

Teacher in the middle said...

As usual, well said! I do not have adopted children, nor do I have family members/close friends who are adopted/adopting, etc. However, I have always seen adoption as a tremendous and fantastic act of love and am secretly (not so secretly now, I guess) praying that God may open my husband's heart and our home to adoption.

Ninalindy said...

First time poster, long time reader, adoptive MOM...Your SCC post was just fine not offensive. You were simply relating information in a way that anyone who may not know of the family could get the facts. Just as sure you probably don't introduce Tricia, as your wife who was adopted, we do not introduce our daughter as our adopted daughter BUT what you said here in honor of this little girl and her family was just a loving tribute.

Em said...

I am often quite amazed at the things that people will let "offend" them. Nate, you have hit the nail on the head about adoption. Adoption is NOT a bad word...quite the contrary. There are many people who have children simply because they get pregnant by accident. But people who adopt CHOOSE to have a child and love that child. They sacrifice money, time, and so much else just to be able to give a child love, a home, a future. I have 2 cousins who are both adopted from China. They are the light of my life and I can't imagine this world without them. My aunt has told me after she got her first that she actually regrets all the time fiddling with fertility treatments and in vitro. She has told me that she can't even imagine that she did not give birth to her girls, even though she didn't spend the first several months of their lives with them. Sorry for getting on a little soap box, but this one really hit home. Thank you so much for your post...you explained brilliantly.

littlemis said...

I'm half adopted (my mother adopted me and my brothers when she married my bio dad.) I'm sorry that some people can't lighten up and not take themselves so seriously. There are more important things in life to spend our energy on other than whether a word offends us or not. Coincidentally, another favorite blog of mine just posted about calling a duck a duck. Nate - you rock and I admire your patience and sincerity.

cuticumber said...

Hi Nate,
Just wanted to let you know that I have been reading your blog for a while and have found it extremely inspiring and uplifting, but not one time offensive. I've never left a comment, until today. I am a huge Steven Curtis Chapman fan. I am also adopted. I will be dancing to "Cinderella" with my father at my upcoming wedding in July.

Anyway, thank you for everything you do for "us" and please don't change in efforts to please "us".

God Bless.

Amy Lynn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessica Jenkins said...

I've already emailed you, just to let you know that I'm here... reading your story (don't worry, I did get a response, and thank you). I haven't really felt lead to comment until now. As I'm sure you're finding the adoption community is HUGE in the 'blogging world.' Adoption is something that is close to my heart and I hope is someday a part of my family with my children. Regardless of the terminology used, it's all the same, it's still family.

WWW.ClayCleanse.Com said...

Adoption is marvelous. When I adopted my son who is now two years old, I was so overcome with the magnitude of the miracle that I went overboard telling people even complete strangers our adoption story. I've learned to tone it down a bit but I still become overwhelmed with emotion when I think about it some times. The fact that there are so many childless people praying for a baby yet God chose me to be the recipient of this wonderful gift. I wish you cold meet my son so I can tell you all about him, lol. I don't understand how your post could have offended anyone.

Kathleen said...

Nate, your post made me think tonight because although I am never offended by reading the term adopted child, I have had trouble understanding it. I have children that were conceived with help from a fertility doctor and then I have children that were conceived without help. I always thought that it was odd that we didn't label them fertility kids verses natural so why would people label bio kids verses adoptive kids. I don't think I ever thought of it as singling the process out as a blessing. Perhaps I need to rethink my feelings about this. I love when my thoughts are challenged. Thanks again and many thoughts and prayers for the Chapmans.

Karen said...

It is unfortunate that people can't just read your blog and enjoy your wonderful stories and strength. I come here to get inspiration from your family. I think Tricia is amazing and you are such a great husband and father. Your daughter is so cute too. I'm sorry that there are some people who can't just read and keep their negative comments to themselves. Adoption is great and both sides of the situation shouldn't feel the need to keep it secret.

JoythruHisGrace said...

I again thank you for so openly and honestly sharing all that you do. If God ever blesses Casey and I with a child, it will be through the gift of adoption. Not that you need validation, but we whole-heartedly agree with what you have written and stand beside you. I think it is awesome that you are making so many people aware of the many ways we can share Christ's love. Many children live in need of loving, nurturing homes. Not enough people are aware of the blessing of adoption. And, you are right, you simply can't please everyone. It just isn't possible. That is something I am coming to terms with in my own life. The only One you have to please is God - and, well, you already know that too. I'm so glad you have the grace to know this and I pray for your continued strength and protection. May God continue to use your life to bless others. You have made us all so much more aware of so many important life issues. I feel immensely humbled and blessed.

Ellinghouse said...

sometimes, does it not just feel like whatever you say, it will strike a cord with someone? You are great, some folks just need to chill out!

Amy Lynn said...

I felt that your post about the Chapman family came across very sensitive and caring. I truly don't understand how it could have been taken offensively.

I agree that adoption is a very beautiful act of love. I have considered adopting and still hope to in the future. We thank the Lord for blessing us with our girls. Children are a Gift from the Lord....No matter how they come to us. :)

Blessings!
Amy in Oregon

Starfish Smiles said...

Hi Just wanted to comment that I found nothing offensive in your post. Three of my 4 children were adopted from the foster care system. I love to tell people our story and am often surprised by the number of people who respond by I have always wanted to do that but never knew what to do. I can then usually answer a few questions for them and maybe they will go on and help a child or two. I don't find it offensive at all that she was referred to as his adoptive child. His website celebrates how his children came to him. He was so touched by adoption he started his own organization to help families adopt. I am completely saddened by their family's loss.

Starfish Smiles said...

Hi Just wanted to comment that I found nothing offensive in your post. Three of my 4 children were adopted from the foster care system. I love to tell people our story and am often surprised by the number of people who respond by I have always wanted to do that but never knew what to do. I can then usually answer a few questions for them and maybe they will go on and help a child or two. I don't find it offensive at all that she was referred to as his adoptive child. His website celebrates how his children came to him. He was so touched by adoption he started his own organization to help families adopt. I am completely saddened by their family's loss.

Graham said...

oh.come.ON!!!! Seriously, you had people offended by what you wrote on the Chapman family?!?!? Does it feel like you're having to counter just about every post you write? I have never met you, Tricia, or your extended families before in my life...don't know anyone personally that know any of you, either...but for all of the posts that you have had to write that are trying to explain a previous post - are people not able to see your & Tricia's (and your families) hearts? Crazy. Just cah-razy. Adoption is such a blessing, and for someone to be offended what you wrote - perhaps that person (those people) are struggling right now with something relating to adoption...in some way. Maybe they just found out they were; maybe they don't want others to know; maybe they have had a bad experience...who knows. But I will pause and say a prayer...thanking God that adoption IS an option, and others will see it as the blessing that it is.

Kristi said...

No offense taken and I have 2 wonderful adopted children from Guatemala! I wish people would get offended about things that were far more offensive than that particular word!! Praying for SCC....

Much love -
Bamagirl

Marci said...

Nate, I have an adopted son and he is MY gift from God. Don't let people rile you. Shake off the dust. =)

The Gang's All Here! said...

I'm a pre-adoptive mom and I was not offended at all. I loved the honor you paid to them and to their ministry in your life.

And I agree with these other posters - the family I'm sure would be thrilled with your post. It's been my impression of late that their passion for the orphans of the world was their most important mnistry after their own family.

I'm just anxious for my own little miracle to get here!!!!!

kaylee114 said...

Unfortunately, I think no matter what you write, there is always a chance that someone, somewhere will be offended. Just like there are probably some comments that you receive that may offend you. Keep posting, Nate, Don't let these negative comments bother you! We love your blog!! Oh ,and I see Tricia is using a Boppie in that photo with Gwyneth! Love those!

handful-of-sky said...

