Unfortunately, it's apparent to me that I need to clarify something I said in my Last Post (the one about the Chapman family). But, I've been meaning to write a few things about adoption, so this gives me a good excuse.
A few people have commented and emailed me about my use of the word "adopted" to identify the Chapman's youngest daughter, apparently having been, at least, slightly offended by my choice of words.
Firstly, I meant no offense. I doubt that anyone believes I purposely meant to offend, but just in case...
As most of you already know, Tricia is adopted. I also have several other family members and many, many friends who are adopted/adoptees/adopting. In fact, we were seriously considering adoption before Gwyneth came along, and may still consider it in the future. Tricia (and her family) are very open about the adoption of three of their six children...in fact, Tricia's adoption is a HUGE part of her story and our story.
In my humble opinion, adoption is one of the most beautiful acts of love that we as humans can show to anyone. It is, perhaps, the most incredibly tangible reflection of the love of God we can witness on this earth (as He has chosen to "adopt" us into His kingdom), and I know that Tricia and so many others use their stories of adoption to show the story of God to others, just as the Chapman family has done. Even if you don't believe in God, it is always an incredible gift of love and life. I respect that some choose to keep adoption a secret (when it is possible), but I don’t understand it, especially in light of the incredible miracle that it truly is.
I also recognize that there are a lot of adoptive families who read my blog every day. My hope is, by recognizing that Maria is adopted, even those who aren't familiar with the Chapman family will take the time to stop and pray/think about them. I also pray that those who have never given adoption much thought might see this story and consider the miracle that it is.
Perhaps, with posting the picture of the Chapman family (which I added to the post later), it was unnecessary to specifically spell it out, but I consider it an important part of their lives, and an important reason to pray for them now. I can only imagine that the loss of any child is too difficult for words.
I find it discouraging that people are so easily offended (several other people left comments like your email under that post) when my post was meant to do nothing more than ask that you remember the Chapman family. I am not hurt or offended, but, I also continue to find it amazing that every single one of my posts has the potential make somebody feel offended...I've even had a few angry comments/emails about my pictures-only posts... The only way for me not to offend anyone on this blog to have never started it in the first place, which of course, is not something I'm sorry for.
I’ll be the first to stand in line and say that I’m offended by things that weren't meant to be offensive, and I’m attempting to be more consistent in making the choice to not be offended (because, most of the time, we're only offended because we choose to be).
Again, I meant no offense, and I took lengths to make sure that I posted about the Chapmans with sensitivity. I am sorry that a few of you were offended by my words, or least felt enough emotion to tell me about it. I hope you’ll understand my position and motives, and that you’ll consider thinking the best of me next time you’re tempted to be offended by something I write.
To all those adoptive families who read my blog, thank you so much. Without adoption, neither Tricia nor Gwyneth would be in my life right now.
Thanks!
Nate
174 comments:
WOW Nate, that was a wonderful way to put that... I am just sorry you had to do it at all. I have 5 'adoption blessings' and I was not offended at all... I love for people to know how we choose to serve God and also hope the faces of my children might even speak to just one other heart about adopting. The Chapmans are so deserving of our prayers today of course, but even today... I know they would want to shout to the world that their precious daughter came to them through Gods' plan of adoption! Adoption is a wonderful word indeed! Thanks for your post on this. I know the world is praying for them now!
Elizabeth
Good gracious. Get over it people! Try to walk in someone else's shoes for a change. If you don't like what's being said on THIS MAN"S blog, don't read it!
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace 8that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ,to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.
We are all adopted. I thank God for adopting me. Your tribute was beautiful and caused me to cry again as I think about their loss.
Nate, you have never offended me and I've read your blog every day since Tricia was admitted in the hospital. Thank you for caring so much about others. It's what draws us to your special family. Karen
Well said!!
my goodness. It seems you can't say ANYTHING these days without offending someone, doesn't it?? I saw nothing to offend anyone. But then I seldom do....
Between being PC about the things I am aware of, and not knowing what may bother someone else, all I (or you) can do is the best we can!!
Try not to let it get to you, ok? This blog has been such a blessing for me and countless others. Thank you.. I've been praying for the Chapman family. So heartbreaking.
God Bless you all
Jamie in Texas
As usual, well said! I do not have adopted children, nor do I have family members/close friends who are adopted/adopting, etc. However, I have always seen adoption as a tremendous and fantastic act of love and am secretly (not so secretly now, I guess) praying that God may open my husband's heart and our home to adoption.
