Thursday, January 10, 2008

I Cannot Sleep and I Have Some Things to Say

Yesterday, before Tricia was taken to the OR, her nurse, Brandie told me that she was going to ask the doctors if she could be present in the room during Tricia's surgery to simply stand out of the way and pray. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for Brandie's complete willingness to stand the gap for us in the OR (which she was able to do).

As I sat with my parents and Tricia's parents in the conference room outside the OR yesterday afternoon, waiting for news of Tricia and Gwyneth, fearing the worst and hoping for the best, I clutched in both hands the pager I had been given that would notify me that Tricia's surgery was complete.

I searched for any quick distraction from the "what if's" that were bombarding my thoughts...I considered how many others had held that exact same pager feeling my exact same pain. I also considered how many more would do the same after me. And, I spoke to God for those people, who both came before me and were coming after me, who would hold that same pager and have those same feelings. And, for at least a few moments, God's peace invaded my soul.

While sitting in the NICU waiting room just before seeing my baby girl for the first time yesterday, a young woman approached me and asked if I was Nathan. Kim had just delivered a 34 week preemie boy that morning. She had been following this blog after getting connection via good friend in Canada. She recognized me and immediately wanted to say "hi".

Please pray for Kim and husband Matt and baby David in the same way you have been praying for us.

I prayed this morning at Tricia's bed, holding her left hand with tears in my eyes. I expressed to God that I will accept anything He chooses for Tricia in the next few hours and days if He would allow just one person to understand and accept Him as their Savior. I don't like the idea of making deals with God, but I needed a sign that He is God.

Less than two hours later, a woman posted on Andy's Blog that she was finally "understanding" and "accepting" Jesus as her Savior.

My God is the awesome God.



Lissa Lane said...

> I expressed to God that I will accept anything He chooses for Tricia in the next few hours and days if He would allow just one person to understand and accept Him as their Savior. I don't like the idea of making deals with God, but I needed a sign that He is God.<

I know it doesn't seem like it but just you saying that expresses faith beyond belief. I reached a similar point in my struggles. The day before Calypso died I finally had reached the point in my faith I told him 'If she is hurting I want you to take her to where she will no longer hurt' and Calypso died exactly 24 hours later.

Accepting God's TRUE will in our life is hard but when we reach that point it is when God REALLY works in our lives. I still struggle with it now 6 months after my daughters passing but I accept the changes in my life so much more.

Everything that happens God DOES have his hand in it and most of the time when he seems the furthest away is when he's standing right next to you begging for you to awknowledge him. And I'm so sorry this is so long. Continuing to pray for you guys


AmyRobynne said...

I am here late tonight praying with you.

Anonymous said...

I've been following along since the day before yesterday....I'm left speechless, humbled and praying...not to mention tear filled!!!

Over the last few months I kept saying to my husband that I just wasn't hearing His word....I'm hearing it now....loud and clear.

I'm praying for you all!!! Your story has left me humbled and in complete awe....God spoke to me through you and your trials and tribulations.

"Out God is a mighty God" and I thank you....I thank you with all that I am.

Alice Vogt said...

Hi, I found your blog 2 days ago, and it has really touched me. I also have CF, and is listed for a transplant. I'm 2 years younger that Tricia. The love you guys share is really inspiring and all the support you have is amazing. Also praying.. Hope you get some sleep in!

suzie said...

Nate it was when I knew that Gods plans for my son were to take him into the peace and comfort of His care, that I truley felt His hand on me.

Continuing to pray for a good recovery for Tricia and Gwyneth and strength for all family and friends.


Beth Anne said...

I found my self awake too - and have been crying out to God for each of you.

Scott said...

Embrace today, it is all any of us have! Praise the Lord for the impact, you guys have become world wide missionaries from a hospital room! Thanks for sharing the journey with all of us. You have expanded your family by way more than you probably realize. Lord bless you as we all diligently seek Him to do just that.

mummyofprincesses said...

Up tonight praying with you and for you all......may these entries be God's love letters to you to inspire you each and every day to continue trusting His heart. Those who actually post I'm sure are such a tiny glimpse of the lives being changed for eternity. I know that's your heartbeat, to use all your circumstances to bring glory to Him. We see the physical realm around us, imagine the spiritual one around yourself, and your girls. Praying your sustained physically, emotionally and spiritually today.....
Thanks again for sharing your heart!
Loving you all to Jesus....
The Weigners (Quakertown, PA)

Anonymous said...

hello there, I am not sure if I am the one you were referring to but if so I am humbled by being able to bring you some small measure of comfort during this trying time. I now know the reason the emotions swept over me yesterday during my work and why I paused during that time to pray and felt the need to tell you.