Like many other commenters, my husband and I have adopted children. Only two hours ago, a friendly man doing a grocery store demo commented on how obvious it was that my four children are related to each other. I gleefully thanked him and then told him that our daughters are actually adopted from Costa Rica (the girls aren't bothered by sharing their story with others) and not biologically related to me or their brothers. He actually didn't believe me for a few seconds! I delight in sharing the news of our adoption with others in the hope that they may one day consider it for themselves or lend support to someone they know undergoing the process.

Susan said...

Nate: I loved the way you put your reply. People get offended over nothing. Life is too short to get upset over little things. If they don't like what you write, then they should stay off the site. Keeping blogging - your story increases my faith!!!

Christy said...

Unfortunately, people will find anything to be offended about.. to be honest, I am offended by people being so offended. LOL.

My prayers are with the Chapman family.. what a tragedy!!

luvgod2 said...

What a blessing to have gifts of adoption! I have a wonderful friend who has been waiting what seems like forever for her adoption to finalize for her son from Ethipia. I am stunned at what someone would find offensive about adoption.

Another friend just completed two adoptions last year and the judge told them that with adoption there is no way for them to ever write their daughters out of their will. Not that they would EVER want that but it made me realize how secure we are in God's family!

Thank you for your posts, continue to post as they have touched me and others greatly!

Jen said...

Nate,
Beautiful post! I have three miracles--two are biological and one came to us through adoption. Your post about Maria wasn't offensive at all in my opinion. All day I heard on the radio that Maria was born in China and they are adoption advocates. SCC talks about the miracle of adoption all the time. I can't walk in the store with my son w/o it being obvious to all who can see that he was born in my heart, not under it.

Sorry you had to feel like you needed to defend your post, I thought it was just fine the way it was.

Jen in NY

Cheri (prounounced like the tree, like the fruit, as in Cherry Pie) said...

Nate...As you know, we just completed our adoption of our daughter! When I read your "explanation" post, I couldn't believe it! It's your blog for crying out loud! Write what you want, and if people don't agree, you're not twisting their arms to continue reading! We tell folks our daughter is adopted...it's obvious as she is much more beautiful than her mother! You keep doing what you are doing! I can't follow the blog as closely as I do with a new baby in the house, but want you to know how happy I am for you and Tricia! I thank God regularly for the miracles I have witnessed in reading your blog! Cheri in Missouri

PletcherFamily said...

We have a son we adopted from China last August. Our hearts are just broken for the Chapman family. We will pray for them as the begin the healing process. Thanks for posting this information.
And as for the word adoptive in your post - there is nothing wrong with that. :)

Tracie said...

Thank you for your wonderful words, I sometimes think that people tend to go looking for something to be offended by.

I've known that I was adopted since I started school and 35 years later, I don't pay much attention to the fact that I'm adopted. Other people do, though, and I have to say that I find it interesting how other people react to my adoption. Some of my own family and in-laws view me differently because I'm adopted. Adoption saved me from the foster care system. It gave me two wonderful parents and I'm quite proud to be a "chosen" child!

Thanks again,
Tracie

Tracie said...

Thank you for your wonderful words, I sometimes think that people tend to go looking for something to be offended by.

I've known that I was adopted since I started school and 35 years later, I don't pay much attention to the fact that I'm adopted. Other people do, though, and I have to say that I find it interesting how other people react to my adoption. Some of my own family and in-laws view me differently because I'm adopted. Adoption saved me from the foster care system. It gave me two wonderful parents and I'm quite proud to be a "chosen" child!

Thanks again,
Tracie

~j~ said...

Stay strong and carry on!
j

John & Michelle said...

As always, I am blessed every time I read your blog. My own mother was adopted at age 5 with a correctable medical issue. She was blessed with Godly parents and grew to be a loving, caring adult.

We are waiting in line for our daughter from China, whom we'll be honored to share with the world as our adopted daughter. Obviously...she won't look like us! I believe with all my heart that the Lord planted the seed in my heart to go to China when I was just 14 years old. During the different seasons of my life...HE has shown me that that is the direction he intends for me to go. I am trusting HIM to sustain my husband and I for the remainder of our journey!

Blessing and Love from Illinois,
Michelle

Katy said...

Wow...people are offended way too easily! I am thrilled myself to be in the process of adopting a toddler daughter from Haiti, and I was not offended in the least by you including the word adopted. It is obvious that you were just asking for prayers for SCC's family, and why not include that their precious baby girl was adopted? I know they are HUGE supporters of orphans, and it just means that more people will be touched by adoption. Don't stress about it, Nate.

momwriter said...

I'm finding that the older I get (now middle-aged), the less 'offended' I am about things. Just seems to be a kind of self-centered, pointless exercise to me. No offense. /-: You just can't please everyone. Lifting the Chapmans in prayer tonight. p.s. Amen to Brenda, commenter #2!

Rick Lawrenson said...

Don't let it bother you an iota.

"Adopted" is one of the most loving words in our vocabulary. People who are so easily offended by things like that simply are displaying their own insecurities.

Marsmile said...

Spectacular post! I agree with you that adoption is truly special for all parties involved-- the child, parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and more. Our family friends-- the father, who is my dad's best friend, and his wife adopted two. If they were not adopted, they wouldn't be where they are today and have what they need.

There are sooo many children, even older ones, in need of adoption because family is a critical unit... I think family is essential to life as one gets support and so much more from having a family.

My prayers go out to the Chapman family. I was sad to hear about that and cannot imagine how the son must be feeling. I pray and hope this won't traumatize him as well as the family and that this grief/guilt will resolve within time (gradually, of course) and be replaced with happy memories of the little girl.

Marissa

P.S. Don't dwell too much on people who feel offended and those who offend you... and it's clear that you don't and aim to focus on the positive (and you definitely don't even try to offend anybody!). I applaud you for that. It can be quite difficult for some people to do that. Again, thank you so much for sharing your stories on this marvelous blog and keep up the great work!

Shelly said...

I have been reading your blog for a while now but have never commented. I do pray for you and your family daily! I find it very sad that someone has gotten offended over stating that someone is adopted. My husband and I have two beautiful adopted daughters. With out the precious gift of adoption we would not have any.I too find that it is a beautiful testimony of how gracious our God is. I am very proud of telling people we have adopted our girls! This is part of our family story! This is part of their story! Both of our girls will grow up knowing that this is how God knit our family together! I am so thankful to the selfless gift their birth mothers gave us! I pray for them and thank God for them daily! I am a PROUD MOTHER OF TWO ADOPTED GIRLS! ( 7years & 13 months)

Sara said...

Oh goodness. Well, I know you have learned that no matter what, someone somewhere will be offended or find fault. You always handle it with class and grace and this post is a perfect example of that. I thank you for sharing all that you have!

Jodey said...

Nate, your response was very well put! As, was your original post. Maybe the people who were offended are not familiar with the adoption foundation that the Chapman family has founded. They are huge adoption advocates. Even in their own statement on their website, they say their adopted daughter. I am an advocate of adoption. I am blessed to have two miracle children of my own when I wasn't supposed to be able to carry them. I couldn't have more after them, but I am raising two of my fiancee's children, who people think are mine all the time. Sometimes we correct people, other times we don't. Often I tell people our story. We believe fully that they should know their history, but as a blended family, there are no step/half siblings. We're all one big happy family.
I continue to keep the Chapman's in my thoughts and prayers, as well as you're beautiful family.
Jodey

Kellee Flatt said...