First time poster, long time reader, adoptive MOM...Your SCC post was just fine not offensive. You were simply relating information in a way that anyone who may not know of the family could get the facts. Just as sure you probably don't introduce Tricia, as your wife who was adopted, we do not introduce our daughter as our adopted daughter BUT what you said here in honor of this little girl and her family was just a loving tribute.
I am often quite amazed at the things that people will let "offend" them. Nate, you have hit the nail on the head about adoption. Adoption is NOT a bad word...quite the contrary. There are many people who have children simply because they get pregnant by accident. But people who adopt CHOOSE to have a child and love that child. They sacrifice money, time, and so much else just to be able to give a child love, a home, a future. I have 2 cousins who are both adopted from China. They are the light of my life and I can't imagine this world without them. My aunt has told me after she got her first that she actually regrets all the time fiddling with fertility treatments and in vitro. She has told me that she can't even imagine that she did not give birth to her girls, even though she didn't spend the first several months of their lives with them. Sorry for getting on a little soap box, but this one really hit home. Thank you so much for your post...you explained brilliantly.
I'm half adopted (my mother adopted me and my brothers when she married my bio dad.) I'm sorry that some people can't lighten up and not take themselves so seriously. There are more important things in life to spend our energy on other than whether a word offends us or not. Coincidentally, another favorite blog of mine just posted about calling a duck a duck. Nate - you rock and I admire your patience and sincerity.
Hi Nate,
Just wanted to let you know that I have been reading your blog for a while and have found it extremely inspiring and uplifting, but not one time offensive. I've never left a comment, until today. I am a huge Steven Curtis Chapman fan. I am also adopted. I will be dancing to "Cinderella" with my father at my upcoming wedding in July.
Anyway, thank you for everything you do for "us" and please don't change in efforts to please "us".
God Bless.
I've already emailed you, just to let you know that I'm here... reading your story (don't worry, I did get a response, and thank you). I haven't really felt lead to comment until now. As I'm sure you're finding the adoption community is HUGE in the 'blogging world.' Adoption is something that is close to my heart and I hope is someday a part of my family with my children. Regardless of the terminology used, it's all the same, it's still family.
Adoption is marvelous. When I adopted my son who is now two years old, I was so overcome with the magnitude of the miracle that I went overboard telling people even complete strangers our adoption story. I've learned to tone it down a bit but I still become overwhelmed with emotion when I think about it some times. The fact that there are so many childless people praying for a baby yet God chose me to be the recipient of this wonderful gift. I wish you cold meet my son so I can tell you all about him, lol. I don't understand how your post could have offended anyone.
Nate, your post made me think tonight because although I am never offended by reading the term adopted child, I have had trouble understanding it. I have children that were conceived with help from a fertility doctor and then I have children that were conceived without help. I always thought that it was odd that we didn't label them fertility kids verses natural so why would people label bio kids verses adoptive kids. I don't think I ever thought of it as singling the process out as a blessing. Perhaps I need to rethink my feelings about this. I love when my thoughts are challenged. Thanks again and many thoughts and prayers for the Chapmans.
It is unfortunate that people can't just read your blog and enjoy your wonderful stories and strength. I come here to get inspiration from your family. I think Tricia is amazing and you are such a great husband and father. Your daughter is so cute too. I'm sorry that there are some people who can't just read and keep their negative comments to themselves. Adoption is great and both sides of the situation shouldn't feel the need to keep it secret.
I again thank you for so openly and honestly sharing all that you do. If God ever blesses Casey and I with a child, it will be through the gift of adoption. Not that you need validation, but we whole-heartedly agree with what you have written and stand beside you. I think it is awesome that you are making so many people aware of the many ways we can share Christ's love. Many children live in need of loving, nurturing homes. Not enough people are aware of the blessing of adoption. And, you are right, you simply can't please everyone. It just isn't possible. That is something I am coming to terms with in my own life. The only One you have to please is God - and, well, you already know that too. I'm so glad you have the grace to know this and I pray for your continued strength and protection. May God continue to use your life to bless others. You have made us all so much more aware of so many important life issues. I feel immensely humbled and blessed.
sometimes, does it not just feel like whatever you say, it will strike a cord with someone? You are great, some folks just need to chill out!
I felt that your post about the Chapman family came across very sensitive and caring. I truly don't understand how it could have been taken offensively.
I agree that adoption is a very beautiful act of love. I have considered adopting and still hope to in the future. We thank the Lord for blessing us with our girls. Children are a Gift from the Lord....No matter how they come to us. :)
Blessings!