Our God is an awesome God, thank you with all of my heart.

mom2lillian (Nicole)

Margie said...

Nate - I can relate with clutching the pager in your hand just waiting for it to go off thinking the nephew James was diagnosed with Leukemia at age 12 months. He was put into a drug induced coma for three weeks and was on life support. His condition was very bad and my sister and her husband were given that same pager and also were told to think about making funeral arrangements as their son James was not expected to make it. I spent an agonizing weekend at the hospital with them (they were living at the Ronald McDonald House across the street from the hospital). At the end of that weekend as their son seemed to be hanging on, I took two of their other sons and moved them to Pennsylvania with me (they live in Michigan). Their other three sons stayed in Michigan with other family and friends. James stabalized, his brother Nick was a perfect bone marrow doner (the others did not match) and nine months later they were all reunited. James is now a healthy 14 year old freshman in high school enjoying football, wrestling and baseball - Praise the Lord! Brother Nick is serving in the US Marines stationed in Iraq. The Lord answers prayer!

Punchbugpug said...

Nate and Tricia...such an inspiration to others! Thank you for sharing "Tricia's adventure" through this disease. I join the others in praying for God to lay his hands upon you all and to continue to be present in all our lives.

Anonymous said...

How awesome about Tricia's nurse Brandie. How kind and powerful of her. God is so good.

I have been counting down Tricia's CO2 numbers throughout last evening and whenever I awakened thruout the night. Believing that God is doing it.

Priviledged to pray, in Michigan...

Anonymous said...

I just wanted you to know that my family and friends and church their family and friends and church are praying for you.
God bless you!

Andy Lawrenson said...

I'm praying that today we see someone else trust Jesus as their Savior as a result of watching your faith and this miracle unfold.

Specifically today I will be praying for the medical team, for God to give them wisdom. I'm also praying we see someone from that team put their faith in Christ.

I pray you get some rest today and no headaches. I pray Tricia continues to remain stable and does well coming off the sedation.

I pray that Gwenyth has a great day in NICU and that her little life will touch the lives of the nurses and doctors there. I'm thinking she is just as tough and strong as her mommy.

Anonymous said...

Hey Nathan - Tina here...back when you blogged about accepting God's will for Tricia and Gwyneth, regardless of what it was, I kept thinking about that moment that I came to that point when Noah had cancer as a baby. I had wanted to share that testimony with you, but realized you were living it in the extreme anyway. I thought this morning, maybe I would just touch on it briefly though - sharing an experience with that familiar "voice" of our awesome God.
When Noah had cancer the doctor's told me (yes they did) NOT to have any hope of his survival. I tried the bargaining with God..."take me instead of him"...not too uncommon I know. I found myself face down on the floor of the hospital chapel, crying until I couldn't cry anymore...finally understanding how people could cease to exist because of the pain. I was finally quiet, empty and still when I heard God "speaking" to me...telling me that it wasn't the battle that raged in Noah's body that was the real fight, but the battle of the soul...if Noah died he would be with him...but the question posed to me was that of my own soul...would I turn from Him in my pain?..and what of the souls of my other family and friends that were watching me and how I handle all of this (and they were watching)...for me to walk in grace...without going too much further into that, it was in that moment I felt peace beyond what was humanly capable.
I got to see what God did with the peace and understanding he gave me, at least in the lives of a few people that I never knew until that time in our lives...what a God we serve...
It is in these storms that we truly see "the peace that passes all understanding" isn't it...just another miracle. ;o)

~continuing in prayer for you, Gwyneth, Tricia and the families

Anonymous said...

hi- my husband and I just recently learned of your story from our whitney on sunday as our church (churchof the outer banks) spent time praying for you all- after church i went on your blog and read your story as well as your frequently updated blog. All i can say is I am completely amazed by your story and how god is clearly shining through every part of your days. I have always believed in god but after reading your story i feel like i understand and want to know god even more he has already done so much for you and your family - you guys truly are a testament to gods love and beauty. Please know we will continue to pray for you, your wife and your percious new gift - Also on a quick note thanks you so much for updating your blog as much as you do- my husband and I check your blog as soon as we wake up and right before we go to bed as well as numerous times during the day, the frquent updates are so helpful and we know what is going on and what specifically we need to pray for - Plese try to get rest - especially while tricia is sleeping- when she wakes up you will not want to miss a minute, our thoughts and prayers remain with you

Anonymous said...