Ya know, when I read your post I chuckled. Cuz I agree with my fellow readers... silliness! I mean if you read something and are offended... don't read. That's my thought. But I also chuckled because a while back I was on my church's drama team. We did a drama where there were 5 of us... and we went on and on about "offenses" "This carpet is sooo offensive." "This music offends me." "The pastor's tie is offensive." "The wallpaper in the bathroom is offensive." And on and on we went... nitpicking and ranting over everything that offended us. Finally one of the last offenses was the "long walk in the parking lot because all those visitors are coming." And then finally, a visitor was listening in, and walked away saying that he wanted no part of this "Christian thing." Now, I know that not everyone reading is a Christian, but... Wow! It's your blog. A way to "let it out" and share with thousands of avid encouraged and encouraging readers who have adopted you into our families (Shoot! I said it.... Sorry folks!) But really. I think people need to give you a break. All right... that's my thought.

mjdav said...

I felt your post about the Chapman family tragedy was done with grace and sensitivity. I too feel the adoption of children into their family is a huge part of their story and absolutely nothing offensive in stating the facts. Adoption is a beautiful picture of love and sacrifice, often by two families.

Krystal said...

This is a very beautiful post, and thank you for sharing your feelings about adoption!

I am definitely not defending anyone who wrote anything nasty about your previous post. I found it to be very sensitively and well-written for such a difficult topic.

However, I will venture a guess here, since some may think that people are simply looking for a reason to be offended. People may not have been offended about adoption or the word "adopted" because it is a bad thing or a negatve word to use. It may have been, instead, the way in which the word was used. For me, "adopted" is a verb it is not an adjective. "Adopted" is not a descriptor of a person, it is the (wonderful) process by which some families have been built. I wouldn't chose the words, "my son is adopted", but I might say "my son was adopted" or "my son joined our family through adoption". It's a process that was completed to unit a person with their family, but it isn't what a person *is*. Some people are just more sensitive to the subtle messages and implications of using the word "adopted" as an adjective.

So, maybe, just maybe, that is what these people or some of them were thinking. However, let me just say for the record, that I was in no way offended by what your wrote. Even if someone did not like the word choice, it was (IMHO) in very poor taste to bring it up and deflect from the tragic topic of your post.

Kristi said...

"Adoption" is not a bad word. It's the beautiful, amazing, miraculous word that made me a mommy. :)

MCK Mama said...

OOooooh, that was SO well written it gave me the chills. And to think I didn't think twice about being "offended" when I read your post earlier about the Chapman family. Super great post here, Nate. Amen!

Jen in Al said...

I am so sorry that you needed to write this post. i am adopted and have always known i am and i do not think there was anything offensive in your post AT ALL. my being adopted is one of the special and unique parts of my life (as EVERY life is special and unique) that i love to share because it is part of how God took care of me just like my children being biologically born to my hubby(adopted as well) and i is part of their story. Great reminder to seek to be difficult to offend. thank you for your graciousness.:) God is good and His fruit is evident in your life.:) continuing to pray...jen in al

Marla Taviano said...

Well, hey, it looks like God used a couple not-so-nice comments to get a beautiful discussion on adoption started. (Foiled again, Satan!!)

God is so stinkin' cool.

Alison said...

Hi Nate,

Just keep posting what you're posting. It brings such happiness and is such an inspiration to people.

It is such a shame that people choose to let certain things offend them. How sad that they can't focus on such a wonderful testament your story is.

Thank you for sharing your life with all of us. I know you put yourself out there everytime you post, and I simply want you to know, I for one appreciate your honesty and candor you share in your blog.

My best wishes to you and your beautiful girls. With love and prayers!

William said...

Well said. I am adopted and I think it is a beautiful and wonderful thing. Why keep something so great hidden? Adoption is a great picture of Christ and our adoption as believers into His family. God's grace.

Charis

Story of our Life said...

I have heard this story on several "news stations" today. Each and EVERY one of the reporters said the same thing you did.

It is what it is.

You did not come out in vindictive-ness (is that is even a word). You were loving, supportive, informative, ect ect.

Thank you for your post and I'm sorry at the same time you had to "clarify" your thoughts.

:) (((HUGS))) to you and your beautiful girls!!

William said...

Well said. I am adopted and I think it is a beautiful and wonderful thing. Why keep something so great hidden? Adoption is a great picture of Christ and our adoption as believers into His family. God's grace.

Charis

William said...

Well said. I am adopted and I think it is a beautiful and wonderful thing. Why keep something so great hidden? Adoption is a great picture of Christ and our adoption as believers into His family. God's grace.

Charis

Mills Family said...

Beautifully written Nate, and I'm sorry anyone would take offense to using the term "adopted". We have two "biological" and one "adopted" son. They are all unique, and we love them all very much. Part of Toby being unique is that he is adopted. I took no offense, and anything you read from the Chapman family also says "adopted daughter".

God has given you a voice, Nate, and I think it is amazing that you continue to use it to honor Him!

Cristi said...

You have nothing to apologize for. There was no offense. This is a great way to send prayer requests across the country and even further. They are in my prayers and thanks to you many more are praying.

Sarah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Blessings From Above said...

Very sorry that once again you are having to defend yourself for your good intentions.

Hang in there!

Sarah said...

Hey Nate,
Just wanted to drop a quick note to tell you to not be discouraged about the comments that some write to you. Unfortunately, in my own experience with blogs and my friends, there are certain people that only read blogs to pick them apart or find something to nag on or comment on. I know it's hard to brush these things off, but try to, I also know it's hard when you feel like your character is being questioned. I am adopted and have many around me who are adopted and adopting. Nothing you said in the post was offensive but instead maybe tapped into some insecurities of people going thru adoption or that are adopted.

Sidenote, I think my friend Debbie has been talking to you about when you went to Nyack, did you play soccer for Davie? Just saw him a few weeks ago.

Anyways, you are doing great on here! Love Tricia's new haircut too! Too cute.

Amanda said...

I have one adopted child and one biological child. Although there are days that I "forget" that their backgrounds are so different, I am forever thankful that God has allowed me to live the example He has set for us through adoption. I would never be offended that my child was labeled adopted. I consider it a compliment! I only get offended when people refer to my biological child as my "real" child.

Thanks for asking for prayers for the Chapman family. I have been heartbroken today. They have been an inspiration to me and I am pryaing that God uses this tragedy for tremendous good with adoptions.

Debra said...

Well, I am offended that you used a form of the word "offend" 14 times in your blog! lol Just kidding!

Some people just have to look for something to be upset about. Their loss. They're missing out on the blessings in your blog.

Love the new pics! And Tricia's new haircut.
Aspiemom

Mark and Rebekah said...

Chalk me up as another non-offended reader/adoptive parent!

I think that it was good to say it because of the Chapman's adoption ministry. In fact, in leiu of flowers, they're requesting donations be given to their adoption ministry--Shaohanna's Hope. (link at bottom)

They have even been recognized by the president for their amazing work.

As an adoptive parent of our 6 month old son, I can't imagine what they are going through. I've felt sick to my stomach all day after hearing the news. Definitely been praying without ceasing.

Thank you for continuing to update us on your lives. It's refreshing to read what God's doing in your life!

Rebekah

http://members.shaohannahshope.org/site/News2?age=NewsArticle&id=6259

Our Family of Four said...

I adopted my baby girl and I wasn't offended at all. Guess we all have our buttons. Nice post and I do think adoption would be a great choice for you and Tricia someday... you obviously have LOT'S of love to give!

KaraP said...

Nathan,
As an adoptive mother to a baby from China, I have been in prayer today for the Chapman family. I have learned that the adoption community can be a bit on the touchy side. I will have to go back and read the comments if some of them haven't been deleted. I don't believe you said anything wrong. Maria was adopted into the Chapman family, the same as my daughter was adopted into ours. Some people get touchy with differentiating between bio and adopted children. It happens. As a society, we have become far too PC in my opinion. I answer questions all the time regarding my daughter's parentage, I am her mom, but she has a birth mom too. And every sunday after mother's day, we honor her birth mother. Keep on Nate, you are fine.

Kara

Joy H said...

Egads! I'm adopted and was in no way, shape, or form offended by your beautiful post. Seriously, people need to get a grip and see what is really important.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with such ridiculous stuff.