Amy in Oregon
Hi Just wanted to comment that I found nothing offensive in your post. Three of my 4 children were adopted from the foster care system. I love to tell people our story and am often surprised by the number of people who respond by I have always wanted to do that but never knew what to do. I can then usually answer a few questions for them and maybe they will go on and help a child or two. I don't find it offensive at all that she was referred to as his adoptive child. His website celebrates how his children came to him. He was so touched by adoption he started his own organization to help families adopt. I am completely saddened by their family's loss.
Hi Just wanted to comment that I found nothing offensive in your post. Three of my 4 children were adopted from the foster care system. I love to tell people our story and am often surprised by the number of people who respond by I have always wanted to do that but never knew what to do. I can then usually answer a few questions for them and maybe they will go on and help a child or two. I don't find it offensive at all that she was referred to as his adoptive child. His website celebrates how his children came to him. He was so touched by adoption he started his own organization to help families adopt. I am completely saddened by their family's loss.
oh.come.ON!!!! Seriously, you had people offended by what you wrote on the Chapman family?!?!? Does it feel like you're having to counter just about every post you write? I have never met you, Tricia, or your extended families before in my life...don't know anyone personally that know any of you, either...but for all of the posts that you have had to write that are trying to explain a previous post - are people not able to see your & Tricia's (and your families) hearts? Crazy. Just cah-razy. Adoption is such a blessing, and for someone to be offended what you wrote - perhaps that person (those people) are struggling right now with something relating to adoption...in some way. Maybe they just found out they were; maybe they don't want others to know; maybe they have had a bad experience...who knows. But I will pause and say a prayer...thanking God that adoption IS an option, and others will see it as the blessing that it is.
No offense taken and I have 2 wonderful adopted children from Guatemala! I wish people would get offended about things that were far more offensive than that particular word!! Praying for SCC....
Much love -
Bamagirl
Nate, I have an adopted son and he is MY gift from God. Don't let people rile you. Shake off the dust. =)
I'm a pre-adoptive mom and I was not offended at all. I loved the honor you paid to them and to their ministry in your life.
And I agree with these other posters - the family I'm sure would be thrilled with your post. It's been my impression of late that their passion for the orphans of the world was their most important mnistry after their own family.
I'm just anxious for my own little miracle to get here!!!!!
Unfortunately, I think no matter what you write, there is always a chance that someone, somewhere will be offended. Just like there are probably some comments that you receive that may offend you. Keep posting, Nate, Don't let these negative comments bother you! We love your blog!! Oh ,and I see Tricia is using a Boppie in that photo with Gwyneth! Love those!
Like many other commenters, my husband and I have adopted children. Only two hours ago, a friendly man doing a grocery store demo commented on how obvious it was that my four children are related to each other. I gleefully thanked him and then told him that our daughters are actually adopted from Costa Rica (the girls aren't bothered by sharing their story with others) and not biologically related to me or their brothers. He actually didn't believe me for a few seconds! I delight in sharing the news of our adoption with others in the hope that they may one day consider it for themselves or lend support to someone they know undergoing the process.
Nate: I loved the way you put your reply. People get offended over nothing. Life is too short to get upset over little things. If they don't like what you write, then they should stay off the site. Keeping blogging - your story increases my faith!!!
Unfortunately, people will find anything to be offended about.. to be honest, I am offended by people being so offended. LOL.
My prayers are with the Chapman family.. what a tragedy!!
What a blessing to have gifts of adoption! I have a wonderful friend who has been waiting what seems like forever for her adoption to finalize for her son from Ethipia. I am stunned at what someone would find offensive about adoption.
Another friend just completed two adoptions last year and the judge told them that with adoption there is no way for them to ever write their daughters out of their will. Not that they would EVER want that but it made me realize how secure we are in God's family!
Thank you for your posts, continue to post as they have touched me and others greatly!
Nate,
Beautiful post! I have three miracles--two are biological and one came to us through adoption. Your post about Maria wasn't offensive at all in my opinion. All day I heard on the radio that Maria was born in China and they are adoption advocates. SCC talks about the miracle of adoption all the time. I can't walk in the store with my son w/o it being obvious to all who can see that he was born in my heart, not under it.
Sorry you had to feel like you needed to defend your post, I thought it was just fine the way it was.