I have been praying for you and your family. Your faith is amazing and inspiring. It's hard to make sense of things sometimes, but your outlook on these events helps me, a brother in Christ, to understand better.

Laurie in Ca. said...

God Bless your heart. You know what Nate, I believe that if the Bible were being written for the first time in this century, your story would be one of the books, like Esther. And then I just realized that your testimony is being written as it happens minute by minute, being read by thousands all over the world who are out here lifting your family up to the Father who knows right now the moment He will awaken Tricia, and I am breathless. Thank you for allowing God to use this most difficult time to show the world who He is. May He give you refreshed peace for today as we all wait holding our breath, for word of Tricia awakening. She is not even aware that she and the baby have made it through. May Gods healing joy flow all over her as she awakes to the glorious truth that she is alive, she is a mommy, and she is so loved. I pray that she and Gwenyth will be together soon. Prayers are continuing minute by minute Nate, you can count on it.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

6blessings said...

I have been praying in Oklahoma. What great faith and true surrender. Everything in life is to lead others to Him and all for His glory. God has given you this time and the multitudes that surround you to shine brightly for Him! You're doing a great job!

I will continue to pray for your girls!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I get goosebumps and tears in my eyes each and every time I read your blog. I'm not an overly emotional girl...I think it must be the clear presence of God...and that we are all witnessing multiple miracles and miracle workers by following your story.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted you to know how much I love you. I can not wait to hear more good news!!

Amy Anderson

One Man's Struggle To Take It Easy said...

I am continuously amazed at your strength during this time. You are a true inspiration. Be blessed Nathan, God has heard all our prayers and you will receive a miracle. All our love from Florida.

NCBeachMom said...

Rejoicing in the fact that one more soul will be with us around the throne, and that you story helped that along.

Oh Nate! I can not wiat! To see you guys here on earth...and one day to sing and dance around the throne together....

Your story, has also given me a fresh hope and new sense of expectancy....a way to keep my eyes off of the petty issues that are blowing around me and my church, and focus on how to get the real work done....I wait with great anticipation for the Lord to reveal the work he has for me to do in my tiny corner of the globe..

Anonymous said...

Once again, I am amazed by your steadfast faith in the face of such uncertainty. God's hand on your lives is truly evident.

As I read your words this morning, I found myself on my knees again, asking God for another miracle. I am praying that many others will come to know the Lord through your story. My other prayer is that the three of you will live a long and blessed life together... that your very lives would be a living testimony of the love, mercy and faithfulness of God.

Anonymous said...

I too have found myself almost jerked away from whatever I am doing including sleep, to send prayers for all of you. God listens to the smallest voice but with all the prayers that are bombarding Him thru all this, they will be answered.
Gooing thru cancer and the treatments, my one request/prayer has been not for it to be in vain. I asked God to please use my trials to touch even one person. I am blessed over and over with people who have found strength to go thru their trials just watching and praying for me.
I noticed that Tricia quotes Jer.29:11. This has gotten me thru everything just knowing that God has a plan in all that we go thru.
Would love to have the opportunity if we ever get to the Outer Banks, to attend NHC and meet you and your family.
Love in Christ, Cheryl

Unknown said...

I am so excited for the updates I've missed overnight. I was just itching to get back to work (bc I don't have internet at home) so I could find out what's been going on. I have been in almost constant prayer and the times I wasn't consciously praying I was thinking of you, Trish, Gwyneth, and your many friends and family. God has shown such amazing grace through your journey and I am so privileged to be able to experience it through your posts. Your words are so graceful and well "spoken" and a sense of complete trust in our Lord comes across like a huge neon sign. I am inspired by yours and Tricia's faith and it makes me only want to make mine even stronger. You've reminded me that I need to pray without ceasing and tell God more than I used to, just how grateful I am for His mercy and blessings.
Our God is amazing Nate and He's doing some miraculous things in y'alls lives. I'm just so excited to watch it all unfold.
Thank you so much for sharing this journey.
With Love...
Jenny Burkett

Nicole said...

My husband found your blog through the blog of a friend and told me about it last night before we went to sleep. I forgot to ask him the web address, so this morning I googled "cystic fibrosis" and "NICU." How awful that those two phrases brought up your blog. We talked and thought about you guys a lot before sleeping, and I just want you to know that we are 2of the strangers (I'm sure among a great many) who are praying for your family.


Nicole in IL

Unknown said...

I've struggled with alot of fear in these last few days. My daughter (who the doctor encouraged us to abort) is slated for a surgery to correct some birth defects in February, and then another 9-hour surgery in April. I know the "holding the pager" feeling all too well.