Kim said...

Good night, nurse.
My oldest daughter is adopted. I do not see that what you wrote is inappropriate or offensive-it's not like you are introducing them and seperating them by who's biological and who's adopted. This is a tragic story reported by this family-who also mention she's adopted-who you are requesting prayers for. I wish people would say something nice or not anything at all.
Kim

Kim said...

Good night, nurse.
My oldest daughter is adopted. I do not see that what you wrote is inappropriate or offensive-it's not like you are introducing them and seperating them by who's biological and who's adopted. This is a tragic story reported by this family-who also mention she's adopted-who you are requesting prayers for. I wish people would say something nice or not anything at all.
Kim

Kim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Our life is a bowl of Barry's said...

Nate, you are doing a WONDERFUL job with your blog. You are using it to not only allow us all to be a small part of your lives, but also to bring forth other topics that are near and dear to your heart. People these days find it so easy to fault others, to be negative....why? I really can't even pretend to understand. There are many out there that turn to negativity to make themselves feel better while making others feel bad-I guess they need to find some happiness and quick!! I am a faithful reader (I check your blog at least 2-3 times a day) and this is my first time to comment.....don't let them get to you-there are so many of us that smile every time we read your blog!!! Take care, keep up your amazing gift of sharing and caring.

Reba said...

I didn't get to your blog yesterday and read the news last night on another forum, but just wanted you to know I wouldn't have been offended. There are times it does offend me (usually when the media uses it to point out something negative, like his "adopted" son was responsible for a crime). But in this case, I said basically the same things on my blog. Oh, and I am a mother of two adopted little ones from Guatemala. (I don't think SCC would be offended either...adoption is his forum which is one of the many things we have appreciated about him in our own journey the last couple of years!)
Reba

swahilimama said...

I have two adopted children and I see nothing offensive in your post. Some people just need to lighten up and/or get a life. Do you force people to read your blog or something? J/K

My heart is breaking for the Chapman family tonight--especially the teenage son.

e_susan94 said...

Nate, you are amazing! I knew exactly what you meant when you wrote about his adoptive daughter being sent to Heaven. You not only were telling everyone which daughter it was (because he has 2 other girls through adoption and one older bioligal girl) and that each one is precious. and it's like the paparazzi in the news there's always someone out there that wants to start a fight or be negative. It's good that you have the option to delete the negativity because this blog is only for the uplifting and inspiration and enlightening of. (I'm not good at grammar but you know what I mean).

momunscripted said...

Hugs Nate - we're a proud adoptive family. I think NOT talking about it makes it seem like something to be swept under the rug. My son openly shares that he's adopted - something that wouldn't be readily noticeable.

If being specific offends some - I'd guess there are some issues they need to work through. Your apology was unnecessary, but lovely.

Kim

Jenn & Ed said...

Nate,

I love your blog and love your story, but please stop wasting your time and energy on a few naysayers. I quickly browsed through the comments to see if I could find what you mean and all it looked like to me was lots of "thank you for posting this" and "I'll pray for them". Point being: the positive vastly outweighs any small negative. No matter what you post, someone will disagree with you and there are always people who like to get offended. Just ignore them. You have a very public blog and unless you want to cut out comments all together, it is just part of the deal. Delete them or ignore them, but for goodness sakes, don't give them any credibility/validity/attention by dedicating posts to them. We all know you are not being offensive, if someone gets offended by your story/posts then they can just not read your blog. Problem solved.

Thanks as always for sharing your story with us. I feel so blessed to have been able to follow it.

Warm Regards,

Jenn

kclouhoo07 said...

I know I shouldn't let it get to me but I get SOOO angry when you make these posts about simple things - explaining your labels AGAIN because people would rather bug you than make a little effort even though you've done your best to oganize this for us and especially that anyone has told you how to write your blog and what to correct.
People, this is HIS blog. It's like a journal. You wouldn't like it if somebody told YOU what to write in yours, especially when they're picking at you just to pick. I can't believe people sometimes...a heartfelt post meant to inform people to call upon God for prayer is said to "offend" someone because he put up all the information, something SCC certainly isn't shy about himself.
Maybe it's your own faul that you believed that Nate meant they only loved her partially because of her adoption or that it didn't hurt them as badly because she wasn't their "real" child. Geeze people, get with it!
Next time you choose to let something offend you, perhaps you should think about why it does, reread the post, think some more and still keep your nose out of it because ultimately it's HIS blog. Chill.

Brad, Carmen, Braylen and Alea Fleck said...

Thank God for adoption, without it I wouldn't have a home in Heaven awaiting me and I wouldn't have my two beautiful little girls who were adopted with love. We LOVE to share our ADOPTION story. Our girls can cheerfully say, "I'm a miracle!! I was adopted!" And I can say, I have been BLESSED!!!!

Jason, Audrey, Mikayla & Allison said...

Goodness gracious people! Get over yourselves. Nate, this is your blog. A tribute to your wife and daughter. You've graciously allowed us into your world. I hope that the small amount of rudeness isn't overshadowed by the bajillions of us who love your family and pray for you daily.

Your post did remind me of a question I had been wondering. Does Tricia know or have any contact with her birth family? I know you haven't touched much on this topic and so I'll assume it's too personal for blogland--but you said we could ask.....;-)

PS. Your family is just stunning! Seriously.

Jen in Al said...

i wanted to add something to my earlier comment. My being adopted has never made me feel that i am any less my parent's daughter. i am as much my parent's daughter as my biological children are mine. i believe that just as the Lord predestined me to be His he also planned for my adoptive parents to be my parents like i am my children's parents. it is a sad thing to see adoption as anything but beautiful and wonderful. just wanted to add that. i am praying that those that chose to take offense will see adoption the way our Heavenly Father sees it. :) continuing to pray...jen in al

Bobbi said...

I love your blog. I was adopted and found nothing offensive in your last post by saying she was adopted.

Kim said...

As Pastor Mark Driscoll pointed out in a recent sermon, anyone who has been adopted is in good company. Jesus was also adopted, afterall, by Joseph. :)

Kris (Mom to 2 Chapines) said...

This is YOUR blog, Nate, and you have the right to post whatever you choose in whatever way you choose to do it!

I was an adoptive parent who pointed out the "unnecessary" but certainly not in my mind offensive use of the word adopted. I'm sorry if you thought I was offended. I was merely trying to make the point, as you so eloquently did, that the loss of a child is an unbearably painful thing, regardless of how the child joined his/her family.

Again, it's YOUR blog to be used how YOU see fit. I am an honored bystander...thanks for sharing your life with me and so many others!

Emily said...

My husband was adopted and we are currently up to our eyeballs in the adoption process ourselves. For whatever it's worth, absolutely nothing about your post offended me. Some people are just punks. ;)

Audience of one!

Kristi said...

What I found interesting was that I was watching some of SCC's videos on YouTube, and your post reminded me that in one of his blog posts, he actually refers to the two younger girls as his "adopted daughters". Copy and paste this link and fast forward to 8min 40 seconds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLYxtuC0oRk

I also wanted to ask for prayers for another little girl in Iowa, just 22-months-old, who was struck by a vehicle and killed in her driveway yesterday as well. My sister is very close to this family, and she is asking for lots of prayers for them. Here is a link to little Avery's story if anyone is interested.
http://www.kcrg.com/news/local/19153734.html
How ironic that they both died in the same way on the exact same day...if you would like to leave some words for Avery's family, I have a post on my blog about it. I will make sure her family receives the prayers and thoughts. Thank you so much.

Liz said...

people who choose to be offended by a man who obviously has no ill intent in his heart whatsoever(that'd be you nate) have too much time on their hands and need to be put in "grown-up" time-out -

feel free to send any complaints my way and i'll be glad to set them straight with a dose of cold-shower honesty -

everyone live life with common sense thinking and peaceful hearts - i promise you it is much sweeter this way -

think first before you speak
and let love lead

-liz

BS said...