Jen in NY
Nate...As you know, we just completed our adoption of our daughter! When I read your "explanation" post, I couldn't believe it! It's your blog for crying out loud! Write what you want, and if people don't agree, you're not twisting their arms to continue reading! We tell folks our daughter is adopted...it's obvious as she is much more beautiful than her mother! You keep doing what you are doing! I can't follow the blog as closely as I do with a new baby in the house, but want you to know how happy I am for you and Tricia! I thank God regularly for the miracles I have witnessed in reading your blog! Cheri in Missouri
We have a son we adopted from China last August. Our hearts are just broken for the Chapman family. We will pray for them as the begin the healing process. Thanks for posting this information.
And as for the word adoptive in your post - there is nothing wrong with that. :)
Thank you for your wonderful words, I sometimes think that people tend to go looking for something to be offended by.
I've known that I was adopted since I started school and 35 years later, I don't pay much attention to the fact that I'm adopted. Other people do, though, and I have to say that I find it interesting how other people react to my adoption. Some of my own family and in-laws view me differently because I'm adopted. Adoption saved me from the foster care system. It gave me two wonderful parents and I'm quite proud to be a "chosen" child!
Thanks again,
Tracie
Thank you for your wonderful words, I sometimes think that people tend to go looking for something to be offended by.
I've known that I was adopted since I started school and 35 years later, I don't pay much attention to the fact that I'm adopted. Other people do, though, and I have to say that I find it interesting how other people react to my adoption. Some of my own family and in-laws view me differently because I'm adopted. Adoption saved me from the foster care system. It gave me two wonderful parents and I'm quite proud to be a "chosen" child!
Thanks again,
Tracie
Stay strong and carry on!
j
As always, I am blessed every time I read your blog. My own mother was adopted at age 5 with a correctable medical issue. She was blessed with Godly parents and grew to be a loving, caring adult.
We are waiting in line for our daughter from China, whom we'll be honored to share with the world as our adopted daughter. Obviously...she won't look like us! I believe with all my heart that the Lord planted the seed in my heart to go to China when I was just 14 years old. During the different seasons of my life...HE has shown me that that is the direction he intends for me to go. I am trusting HIM to sustain my husband and I for the remainder of our journey!
Blessing and Love from Illinois,
Michelle
Wow...people are offended way too easily! I am thrilled myself to be in the process of adopting a toddler daughter from Haiti, and I was not offended in the least by you including the word adopted. It is obvious that you were just asking for prayers for SCC's family, and why not include that their precious baby girl was adopted? I know they are HUGE supporters of orphans, and it just means that more people will be touched by adoption. Don't stress about it, Nate.
I'm finding that the older I get (now middle-aged), the less 'offended' I am about things. Just seems to be a kind of self-centered, pointless exercise to me. No offense. /-: You just can't please everyone. Lifting the Chapmans in prayer tonight. p.s. Amen to Brenda, commenter #2!
Don't let it bother you an iota.
"Adopted" is one of the most loving words in our vocabulary. People who are so easily offended by things like that simply are displaying their own insecurities.
Spectacular post! I agree with you that adoption is truly special for all parties involved-- the child, parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and more. Our family friends-- the father, who is my dad's best friend, and his wife adopted two. If they were not adopted, they wouldn't be where they are today and have what they need.
There are sooo many children, even older ones, in need of adoption because family is a critical unit... I think family is essential to life as one gets support and so much more from having a family.
My prayers go out to the Chapman family. I was sad to hear about that and cannot imagine how the son must be feeling. I pray and hope this won't traumatize him as well as the family and that this grief/guilt will resolve within time (gradually, of course) and be replaced with happy memories of the little girl.
Marissa
P.S. Don't dwell too much on people who feel offended and those who offend you... and it's clear that you don't and aim to focus on the positive (and you definitely don't even try to offend anybody!). I applaud you for that. It can be quite difficult for some people to do that. Again, thank you so much for sharing your stories on this marvelous blog and keep up the great work!
I have been reading your blog for a while now but have never commented. I do pray for you and your family daily! I find it very sad that someone has gotten offended over stating that someone is adopted. My husband and I have two beautiful adopted daughters. With out the precious gift of adoption we would not have any.I too find that it is a beautiful testimony of how gracious our God is. I am very proud of telling people we have adopted our girls! This is part of our family story! This is part of their story! Both of our girls will grow up knowing that this is how God knit our family together! I am so thankful to the selfless gift their birth mothers gave us! I pray for them and thank God for them daily! I am a PROUD MOTHER OF TWO ADOPTED GIRLS! ( 7years & 13 months)
Oh goodness. Well, I know you have learned that no matter what, someone somewhere will be offended or find fault. You always handle it with class and grace and this post is a perfect example of that. I thank you for sharing all that you have!