Anyway, I just want you to know that I find your courage in the face of fear so compelling. Your courage asks me, "What are you afraid of?" (to use the words of Sara Groves). I have even begun to question God's very existence. And then people like you make Him real again.

Katelyn said...

Our God is a good God. I'm praying for you, Tricia, and sweet baby Gwyneth.

Anonymous said...

Please know that while you are so selflessly praying for the many others who hold on to that pager in the waiting room, you have SO MANY MORE praying for you and your family! You, your amazing wife Tricia and baby Gwyneth have touched and ministered to so many - you will never truly know all that has transpired until our HEAVENLY FATHER thanks you and shows you all your good works in Heaven!
Praying for you all and looking for more miracles for your family from our gracious Lord and Savior!
the Wright family,
Charlotte, NC

Erin said...

May God bless you, Tricia and baby Gwyneth, and give your family the strength to persevere throughout.

Warm thoughts from Connecticut!

Anonymous said...

Great is thy faithfullness....

Best wishes for the day Nate, Tricia, and Gwyneth. Answer to prayer that even one would accept Jesus as their saviour through your circumstances.

"S. Jersey"

Julie Nickerson said...

Hi Nate,

My husband and I are Liberty Grads as well and received your blog through other Liberty Grads.

We wanted to let you know that here in Northern VA lots of people are praying for you and your precious girls.

Anonymous said...

Praying for a miracle that will show His glory and goodness through all of this in the coming hours, days and months.

Peace, comfort and strength for you, Tricia, Gwyneth Rose and your family and friends.

You are loved.

- A sister in Christ from Atlanta.

Anonymous said...

Your posts and story inspire me to change my perspective on everyday things. For that I'm grateful. You're teaching many of us the wonderful ways that God works. Thank you for taking the time out of your 'storm' to share the miracles of your life. Not much time passes between thoughts of you, Tricia and Gwyneth.
Refreshing Often in Ohio

Anonymous said...

I keep up with the blog from Living Proof ministries, where Beth Moore works out of. And I passed your story along to them, and they just wrote to let you know they are fervently praying for you, your wife and your little one! I hope you got some rest last night and are ready for another day.
Brittany in FL

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to thank you for using this experience to share your faith. When my husband and I went through this situation a few years ago, it was enough to just put one foot in front of the other, down some Diet Mountain Dew to stay awake another hour and cling to the chaplain in prayer. To step out and minister to others in your own uncertainty, fear, and remarkable. You have a wonderful little family and our prayers continue to be with you and your.

Melissa Roark
Indpls., IN

Swamp Tulip said...

I found your blog via one of my rubber stamping friends a few days ago. I am keeping Tricia, Gwyneth, you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. How wonderful that Tricia's nurse can be her guardian angel in the OR. I admire your strength and courage to share your world with all of us.

Warm hugs and strong prayers.


Anonymous said...

I have been showing off Gwyneth's picture to everyone. Rich printed one off. We continue to pray for you all. ps. tylenol pm works great.
Sandra lee

Anonymous said...

Welcome to Baby Gwyneth. Tricia, you're The Woman.

**Nate** Thanks for all the updates: I'm honored that you're including all of us reading your news in the blogosphere. You may be young, but you are a strong believer and a shining light for Jesus. It's very touching to perceive the great love you have for "your girls".

God's blessings and mercy and healing and provision and sustenance and preservation be upon you three precious ones.

Anonymous said...

Continuing to lift your family up in prayer as you face the new day. Your example has led me to pray more faithfully. Thank you.

careysue said...

I have been tuned in (so to speak) for the past couple of weeks with your story-through I first want to say that your family is in our thoughts and prayers both, as a couple are such a great example for all of us for the love you have for God and your marriage, it's so heartwarming. I find myself thinking about the three of you all day and it brings a smile to my face. Thank you so much for sharing with everyone your story. You have with your faith and love changed many lives! That would be mine as well. Love from Michigan!

I have six children the youngest who is six has CF.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I awoke this morning around 5am to the cry of our daughter. After checking on her and getting her off to sleep I was unable to sleep. All I could think of was the three of you. (I was introduced to your blog yesterday.) So I prayed. I hope God allows you both the blessing of disturbed sleep by your little daughter. The gift of a child is unexplainable until you have one. I know you understand what I mean. You are in our thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Our family, and many friends, are praying for you and your beautiful family. Your faith inspires and encourages us.
I have walked the halls of that hospital, prayed in that NICU for a preemie, and I know God hears you. Yesterday we drove by Duke (we had an appointment at one of its clinics), and you were in our thoughts and prayers as we did. There is much on you now, and I am so glad you have the Saviour to help you through these days. We are praying for God's continued miraculous work in the bodies of Tricia and Gwyneth, and we are praying that in all these things He will have the glory.
Our little one wasn't quite as early as yours is, but the day we left, another lady, who has since become my friend, gave birth to a little girl who was about 24 weeks. She is almost 9, she is beautiful and she has done so much better than the doctors expected. Her name is Hope; may your day, your year,and your lives be rich with Hope, healing and answered prayer!
-Dee Dee

nicole said...

you guys are precious.
we are still praying for you and your sweet girls.
thank you, Jesus, for every miracle--life and new life.

p.s. i love the updated "about me" section.