My grandson is adopted (at age 13) and we wouldn't give him up for anything. Your post was very tastefully done.

Jackie said...

Steven Curtis Chapman even refered to her as his "adopted" daughter from China in a YouTube video! If HE isn't offended, no one else should be either!! You were referring to his daughter, after all.

melissam2 said...

Ever considered renaming the blog "Take a Chill Pill"??

Jane-Jane said...

on the Champman's blog, Maria is referred to as adopted. My thought is that if they can say it, then no one should be offended! And you are correct, even if you did not know one thing about their family, there would be NO doubt that those three beauties with such dark hair were not carried in Mrs. Chapman's tummy. People need to get over themselves and leave you alone!

Pamster said...

Another adoptive mom chiming in here. I appreciate it when people see our adopted children as our sons and daughters first and let the adoption take a back seat. However, I was not a bit offended by your post. The Chapmans have made adoption advocacy a huge part of their life. Of course it bears mentioning. I'm thinking you must have the patience of a saint to put up with people getting offended by every post you make. Still praying for you and your girls. Best wishes as you move into this new stage of life.

leslie ruth said...

I appreciate your sensitivity, but I'm not sure that an apology was necessary. After all, Steven Curtis Chapman's official website says in their statement, "Maria is one of the close knit family’s six children and one of their three adopted daughters." I think they would be more than happy with what you wrote, it only serves to expand their ministry and their desire to bring adoption to the forefront. Blessings to you and your girls!

Sarah said...

Loved the part about how we're only offended because we choose to be. How true is that?! That hit home and I'll definitely think twice before I let something offend me.

Thanks.

Lona said...

Nate, don't let the "Negative Nancys" get you down. Keep telling your story the best you can. If a select few don't like it, they can just read someone else's blog. Also, please don't feel the need to apogize to the vast majority of your readers when you get discouraging feedback. If you don't acknowledge it, you take away its power.

amy smith said...

amen nate. keep praying for jody and her family.... tomorrow morning they should know....

poofergirlsperspective said...

Nate,

People really should be nicer to you! :) I just wanted you to know that I think that you are great. You can't please 'em all I guess.

Teresa said...

The things people get offended at. Hello...this is YOUR blog. You get to write/post what you want. You have never written anything offensive that I've seen, and I can't believe people would get upset over the mention of adoption. By using the word "adoption" it doesn't mean that they are any less a member of their family. It simply explains with one word that there is a pretty special story behind the arrival of that child. I also can't believe that people would say anything negative about the photo only posts. Those are some of my favorites!

Shari said...

Kudos to you Nate for the way you worded this post. It was wonderful and to the point. We, ourselves are considering adoption simply because our kids want more siblings and I can't have any more children. I can't wait for the day that the Lord allows us to bring an adopted miracle home.

Pep said...

My DH and I are adoptive parents in waiting (4+ years). I was not offended AT ALL by what you wrote. Adoption is a beautiful gift from God - how can anyone deny a blessing so wonderful? I can't wait to shout it from the rooftops when we bring our long awaited adopted baby home forever!!!! The Chapman Family has been so inspiring! My heart goes out to them for this tragic, tragic loss.

TheHappyNeills said...

We are adopting. The term "adopted" should not be offensive at all. When I think of Maria being adopted, I think of how SPECIAL the process is to a parent, how unique and special she must be to them...there's nothing like it! Just like there's nothing like having a bio child either. Both special and unique, neither better or more legit than the other. Both absolutely beautiful. I'm perplexed as to why someone--an adoptive parent nonetheless--would be offended by adding that.

We have two "biological" children, and will have 2 or more "adopted" children someday. It's a fact of how they came to be in our family! Nothing bad about either label. My mommy-heart swells with fondness thinking of both processes to bring them into our lives.

Paige said...

Good grief! I can't believe people actually get offended by anything you say. Going as far as to write or get angry is their problem, not yours. You keep doing what you're doing, Nate. Your story and changing lives.

Hurting with the Chapman family tonight.

Christy said...

The Chapmans refer to their daughters as their adopted daughters so I am not sure why someone would make such a big deal on your use of the word. I am adopted and darn proud of it! Just because I call myself adopted doesn't make me less of a child to my adopted mother and father! I had no idea Tricia was adopted! So cool!!

mel said...

I Cannot, along with so many others, understand why someone would be offend by your post! I'm glad you posted about the Chapman family. It was the way I found out about this tragedy and I said a prayer right than and there for them. I'm guessing so many other people did the same thing! Like another reader said, "if you don't like what's being said on this Man's blog, don't read it!" Well said indeed. Melissa

antonia said...

Man, Nathan I am so sorry that there are people who keep picking holes in every tiny thing you say, always trying to interpret everything in the worst possible way. How petty.
It must be so exhausting to have to deal with on a daily basis. I would also find it very demoralising.

I love your blog, I have never once been offended by ANYTHING you've written. Thank you for sharing your words and photos and story with us.

StephG said...

I think your post about the Chapman family was heartfelt & very tasteful! There was nothing offensive about it. Just you asking for prayer for another brother/sister in Christ. Sometimes people are too easily offended and that is very sad! Don't change anything about how you are posting. I enjoy the "word" blogs as well as the "picture" blogs...besides, it's YOUR blog and if people don't like what you say then they don't have to visit anymore! This will be your families memory book in the future, no one else's. Keep doing what you're doing. You've reached more people with this blog & I believe God is please with how you've presented the gospel!
I'm so happy your family is together...finally! So happy for all of you...

Rachael said...

Really sorry Nate that you have had to post this. It's a strange world that we live in and one that is getting stranger. I love reading your blog each day and have never been offended - just happy to check back for updates on how you are all getting on.

Love to you all,
Rachaelx

Jen, Dave and Leah said...

We also were blessed with our son through adoption. No offense taken at all. Thank you for discussing adoption on your blog. Our thoughts and prayers are with the Chapman family.

Destini said...

I guess I am just insensitive in the fact I saw nothing to be sensitive about! I think bringing in the adoption part of the story even amplifies the tragedy here. While losing a child is horrific no matter the circumstances, foreign adoption is not without huge hurdles to overcome.

Taken in the spirit in which you meant it, I am praying for the Chapman family, and especially for the son driving the suv. My heart breaks for them.

Christina said...

Ok, I am a first time commenter but a long time blog reader. I have sat back and watched God's miracles unfold. I must say that I appreciate you sharing your lives with us. I often talk of the miracles God performed in your lives.
It really disheartens me that anyone would post anything negative about anything you say. The way I feel is that if they are offended by something you say then they need not read it. This is your blog and it is yours to do and say as you feel. I know you did not mean anything by (adopted) and I am speaking in general about all the negative comments you have received throughout.
Thank you for sharing, I guarantee that you are touching more lives than those people with negative attitudes ever will. God bless you and praying for you and your precious girls.

TORI said...

I am so sorry people took offense to what you said. However, I would like to offer the thought of:

Whether or not Tricia was adopted does not matter in regards to the two of you being together. Love and fate finds a way. What God joins together let no man put asunder. I'm sorry, but you two were meant to be. It would happen regardless of either of your birth situation. Everything always works out. My life is living proof of that.

Your blog is a true testament to faith and fate. :-)

kidsworld said...

Thanks be to God for Nate!

Meredith said...

Apparently I must have made a comment last evening that offended you in some way. I am merely on your side and have been praying for your family for months. I am sorry if what I said in taking your side offended you. I was reading others comments and noticed mine was deleted. I am sorry once again and wish your family the best.

Julie said...