Nate, your response was very well put! As, was your original post. Maybe the people who were offended are not familiar with the adoption foundation that the Chapman family has founded. They are huge adoption advocates. Even in their own statement on their website, they say their adopted daughter. I am an advocate of adoption. I am blessed to have two miracle children of my own when I wasn't supposed to be able to carry them. I couldn't have more after them, but I am raising two of my fiancee's children, who people think are mine all the time. Sometimes we correct people, other times we don't. Often I tell people our story. We believe fully that they should know their history, but as a blended family, there are no step/half siblings. We're all one big happy family.
I continue to keep the Chapman's in my thoughts and prayers, as well as you're beautiful family.
Jodey
Ya know, when I read your post I chuckled. Cuz I agree with my fellow readers... silliness! I mean if you read something and are offended... don't read. That's my thought. But I also chuckled because a while back I was on my church's drama team. We did a drama where there were 5 of us... and we went on and on about "offenses" "This carpet is sooo offensive." "This music offends me." "The pastor's tie is offensive." "The wallpaper in the bathroom is offensive." And on and on we went... nitpicking and ranting over everything that offended us. Finally one of the last offenses was the "long walk in the parking lot because all those visitors are coming." And then finally, a visitor was listening in, and walked away saying that he wanted no part of this "Christian thing." Now, I know that not everyone reading is a Christian, but... Wow! It's your blog. A way to "let it out" and share with thousands of avid encouraged and encouraging readers who have adopted you into our families (Shoot! I said it.... Sorry folks!) But really. I think people need to give you a break. All right... that's my thought.
I felt your post about the Chapman family tragedy was done with grace and sensitivity. I too feel the adoption of children into their family is a huge part of their story and absolutely nothing offensive in stating the facts. Adoption is a beautiful picture of love and sacrifice, often by two families.
This is a very beautiful post, and thank you for sharing your feelings about adoption!
I am definitely not defending anyone who wrote anything nasty about your previous post. I found it to be very sensitively and well-written for such a difficult topic.
However, I will venture a guess here, since some may think that people are simply looking for a reason to be offended. People may not have been offended about adoption or the word "adopted" because it is a bad thing or a negatve word to use. It may have been, instead, the way in which the word was used. For me, "adopted" is a verb it is not an adjective. "Adopted" is not a descriptor of a person, it is the (wonderful) process by which some families have been built. I wouldn't chose the words, "my son is adopted", but I might say "my son was adopted" or "my son joined our family through adoption". It's a process that was completed to unit a person with their family, but it isn't what a person *is*. Some people are just more sensitive to the subtle messages and implications of using the word "adopted" as an adjective.
So, maybe, just maybe, that is what these people or some of them were thinking. However, let me just say for the record, that I was in no way offended by what your wrote. Even if someone did not like the word choice, it was (IMHO) in very poor taste to bring it up and deflect from the tragic topic of your post.
"Adoption" is not a bad word. It's the beautiful, amazing, miraculous word that made me a mommy. :)
OOooooh, that was SO well written it gave me the chills. And to think I didn't think twice about being "offended" when I read your post earlier about the Chapman family. Super great post here, Nate. Amen!
I am so sorry that you needed to write this post. i am adopted and have always known i am and i do not think there was anything offensive in your post AT ALL. my being adopted is one of the special and unique parts of my life (as EVERY life is special and unique) that i love to share because it is part of how God took care of me just like my children being biologically born to my hubby(adopted as well) and i is part of their story. Great reminder to seek to be difficult to offend. thank you for your graciousness.:) God is good and His fruit is evident in your life.:) continuing to pray...jen in al
Well, hey, it looks like God used a couple not-so-nice comments to get a beautiful discussion on adoption started. (Foiled again, Satan!!)
God is so stinkin' cool.
Hi Nate,
Just keep posting what you're posting. It brings such happiness and is such an inspiration to people.
It is such a shame that people choose to let certain things offend them. How sad that they can't focus on such a wonderful testament your story is.
Thank you for sharing your life with all of us. I know you put yourself out there everytime you post, and I simply want you to know, I for one appreciate your honesty and candor you share in your blog.
My best wishes to you and your beautiful girls. With love and prayers!