Hilary said...

I found your blog last night through a link that a friend of mine posted in her blog. I immediately was captured, saddened, hopeful and elated ~ all at the same time. No one will ever know what exactly you feel except God. I may know some of what you feel as my husband, 27, has been suffering from many health issues in the past 2 yrs that we have been married. Many times I thought he would be taken away from me. My hope/faith in God (along with family and friends) is the only thing that has gotten us through! It's sooo hard to watch a loved one, so young, to go through horrible things - but God's plans for us are bigger than we can imagine. I am so thankful you and Tricia are believers. He will get you through this. I am reminded of a song that I sang in middle school, maybe you will recognize it:
"I have redeemed you I have called you by name. Child, you are Mine. When you walk through the waters, I will be there. And through the flames. You'll not (no way!) be drowned. You'll not (no way!) be burned! For I am with you! 'Fear not! For I am with you. Fear not! For I am with you,' says the Lord."

Please know there is someone here in MN praying for you all.
God Bless you, your wife and your miracle baby.


Andy Lawrenson said...

mom2lillian (Nicole)

Could you go to my blog and then click on my profile and click e-mail. I would like to e-mail with you about the decision you have made.

Gwenyth's Great Uncle Andy

One Man's Struggle To Take It Easy said...

Bro, I am speechless...

Stephanie Earls said...

I sure wish that I could hug you right now and tell you that all will be ok. I am sad for you and crying as I remember being in your position; praying for my own daughter and grandchild over 4 years ago. I came to the realization that I was begging and praying and trying to cut a deal with God for my will. It was hard to pray for His will to be done. You seem to already know that we are supposed to want His will to be done. It still pains me that I did not get my will. My daughter lost the baby at 15 weeks gestation. You truly hold a miracle in your hands. It is God's will that she has made it here to gain a body and a spirit. She must have a fighting spirit and I bet she got that fight from her mom and dad. I should tell you that my daughter was able to carry 2 babies later and I have a beautiful granddaughter and a handsome grandson. It is hard in the middle of a trial to see the reason and even long after you are through the other side, still difficult to understand the outcome. I still wonder why sometimes in my weakness. God loves you and so many people have grown from your faith in Him. I know you are doing what God would have you to do and He will bless you for youf misssionary work. You and your family are in my prayers and will remain there. Hugs to you and prayers going up.

cceeyore said...

Nate ... as a close friend (and staff of C3) of Jordan & Patience's ... I was with them during their journey, praying each day and each hour for all three of them. i read many of the posts and comments that were made and heard many more stories from others how their lives were changed because of little Isaac and the faith of his parents.

Whatever the outcome of your journey, lives will be touched and changed for the glory of God. I pray that God will leave the angels He sent long ago to Tricia's side and the angels that surround little Gwyneth as protection and healing in both of their beds.

i also pray that you will be patient through this journey. I pray that God would give you strength and peace as you face the days ahead. If you can, and have the resources to do so, play music for both Tricia and Gwyneth ... especially Tricia. I am currently seeking God's peace and the only way I can concentrate on God is through music. There have been many times when music was the answer to my search.

Nathan, I encourage you to continue to seek God's face each time you are able to be with both of your girls. God is listening and will not turn His face from you. Listen to His still small voice. He will guide your steps and your ways.

Phil. 4:6-7
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Anonymous said...

See just another amazing circumstance that shows us how big God is and how he has his hand in every situation. I myself am so grateful for God's mercy and love and for the hope that he gives to all of us who just believe.

This blog has become part of my daily devotion (I just need to do it before I apply my mascara! ;)) and I'm so honored to have a tiny part in all the many prayers that are going up for your family.

Jennifer in Louisiana

Amy said...

God is awesome. You have such strength to face this ordeal and think of how God's kingdom can be furthered.

I pray that God chooses to keep Tricia and Gwyneth safe and sound in this world for a long time and that more people will find him because of it. Peace be with you.