People can be overly sensitive sometimes, that's for sure. I guess one way to look at it is that we don't know the "why" behind the sensitivity. Perhaps there is a good(?) reason for it? Maybe to some people saying a child is adopted sounds like they aren't "really" a part of the family? I know some people say that about "step-" parents, siblings, whatever.

However a person came into a family, they're generally there because they were wanted, and adoption is probably the biggest indicator that you can get!

Some day I hope to add to our family (which includes both step & half siblings) through adoption or foster care.

sara said...

Nate and Tricia,
I know it must be difficult sometimes to open up your whole lives and post them in this blog for the whole world to see. Unfortunately there are some people out there that will be offended no matter what you say. Just know that your blog has been a great place for so many people to learn about organ donation and micro preemies and just living and loving God. You have nothing to apologize for and I know that adoption is very close to your heart. Just remember that there are a whole lot more of us that are fully supportive of you and your posts. Your dad's comment was right on. Take care and have a great holiday weekend.

Livin' Life said...

You are an amazing family, please be encouraged and not discouraged. You are responsible for what you say but not responsible for how people take those words. They are only interpruting them through their own pain.You write with a great heart. These posts and pictures are your family's journal. It is really as simple as if you don't agree don't read. bless you guys

Momto4 said...

I am sorry people are so easily offended *Sigh* You have an Amazing Family & You all are an inspiational :o) Thank You for sharing your life with us <3 Please Continue to write & Don't let a few people who decide to turn your words around Stand in the way *Hugs* Your Blog is Great :o) Your Girls are Gorgeous :D

Erica Shier said...

On Steven Curtis Chapman's site, Maria is identified in their post about her death as "one of their three adopted daughters". Seriously, if that is how they choose to identify their precious daughter, no one else has any business being offended. If someone chooses not to identify their own child that way, that is certainly their choice. However, the Chapmans are obviously passionate about adoption and proud of the way she became part of their family.

Tracie said...

Can't think of a whole lot to add that hasn't been said by others.
As an adoptive family and as an adoption consultant who works with families who wish to adopt, I celebrate the word!

Our family's first adoption was just last year, and it has brought nothing but joy to our lives. Elia's adoption will never be a secret but will be celebrated in our home!

Julie said...

Oh for heaven's sake. Some people just need to lighten up. That's ridiculous.

Lesley said...

Nate,
I hope you never get to the point that you stop blogging b/c a few people have to find fault with anything you say. I found nothing wrong and was not offended by your post. In fact I cannot figure out what would be offensive to anyone. We adopted our last daughter and she is a joy and a blessing from the Lord. So what if she's adopted...she's ours, the Lord gave her to us, just as He gave us our two biological children...no difference except in the delivery method! (And I was able to be there for all three deliveries and the last one was so much easier for me!)
You are a blessing to so many people so just keep on blogging!
Blessings,
Lesley

sebrown1126 said...

We adopted a little girl from Russia in 2007, a little over a year after the death of our son. We also have two other biological children.

I am fairly involved in the online adoption community. And for whatever reason, there are a decent amount of adoptive parents that are offended at things I find inconsequential.

People are naturally intrigued about adopted children. I remember being intrigued about your in-law's family, and how amazing I thought Agnes and Don were for adopting and fostering many children (I am a college friend of your SIL Janet).

I'm sure that I asked questions of your SIL about her family that were weird, just as I get lots of questions about our daughter's birthmom, the love for a bio child vs. adopted (no different with us), if she will have a Russian accent, and the list could go on and on.

I'm personally offended at the adopted parents who are so offended with these questions. The vast majority are people that ask the questions just don't know, but want to understand. What's so difficult about answering a few questions without getting all miffed? What a great opportunity for us to share the amazing gift that adoption can be to a family!!

No matter what you do, some people are going to be hypersensitive. And there's a certain population of adoptive parents that seem to find just about every question about their child offensive.

So happy to see your family home with you!! Happy Memorial Day!

Sara

chopstix said...

well said nate. i'm sorry that you've had to adopt thick skin in writing this blog. blessings to you and your family and for your compassion for others.
i'll be praying for the people who have lost the art of letting things roll off their backs and the first addage our mothers teach us. . . if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
my heart is breaking for the scc family. . . and for thier son. we need to be lifting that tender-hearted young man like no other!!
i wonder if these same people have contacted almost every major news media outlet everytime they've referred to tom cruise & nicole kidman's "adopted" children. . . whether it was relevant to the story or not. the media NEVER fails to mention it when they speak of tom & nicole.
(general eye roll)

a_weak_rose said...

aw Nate. . . once again you had to clarify huh? That stinks! :-( You did it well though! :-)
Blessings to all of you today!

Shannon said...

Nate,

Good grief is about all I have to say. I have an "adopted" daughter. She is adopted, and it is not possible for a child to be loved and wanted any more than she is. I was not offended. Like I said, good grief. Thanks for using the blog to help remind people to pray for the Chapmans. And, like you pointed out, you have made it no secret that the love of your life is adopted...somebody is offended by most everything. Thanks for putting your story out there. You have reached many non-believers, and that is huge.

Blessings,
Shannon in Germany

Kat said...

I am sorry that you have come across the dark underbelly of people on the internet who seem to be constantly searching for someone or something to take offence at. Your blog is one of the most delicately and beautifully written blogs I have come across and I always enjoy reading your opinion, whether or not I agree with it.
Kat

p.s. I also can't resist those pictures of tricia and gywneth. Very very beautiful. What kind of DSL do you have?

Pam said...

I feel angry on your behalf, Nate. The discouragers are probably repeat offenders. Why don't they just go away? If I read a blog that is offensive to me, I move on and don't go back. What's so hard about that? Why do people always feel they need to voice their opinions?
As if you don't already have enough on your plate, people (strangers!) also expect you to coddle them. Argh. Nuckleheads.
I, personally, have been blessed beyond words by your blog. Keep doing what you're doing for God's glory!
Florida Hugs to you,
Pam

ermaloff said...

Nate, I might be the 1000th person to say this, but I feel compelled -

Keep telling your story. You are well spoken and incredibly diplomatic, and despite everything you're bound to offend someone at some time. Thank goodness we're not a totally homogenized society, right?

danielle

mapsgirl said...

Um...last time I checked this is a personal blog. A blog that you write about your thoughts, feelings and experiences. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and they should not take offence when your oppinion differs from theirs.

I say that if they don't like it, don't read it.

Or as the rule goes, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

The love that you have for your family, friends and God shines above all else. Keep up the great work, Nate!

MyGirlElena said...

My precious daughter came to me through adoption and I took no offense to how you worded your previous post. I understand both sides of the argument though, but the point is that the Chapman family is deeply hurting right now. I can imagine there is nothing worse than losing a child and they are the ones we need to concentrate on and keep in our prayers (especially the brother involved in the accident).
Thanks for informing us of this tragic news. It helped get the word out in the adoptive community and I'm sure that family was immediatley lifted in prayer by many.

Julie said...

AMEN!

We are in the middle of an adoption, and I couldn't agree with you more!

dhuntman said...

THANK YOU NATHAN, for all that you share and ALL that you write. May GOD continue to bless you and your PRECIOUS GIRLS!!!

The Gurnee's said...

If you go to their website (https://secure2.convio.net/ccsh/site/Donation2?idb=1864215518&df_id=1560&1560.donation=form1&JServSessionIdr007=uitanzvsk4.app2b) you will read: "Maria Sue Chapman, adopted and youngest daughter to Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman, was killed Wednesday night in a tragic accident in the family driveway."

They, themselves - or whomever their spokesperson is - clearly added the "adopted" part. So, Nate, don't worry about it.

Shaking my head in PA,
Julie

Lynsey said...

I truly think that some people just live very sad lives, and have this constant need to try and make others feel just as sad, if not sadder. I find it so......sad!
Pray for them- it's those who need it most. Oh, and continue to delete and ignore their comments of course. Who needs that kind of negativity when you've got your girls home?