Well said. I am adopted and I think it is a beautiful and wonderful thing. Why keep something so great hidden? Adoption is a great picture of Christ and our adoption as believers into His family. God's grace.
Charis
I have heard this story on several "news stations" today. Each and EVERY one of the reporters said the same thing you did.
It is what it is.
You did not come out in vindictive-ness (is that is even a word). You were loving, supportive, informative, ect ect.
Thank you for your post and I'm sorry at the same time you had to "clarify" your thoughts.
:) (((HUGS))) to you and your beautiful girls!!
Well said. I am adopted and I think it is a beautiful and wonderful thing. Why keep something so great hidden? Adoption is a great picture of Christ and our adoption as believers into His family. God's grace.
Charis
Well said. I am adopted and I think it is a beautiful and wonderful thing. Why keep something so great hidden? Adoption is a great picture of Christ and our adoption as believers into His family. God's grace.
Charis
Beautifully written Nate, and I'm sorry anyone would take offense to using the term "adopted". We have two "biological" and one "adopted" son. They are all unique, and we love them all very much. Part of Toby being unique is that he is adopted. I took no offense, and anything you read from the Chapman family also says "adopted daughter".
God has given you a voice, Nate, and I think it is amazing that you continue to use it to honor Him!
You have nothing to apologize for. There was no offense. This is a great way to send prayer requests across the country and even further. They are in my prayers and thanks to you many more are praying.
Very sorry that once again you are having to defend yourself for your good intentions.
Hang in there!
Hey Nate,
Just wanted to drop a quick note to tell you to not be discouraged about the comments that some write to you. Unfortunately, in my own experience with blogs and my friends, there are certain people that only read blogs to pick them apart or find something to nag on or comment on. I know it's hard to brush these things off, but try to, I also know it's hard when you feel like your character is being questioned. I am adopted and have many around me who are adopted and adopting. Nothing you said in the post was offensive but instead maybe tapped into some insecurities of people going thru adoption or that are adopted.
Sidenote, I think my friend Debbie has been talking to you about when you went to Nyack, did you play soccer for Davie? Just saw him a few weeks ago.
Anyways, you are doing great on here! Love Tricia's new haircut too! Too cute.
I have one adopted child and one biological child. Although there are days that I "forget" that their backgrounds are so different, I am forever thankful that God has allowed me to live the example He has set for us through adoption. I would never be offended that my child was labeled adopted. I consider it a compliment! I only get offended when people refer to my biological child as my "real" child.
Thanks for asking for prayers for the Chapman family. I have been heartbroken today. They have been an inspiration to me and I am pryaing that God uses this tragedy for tremendous good with adoptions.
Well, I am offended that you used a form of the word "offend" 14 times in your blog! lol Just kidding!
Some people just have to look for something to be upset about. Their loss. They're missing out on the blessings in your blog.
Love the new pics! And Tricia's new haircut.
Aspiemom
Chalk me up as another non-offended reader/adoptive parent!
I think that it was good to say it because of the Chapman's adoption ministry. In fact, in leiu of flowers, they're requesting donations be given to their adoption ministry--Shaohanna's Hope. (link at bottom)
They have even been recognized by the president for their amazing work.
As an adoptive parent of our 6 month old son, I can't imagine what they are going through. I've felt sick to my stomach all day after hearing the news. Definitely been praying without ceasing.
Thank you for continuing to update us on your lives. It's refreshing to read what God's doing in your life!
Rebekah
http://members.shaohannahshope.org/site/News2?age=NewsArticle&id=6259
I adopted my baby girl and I wasn't offended at all. Guess we all have our buttons. Nice post and I do think adoption would be a great choice for you and Tricia someday... you obviously have LOT'S of love to give!
Nathan,
As an adoptive mother to a baby from China, I have been in prayer today for the Chapman family. I have learned that the adoption community can be a bit on the touchy side. I will have to go back and read the comments if some of them haven't been deleted. I don't believe you said anything wrong. Maria was adopted into the Chapman family, the same as my daughter was adopted into ours. Some people get touchy with differentiating between bio and adopted children. It happens. As a society, we have become far too PC in my opinion. I answer questions all the time regarding my daughter's parentage, I am her mom, but she has a birth mom too. And every sunday after mother's day, we honor her birth mother. Keep on Nate, you are fine.
Kara
Egads! I'm adopted and was in no way, shape, or form offended by your beautiful post. Seriously, people need to get a grip and see what is really important.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with such ridiculous stuff.
Good night, nurse.