SaraAugy said...

Nate,

You worded that so well! I'm adopted and it's something I'm very proud of and it's a part of my histor that I like to share. I wish all of you well and you're family is such an inspiration!

Sara

Bird On A Wire said...

Nate, just about it all. Thank God, for families who adopt and love. As a child of adoption, I cannot praise the fact enough. Secondly, as a blogger who constantly gets hate mail, and comments that are less than gracious, I say to heck with em. Sometimes I even print em out and burn em. I've developed a thick skin about critique from the blogosphere. Not to say you should or ought to do the same, but its just not all that important in the grand scheme of things. Praise God for all his gifts and blow the rest off if you can...you know what I'm sayin...Thanks,you're priceless!
Deb

walkingbyfaith said...

I don't think there was anything wrong with saying Maria was adopted. It wasn't out of disrespect to Maria or to the Chapman family. [[and it's all over the news too, you weren't the only one who said she was adopted.]] The Chapmans, as you know, have four daughters. If the reports had said, "Daughter of Christian singer SCC killed in tragic accident" no one would've known who it was. When I heard "youngest adopted daughter" I knew who it was.

Being classified as adopted shouldn't have such a negative connotation for so many people. I don't think it's ever meant in an unkind way. Being adopted = being loved.

Shelly said...

Nathan,

I am a mama to a beautiful son from Guatemala. I was not offended by your post regarding the Chapman family. The Chapmans have done so much for the adoption community and I think it is important to recognize that, which you did in your post.

Shelly

Melissa C. said...

1st time comment. I read your blog daily and love it. I think these people who are offended spend their lives looking for things to be offended by and are just miserable people in life. Congrats on the beautiful baby. Keep on posting. I will keep on reading.

Zac and Jenny said...

As a BIRTHMOTHER, I am not at all offended by your post. I've found that people can be offended by anything. Many people in the "adoption world" are offended that I call myself a birthmother... they want me to call myself a firstmother. My feeling is "I am what I am".

THank you for using your blog to educate people about adoption. Adoption can be wonderful for ALL parties involved... including the birthmother.

You can read my story as a BIRTHMOTHER at:

http://therandolphfamilyblog.blogspot.com/2008/05/our-adoption-story-happy-17th-birthday.html

-Jenny

jill said...

I haven't had time to read the comments, but wanted to point out that on Steven Curtis Chapman's own website, his three youngest children are referred to as "adopted". I am from Franklin, TN and everyone who knows Steve and Mary Beth knows that international adoption is their heart and their passion. It is a beautiful word, full of love and purpose...people may have babies accidentally, but nobody adopts accidentally. I cannot, in my wildest imagination, conceive of how anything you wrote could possibly cause offense.

Beth said...

Gosh, I'm glad I am not the only one sitting out here in AMAZEMENT. You have such a way with words and telling your story that just captivates many people and it shows by how many still come back. Keep up your good work and the fabulous updates...words or not, they are beautiful.

God Bless!

Sara said...

Well put. This is your blog, your thoughts. If people do not like it, they shouldn't continue reading it. However, it does show that you do get people thinking, whether it's in the way that you hope or not.

arisa-sohma said...

Adoption is such a blessing and the Chapman family has been very open about it and gives wonderful assistance to those in the process of adopting. I have have wonderful nieces and nephews that are adopted and at least one of them was helped with a grant from the Chapman family. I think you do a great job trying to write things in a positive way. (Three certanties in life: death, taxes, and your words being used against you. ^^)

friedrichfamily said...

Nate, I appreciate your comment about the Chapman family. Our daughter is adopted from Vietnam, and we were surprised (yet BLESSED) with the birth of our biological son in January. Our daughter is clearly adopted, as neither my husband nor I are Vietnamese. The term adopted is important. I just did a big post on my blog for mother's day about our adopted daughter. I say adopted not because people can't figure it out by looking at her, but because I am acknowledging the MANY people that helped bring her into our family. God obviously had the ultimate role, but it took a birth mother and birth father to physically give her life, the women in the orphanage to care for her, the many people at our adoption agency to bring her home, etc. I am NOT saying I love my daughter more than my son - I love both my children fiercely. However, in my personal experience, not near as many people were involved in bringing my son home. I think by using the term "adopted" I want people to know that she was very intentionally brought to our family, and I want people to respect the many people who made that possible. People get upset because they choose what sets them off. I didn't see anything disrespectful or that you were in any way indicating an adopted child is not a part of the family.

Lori said...

I think you should just start ignoring the negative comments people leave. 99% of us knew what your intentions were and didn't even blink twice at it. You are a good person and mean well, and I for one think you shouldn't have to backtrack and explain yourself for hurting anyone's feelings. This is your blog. Your thoughts. Your intentions. Your story, and for those of us who love you for sharing - you don't have to make any excuses. Ignore the negative-nellies. :) Happy Friday!

RoseAnn said...

Adoption is a beautiful word! My son is adopted and I am not ashamed to tell people that. Your child is your child whether adopted or bio. I am blond very fair and my son has black hair and dark skin it is obvious he is adopted so I get my share of stares but i don't care. It is what it is. And I love my child just as much as any of my bios! he is a blessing! Adoption is a Gift and it should not be looked upon as a negative.........
I think your post was beautiful. I hear of people in the adoption world that get so offended by the word adoption or if someone asks them why their child looks different from them etc. People are just curious they aren't being ugly. Just the other day someone asked me where my sons mommy was and I just said "Your looking at her"! I wasn't offended at all. I could understand her curiousity. Its no big deal........
My heart aches for the Chapmans!

TearDropRose said...

Nate I am offended that you thought you offended me lol. Sorry that you get so much greif from people. Please don't ever let them get to you. I love reading your blog about your beautiful girls and you.

UKNat said...

"Maria Sue Chapman, adopted and youngest daughter to Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman..." This is from the link that you gave. If SCC's mananger thought it was appropriate to call her their adopted child, I believe it is okay for you to refer to her as their adopted daughter.

Praying for the Chapmans, especially their teenage son.

Ginger said...

I am an adopted "child." I was not offended by your post in the least and have been praying with a broken heart for the Chapman family.

You cannot please everyone and it continues to amaze me that people would post ugly comments on a blog THAT IS NOT THEIRS. :::sigh::: If they disagree with you, then they should consider not reading. Duh!

I think adoption is a wonderful thing. My husband and I planned to adopt from China before I discovered I was pregnant with my first child. My Mama always told me adopted children were loved twice as much. :^) And Mama's are always right, you know.

sara said...

Amen, Nate!!

Melissa said...

First time commenter, here (I think - haha). I've been following your story for quite while, but I never really feel like I have much to add to your 100+ comments. :) Anyway, I haven't read each comment under this post - but I did skim over one that said that she gets offended by other adoptive parents who are so sensitive about being PC. As an adoptive parent to the most precious boy (from Russia) in the world...I agree with that commenter. I get so frustrated with people who tend to be SO sensitive. I am just thankful that adoption is one of those things that 'CAN' be talked about now, as opposed to 50 years ago, when there was a shameful stigma attached to it. The only time I ever wear my feelings on my sleeve is when people intimate that adoption is a "second choice" or a "last resort."

Rambling, here, sorry...

All that said, you're right. The only way to NOT offend anyone is to have never begun your blog in the first place. But all the good that has come from it WAY outweighs the offenses that people allow to come from it.

So keep on keepin' on. You have an amazing story & an amazing family.

God Bless.

turtlemama said...

It seems as though some people just can't be satisfied without scrutinizing others words to the "n"th degree and finding some way that they could offend someone, somewhere, and sometime. This is what makes politics such a turnoff for so many.

I applaud the way that you and your family have brought so many less talked about issues to light such as transplantation, adoption, chronic illness etc. with profound thoughtfulness, clarity, and passion.

Keep pressing on!