My oldest daughter is adopted. I do not see that what you wrote is inappropriate or offensive-it's not like you are introducing them and seperating them by who's biological and who's adopted. This is a tragic story reported by this family-who also mention she's adopted-who you are requesting prayers for. I wish people would say something nice or not anything at all.
Kim
Good night, nurse.
My oldest daughter is adopted. I do not see that what you wrote is inappropriate or offensive-it's not like you are introducing them and seperating them by who's biological and who's adopted. This is a tragic story reported by this family-who also mention she's adopted-who you are requesting prayers for. I wish people would say something nice or not anything at all.
Kim
Nate, you are doing a WONDERFUL job with your blog. You are using it to not only allow us all to be a small part of your lives, but also to bring forth other topics that are near and dear to your heart. People these days find it so easy to fault others, to be negative....why? I really can't even pretend to understand. There are many out there that turn to negativity to make themselves feel better while making others feel bad-I guess they need to find some happiness and quick!! I am a faithful reader (I check your blog at least 2-3 times a day) and this is my first time to comment.....don't let them get to you-there are so many of us that smile every time we read your blog!!! Take care, keep up your amazing gift of sharing and caring.
I didn't get to your blog yesterday and read the news last night on another forum, but just wanted you to know I wouldn't have been offended. There are times it does offend me (usually when the media uses it to point out something negative, like his "adopted" son was responsible for a crime). But in this case, I said basically the same things on my blog. Oh, and I am a mother of two adopted little ones from Guatemala. (I don't think SCC would be offended either...adoption is his forum which is one of the many things we have appreciated about him in our own journey the last couple of years!)
Reba
I have two adopted children and I see nothing offensive in your post. Some people just need to lighten up and/or get a life. Do you force people to read your blog or something? J/K
My heart is breaking for the Chapman family tonight--especially the teenage son.
Nate, you are amazing! I knew exactly what you meant when you wrote about his adoptive daughter being sent to Heaven. You not only were telling everyone which daughter it was (because he has 2 other girls through adoption and one older bioligal girl) and that each one is precious. and it's like the paparazzi in the news there's always someone out there that wants to start a fight or be negative. It's good that you have the option to delete the negativity because this blog is only for the uplifting and inspiration and enlightening of. (I'm not good at grammar but you know what I mean).
Hugs Nate - we're a proud adoptive family. I think NOT talking about it makes it seem like something to be swept under the rug. My son openly shares that he's adopted - something that wouldn't be readily noticeable.
If being specific offends some - I'd guess there are some issues they need to work through. Your apology was unnecessary, but lovely.
Kim
Nate,
I love your blog and love your story, but please stop wasting your time and energy on a few naysayers. I quickly browsed through the comments to see if I could find what you mean and all it looked like to me was lots of "thank you for posting this" and "I'll pray for them". Point being: the positive vastly outweighs any small negative. No matter what you post, someone will disagree with you and there are always people who like to get offended. Just ignore them. You have a very public blog and unless you want to cut out comments all together, it is just part of the deal. Delete them or ignore them, but for goodness sakes, don't give them any credibility/validity/attention by dedicating posts to them. We all know you are not being offensive, if someone gets offended by your story/posts then they can just not read your blog. Problem solved.
Thanks as always for sharing your story with us. I feel so blessed to have been able to follow it.
Warm Regards,
Jenn
I know I shouldn't let it get to me but I get SOOO angry when you make these posts about simple things - explaining your labels AGAIN because people would rather bug you than make a little effort even though you've done your best to oganize this for us and especially that anyone has told you how to write your blog and what to correct.
People, this is HIS blog. It's like a journal. You wouldn't like it if somebody told YOU what to write in yours, especially when they're picking at you just to pick. I can't believe people sometimes...a heartfelt post meant to inform people to call upon God for prayer is said to "offend" someone because he put up all the information, something SCC certainly isn't shy about himself.
Maybe it's your own faul that you believed that Nate meant they only loved her partially because of her adoption or that it didn't hurt them as badly because she wasn't their "real" child. Geeze people, get with it!
Next time you choose to let something offend you, perhaps you should think about why it does, reread the post, think some more and still keep your nose out of it because ultimately it's HIS blog. Chill.
Thank God for adoption, without it I wouldn't have a home in Heaven awaiting me and I wouldn't have my two beautiful little girls who were adopted with love. We LOVE to share our ADOPTION story. Our girls can cheerfully say, "I'm a miracle!! I was adopted!" And I can say, I have been BLESSED!!!!
Goodness gracious people! Get over yourselves. Nate, this is your blog. A tribute to your wife and daughter. You've graciously allowed us into your world. I hope that the small amount of rudeness isn't overshadowed by the bajillions of us who love your family and pray for you daily.
Your post did remind me of a question I had been wondering. Does Tricia know or have any contact with her birth family? I know you haven't touched much on this topic and so I'll assume it's too personal for blogland--but you said we could ask.....;-)
PS. Your family is just stunning! Seriously.
i wanted to add something to my earlier comment. My being adopted has never made me feel that i am any less my parent's daughter. i am as much my parent's daughter as my biological children are mine. i believe that just as the Lord predestined me to be His he also planned for my adoptive parents to be my parents like i am my children's parents. it is a sad thing to see adoption as anything but beautiful and wonderful. just wanted to add that. i am praying that those that chose to take offense will see adoption the way our Heavenly Father sees it. :) continuing to pray...jen in al
I love your blog. I was adopted and found nothing offensive in your last post by saying she was adopted.
As Pastor Mark Driscoll pointed out in a recent sermon, anyone who has been adopted is in good company. Jesus was also adopted, afterall, by Joseph. :)
This is YOUR blog, Nate, and you have the right to post whatever you choose in whatever way you choose to do it!
I was an adoptive parent who pointed out the "unnecessary" but certainly not in my mind offensive use of the word adopted. I'm sorry if you thought I was offended. I was merely trying to make the point, as you so eloquently did, that the loss of a child is an unbearably painful thing, regardless of how the child joined his/her family.
Again, it's YOUR blog to be used how YOU see fit. I am an honored bystander...thanks for sharing your life with me and so many others!
My husband was adopted and we are currently up to our eyeballs in the adoption process ourselves. For whatever it's worth, absolutely nothing about your post offended me. Some people are just punks. ;)
Audience of one!
What I found interesting was that I was watching some of SCC's videos on YouTube, and your post reminded me that in one of his blog posts, he actually refers to the two younger girls as his "adopted daughters". Copy and paste this link and fast forward to 8min 40 seconds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLYxtuC0oRk
I also wanted to ask for prayers for another little girl in Iowa, just 22-months-old, who was struck by a vehicle and killed in her driveway yesterday as well. My sister is very close to this family, and she is asking for lots of prayers for them. Here is a link to little Avery's story if anyone is interested.
http://www.kcrg.com/news/local/19153734.html
How ironic that they both died in the same way on the exact same day...if you would like to leave some words for Avery's family, I have a post on my blog about it. I will make sure her family receives the prayers and thoughts. Thank you so much.
people who choose to be offended by a man who obviously has no ill intent in his heart whatsoever(that'd be you nate) have too much time on their hands and need to be put in "grown-up" time-out -
feel free to send any complaints my way and i'll be glad to set them straight with a dose of cold-shower honesty -
everyone live life with common sense thinking and peaceful hearts - i promise you it is much sweeter this way -
think first before you speak
and let love lead
-liz
My grandson is adopted (at age 13) and we wouldn't give him up for anything. Your post was very tastefully done.
Steven Curtis Chapman even refered to her as his "adopted" daughter from China in a YouTube video! If HE isn't offended, no one else should be either!! You were referring to his daughter, after all.
Ever considered renaming the blog "Take a Chill Pill"??
on the Champman's blog, Maria is referred to as adopted. My thought is that if they can say it, then no one should be offended! And you are correct, even if you did not know one thing about their family, there would be NO doubt that those three beauties with such dark hair were not carried in Mrs. Chapman's tummy. People need to get over themselves and leave you alone!
Another adoptive mom chiming in here. I appreciate it when people see our adopted children as our sons and daughters first and let the adoption take a back seat. However, I was not a bit offended by your post. The Chapmans have made adoption advocacy a huge part of their life. Of course it bears mentioning. I'm thinking you must have the patience of a saint to put up with people getting offended by every post you make. Still praying for you and your girls. Best wishes as you move into this new stage of life.
I appreciate your sensitivity, but I'm not sure that an apology was necessary. After all, Steven Curtis Chapman's official website says in their statement, "Maria is one of the close knit family’s six children and one of their three adopted daughters." I think they would be more than happy with what you wrote, it only serves to expand their ministry and their desire to bring adoption to the forefront. Blessings to you and your girls!
Loved the part about how we're only offended because we choose to be. How true is that?! That hit home and I'll definitely think