Sarah

Susanna... said...

hey nate...you're so sweet to even apologize!

We have two new girls in our family as you know, and I wasn't offended at all...even in all the news headlines it was written that way and that's how i posted it on my blog. And how frustrating that people would bring something like that up at a time when people are mourning!! lets be sensitive people and be thankful to Nate that he felt moved to share this so that we would pray!

susanna

ann said...

found this quote and LOVE it- don't know who it's by (sure someone out there knows!)
'we witness a miracle each time a child enters into life. but those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them, are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands.'
-ann (mom of 3 boys and one adopted chinese daughter)

Twinkletoes said...

I am so sorry you had to explain. No matter how hard people try - we can never, ever make EVERYONE happy. It is only my opinion, but to me - if you are offended by something someone writes on a blog - then just stop reading - but there is no reason to force your negativity (commenters) on others. I guess it's back to the old theory that misery loves company. Again - I am sorry any ONE person even questioned you...let alone more than one.

Muriel and Jerry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Slade said...

oh goodness, really people!!! Seriously! Nate, I don't understand why so many people get all up in a tizzy about your posts. For goodness sakes, anyone who has been an avid reader of your blog KNOWS that your intentions are pure and good. Are they offended when you say, "my wife who has CF" "my daughter, a premie" "Chapman's daughter, adopted" You are obviously pointing these details out for a specific reason, which is to spread awareness...anyone who is offended by that is jumping the gun and not thinking before they type. Thank you so much for bringing awareness to a lot of important issues!

Cassie said...

I know you are a sensitive guy, but you are NOT going to make everyone happy. You just aren't! I would stop trying and just keep doing what you are doing. Stand up for what you believe in and quit worrying about offending someone. You have made such a HUGE difference in the lives of so many. Be proud of what you believe in and make no apologies. Some people just need to get a life.

Steph said...

Wonderful post. The press release even stated that Maria was the "adopted daughter" of Steven and Mary Beth.

Lorren said...

Nate, I appreciated this post. We are in the process of adopting a son through the state. This was a wonderful reminder of why we are adopting. Thank you!

Leanna Willis said...

I AM adopted & am feel very blessed to say "I am an adopted child..."

Adopted children are CHOSEN children.

I am sorry that anyone would get offended by the phrase "adopted child".

candidchatter said...

Don't let the ignorant minority ruin the praises and love sent your way by the vast majority.

We love you and your family Nate. You have touched our lives just by living (and journaling about) your own.

God Bless You All!

Heidi Reed

Catherine said...

Thank you Nate! Beautiful post. I have 2 adopted brothers who are a huge blessing and I'm THRILLED BEYOND WORDS to be waiting for my precious daughter to come home from China. God placed her in my heart 3 1/2 years ago and I believe it will be another year or so before He places her in my arms. Can't wait!!!

April said...

wow, some people have too much time on thier hands! sigh, I'm sure we all realize an adopted child is someone's "real" child. just because someone is not a birth parent doesn't make them any less of a parent! My stepdad raised me and never adopted me but he'll always be my Dad!

cuteinnocence said...

I can't understand how anyone would've been offended by pointing out that she was adopted. They are HUGELY for spreading the word of how wonderful adoption is and what a blessing it is both for the adopting family (as well as extended family) and the adoptees. I have adoptive extended family as well as an old college friend who was adopted. It is something so wonderful that it shouldn't be "taboo." Family friends from my old church had 2 adopted daughters (they couldn't get pregnant on their own) and they were sure to tell them they were specially chosen since they were tiny. Some kids grow up wondering if their parents would've picked them if they had the choice - these kids KNOW they were specially chosen. No questions about it. What a wonderful way to go through life knowing YOU were wanted! :)
I think you do a great job and I pray that you will continue to keep a great attitude as you do despite some people being so critical. Makes me long for when the world will be right with God once again.
God bless you - still praying for you always.
~Kim in Ohio

diaduit said...

As an adopted person myself, I couldn't have said it any better. Thank you for your post.

Q's NEWS said...

I would just like to say that nothing you have ever posted has offended me in any way, and even if it had I am sure I would have kept it to myself.

I can't think of any reason anyone should be offended by what you write that comes straight from your thoughts and feelings and is, after all, your blog.

Just wanted you to know that!

Love from WV,
Susan

Shari said...

You go Nate!!

Some folks are waaaayy too sensitive. It is obvious you would never intentionally offend anyone, but some folks just need to try and find things. As the mother of an adopted granddaughter from a different country, I am NOT in the least offended, nor are her parents!!

Blessings,
shari

Tara said...

Thank you so much for posting this. The Chapman family has been a huge influence in my and my husband's life. There love and openness on adoption has had an amazing impact not only on us but thousands of other couples. Their organization is so amazing in helping families complete the dream of adoption.
We have adopted our two son......adoption is a part of their story that not only reflects how much love God had for them, or their birth family had for them or us in trusting God to fulfill our dream of being parents. Adoptions are always beautiful love stories.
I wish people would stop getting their feelings hurt so easy. People!!!! You need to go to God with these concerns and leave Nate alone! He has enough on his plate....he doesn't need to baby sit you too!
I for one (along with many others) am not offended. Thank you so much for bringing the Chapman and adoption story to your blog.
God bless you and your family!

ehardwick07 said...

Normally, I just pop in on a regular basis, read the blog and talk about it with my sister-in-law and wonderful friend who also reads this blog on a regular basis. I think I've only made two comments thus far but, I just had to chime in here.

I am absolutely stunned and baffled that:

a) people would take offense to the use of the word 'adopted' in your post. What's so offensive about it when it's such an enormous part of the Chapmans live? (I was so pleased and touched to see that you posted asking for prayer for the Chapmans. They definitely need it right now more than ever.)

b) anyone would find pictures only posts offensive. I know I'm not the only one who enjoys seeing the pictures. It's a precious glimpse into your lives which none of us will fully be able to understand.

I agree with Brenda!!!! If you don't like it, don't read the blog!!

Ok, now I am stepping off of my soapbox. Ever read Aesop's fable "The Man, The Boy and The Donkey"? I think it sums it up quite nicely. :)

May God continue to richly bless you, Tricia and Gwyneth.

La Familia Garcia said...

How interresting. I've always had this same belief of adoption and I love the way you put it. I always see it as such an empowering thing! I also wanted to say, I've heard The Chapmans themselves- at least Steven refer to her as "the youngest of their adopted daughters from China." It's part of her identity as "a Chapman." Anyway, I'm very surprised that people didn't like you using that.

As the Chapmans, and others like yourself have realized, being open about your story and where God has brought are testimonies that God uses to bring others to himself.

stephanie garcia said...

"In my humble opinion, adoption is one of the most beautiful acts of love that we as humans can show to anyone."

As a mom to three beautiful blessings through adoption (and awaiting our two baby boys in Haiti), I have to say *amen* to your words above! GOD bless!

JUST A MOM said...

ok Nate I only have this to say about this post,,,,,,,,,



YOU BLOG FOR YOU NOT ANYONE ELSE... that way IF some one seems to get offended then it is their own fault... I never blog or change MY way of thinking or what..how...when...why I blog... Hang in there and just blow them off there will always be some one who does not like the dinner you cool oh wait that is ME ok fine... hang tight and thank you for sharing,,,, a sharing is NOT with any expectations.....

Karis said...

Well put. I watched SCC's video "When Love Takes you In" on YouTube today... a powerful song with amazing words and images that speak to Christ's love, and the gift of adoption.

Lauren said...

I am astounded that ANYONE would be offended reading your blog. I don't always agree with everything you write, but nothing has been offensible to me. This is a story of your life, and true "confessions" of what you think, as most blogs are. Again, THANK you for sharing all you do. I've actually used your blog style as a model at times for my own--specifically how you use photos. Many people can relate to many aspects of your life and I love that.